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Being treated differently

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Old 04-04-2007, 11:34 PM   #1
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Default Being treated differently

Hi All!

I have noticed over the last several months that people actually treat me differently since I have lost weight! I get the right-of-way in the supermarket aisles and people say, "Oh, excuse me!" if they get in my way. It's really weird to me! I have always struck up conversations with people in stores, but people seem to respond more favorably to me and seem more interested in me now than previously. Have any of you noticed this for yourself? In some ways this makes me feel good, but in other ways it makes me feel sad that weight could make a difference like this.

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Old 04-05-2007, 12:15 AM   #2
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I think I've become more confident and outgoing. If people are treating me differently, it may be because of what I project from the inside.
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Old 04-05-2007, 12:32 AM   #3
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I also have more self confidence since loosing weight. But I also notice that people are more responsive to me. People talk to me more and want to spend time with me (refer to people I go to school with asking me to lunch or to study, which didn't happen first semester this year). I think it is a combination of the increased self confidence and the weight loss.
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Old 04-05-2007, 12:35 AM   #4
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I know what you mean and it's not your imagination. I have been 'normal', then fat, at goal, and fat again. I may as well have been 4 different people. The examples I have are many but the one that sticks out in my head was from a manager that I had for about 8 years who had always treated me somewhat disapprovingly although I always did great work and was far and above the most reliable employee in a high turn-over industry. It wasn't until I was almost at goal that I heard he used me as a positive example in a meeting and after 8 years put his hand on my shoulder (not in a sexual way), like we were old pals. I remember looking over at his hand in disbelief as he smiled down at me. He had never touched me in any way and I would swear never had smiled warmly at me. I have been on both sides and the grass is definitely greener on the skinny side.
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Old 04-05-2007, 01:17 AM   #5
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Why, just today I was treated rudely by a man...when I asked his sister-in-law (an over-weight girlfriend of mine) if he was always that way she replied, quite matter-of-factly, that it was "because you're fat". Deep down I knew this was the reason, but to hear it was awful. He is a shallow guy, but I babysit his daughter and I find it very disconcerting that he has so little respect for me. I have never been this heavy before...and I can only hope that I can use it as motivation and some day 'boo yah' him!

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Old 04-05-2007, 01:36 AM   #6
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karwie,
I am sorry to hear about your unpleasant encounter with the rude jerk. Never mind him, a jerk is what a jerk does. Best wishes to your weight loss journey.

Cheryl,
I am not aware of any differences in how I was treated since I lost weight, probably because nobody even noticed my weight loss so far. Oh, well, people might take notice once I reach my goal weight.
But I agree with the others. The boost of self-confidence definitely plays a big role. If you feel good about yourself, it shows.
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Old 04-05-2007, 02:29 AM   #7
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Yes, I have definately experienced the difference and while I know that in some situations I am a bit more confident, that's not all of it. People go out of their way now to be nice and engage me.
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Old 04-05-2007, 02:42 AM   #8
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I have definitely noticed the difference in how I'm treated when I'm slimmer. In particular I used to work with a Dr. that was always mean and downright rude to any of the over-weight nurses. Once I lost the weight, I practically had to tell him to keep his hands OFF. I know that I'm more confident now, but I hate it when someone that did treat me bad, now acts like I'm Fresh Meat.
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Old 04-05-2007, 08:20 AM   #9