3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community  

Go Back   3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community > Support Forum > Support Groups > 100 lb. Club

Let me ask you guys something....

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 04-04-2007, 10:46 PM   #1
Junior Member
 
mandy27613's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 13

S/C/G: 342/326/180

Height: 5'9

Default Let me ask you guys something....


Do some of you ladies ever seem to notice that sometimes women who say they are supporting each other in their weight loss really use it as a way to make themselves feel better about themselves. I have noticed that woman often are very competitive under the shroud of being supportive. Isn't it hard enough that we hear it from the media all day every day that we are not enough, skinny enough, fit enough, pretty enough, etc. WOMEN LETS REALLY SUPPORT EACH OTHER. NO MORE PHONY!! ONLY REAL ENCOURAGEMENT THAT IS MOTIVATED FROM THE HEART WITHOUT THE ULTERIOR MOTIVES!! I hope that you all are doing well and being successful in what you are trying to do. Lots of love!!
mandy27613 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2007, 03:29 AM   #2
Beam me up Scotty!
 
cantforgetthis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Silly-con Valley, CA
Posts: 411

S/C/G: 310/218/140

Height: 5'6"

Default

Fortunately, I can say that I have never experienced this, either with my "normal" sized friends or my plus sized friends. I'm sorry if you have, but you are in the right place! I'm sure you won't experience that here.
__________________
~*Karen*~
I can't be "off the wagon". I'm driving it!
I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that dont work. -Thomas Edison

Began 6/5/06, First mini goal: Achieved 10/17/06, 60 pounds gone!
Second mini goal, LICENSE WEIGHT
cantforgetthis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2007, 11:29 AM   #3
Senior Member
 
kaplods's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Wausau, WI
Posts: 13,371

S/C/G: SW:394/310/180

Height: 5'6"

Default

I've seen a little of what you're talking about, but I have a little different take on it. Human emotions are very complicated and messy, and very few, if any of us have the purest of intentions 100% of the time.

Haven't you ever been really happy for, yet really jealous of someone you love who has gotten something you've always wanted? Maybe they've lost a lot of weight, are getting married, having a baby, buying a gorgeous house, are going on a wonderful vacation that you can't afford, have won a cool prize....?"

I know I have, so I try not to think too much about another person's motives when they are being nice or encouraging, even if it's obviously kind of forced. Can't say I'm always successful, and it tends to bother me the most if the "fake happy face" is coming from someone really close to me, but I try to realize that sometimes I'm the one with the "fake happy face," and if it's all I can muster, and not very convincing, it is at least far better than "real nastiness" I'm temporarily feeling.

So I say heck, take the compliment or the encouragement, and don't worry about the motive.
__________________
My Etsy shop (currently closed for the summer)

http://www.dreamstormdesigns.etsy.com
etsy link by permission from 3fc! Want to add yours? Ask them!
kaplods is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2007, 03:20 PM   #4
someday, we all hope!
 
becoming wisdom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Calgary, Canada
Posts: 118

S/C/G: 253/185/145

Height: 5'7"

Default

I really agree with kaplods, and I'd also like to reinforce the idea of being as supportive as possible.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kaplods View Post
Haven't you ever been really happy for, yet really jealous of someone you love who has gotten something you've always wanted? ...I know I have, so I try not to think too much about another person's motives when they are being nice or encouraging, even if it's obviously kind of forced. ...So I say heck, take the compliment or the encouragement, and don't worry about the motive.
Sometimes, being as supportive as possible IS to muster yourself to be civil, or wear that "fake smile" also mentioned by kaplods. The self-honesty about motives - well, that takes at least as much insight as commitment to honesty. It's really tough, (at least for me) even after decades of effort. Speaking for myself, in my early fifties, I'd hoped by now to have faced up to and eradicated most of my own blind spots. And it's not just that everyone tries to be civil and not too personal, (and I do appreciate that!) making it harder to catch myself in the act. Also, my self-awareness flaws are common to most everybody in my culture!

Okay, I can get jealous, and know it, too - even while congratulating somebody. But I also support them, and even when my smile is forced, I get the impression the congratulated person hears that support first, and can forgive the jealousy! And at the same time, their success and my jealousy work nicely together to inspire me to my own success.

So, the green-eyed congrats aren't necessarily a bad thing. On this forum, each person's success helps raise a standard for everyone else, and a little jealousy may be a sign that I am, or another person is, feeling personally challenged, and we know it's our own problem because the achiever did not point their finger at us. It's not a bad way to motivate a whole community!

And sure, Mandy, I agree that if we're always feeling jealous and the support is fake, that does need to change. Or if we're being competitive cutthroats in a female arena, where we wouldn't be in front of the guys, that's unbalanced. And we don't need to echo to each other the cultural standard that we are only worthwhile if we are attractive. That's criminally demeaning!

Now I don't see any of this generally happening on this forum. But if anyone personally feels this happening inside them, I think it's good to face it, and to be a part of everybody else's solution, instead of part of the problem. And I'm sure anybody who can admit it, and is working on that kind of internal beauty, gets all our support!
__________________


becoming wisdom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2007, 04:48 PM   #5
Former Quitter
 
GirlyGirlSebas's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 5,500

S/C/G: 310/310/180

Height: 5'7

Default

I have noticed that people in my immediate life who are dieting at the same time as I am, seem to become a bit competitive...they want to lose faster or think their plan is superior, etc. But, I havent sensed any of that here on the 100lb club threads. Everyone seems to be encouraging and want to see each other succeed. When one of us succeeds, it brings hope for everyone else that we can lose a tremendous amount of weight and turn our lives around, too. I really think you're gonna love it here.
__________________
- Rhonda

"Live the life you've always imagined." Henry David Thoreau


GirlyGirlSebas is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2007, 09:46 PM   #6
Junior Member
 
mandy27613's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 13

S/C/G: 342/326/180

Height: 5'9

Default

You guys are awesome! I have not seen this at all on this website, only in my real life I have seen women act like that. Everyone I have seen here seems to really be encouraging and I really appreciate it so much. You guys inspire me so much. I love you all!
mandy27613 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2007, 11:22 PM   #7
Nursing Momma
 
jennylou's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 746

S/C/G: 312/247/212

Height: 5 ft 7 in

Default

I try to offer encouragment and congratulations to anyone who is losing weight! No matter if they are ahead of me or behind me. My SIL is also losing weight, she started after me, so is naturally behind me in terms of total pounds lost. But, it's not a competition - this is about us getting as healthy as we can so that we can be around for a long time for our kids. So, when she has a bad week, I encourage her to get back OP.

And, I don't really see it around here either.

Now, the green eyed monster? Yeah, but at least this is something that I have a little control over. When I was battling infertility or when I was grieving the loss of my son, well those were things that I could not control, so it was harder not to feel downright jealous.
__________________
First mini goal 10% loss - met!
Second mini goal: 250 - met!
Third mini goal - 230
Fourth mini goal - 212 (minus 100 pounds)
End of summer goal
jennylou is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2007, 03:57 AM   #8
Senior Member
 
pinupdreams's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 274

Height: 5'8

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by mandy27613 View Post
Do some of you ladies ever seem to notice that sometimes women who say they are supporting each other in their weight loss really use it as a way to make themselves feel better about themselves. I have noticed that woman often are very competitive under the shroud of being supportive. Isn't it hard enough that we hear it from the media all day every day that we are not enough, skinny enough, fit enough, pretty enough, etc. WOMEN LETS REALLY SUPPORT EACH OTHER. NO MORE PHONY!! ONLY REAL ENCOURAGEMENT THAT IS MOTIVATED FROM THE HEART WITHOUT THE ULTERIOR MOTIVES!! I hope that you all are doing well and being successful in what you are trying to do. Lots of love!!
truer words were never spoken. i agree.
__________________
Started on 8/28/08 - Goal Date: 10/31/08

pinupdreams is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Posts by members, moderators and admins are not considered medical advice
and no guarantee is made against accuracy.


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:26 PM.






Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.3.2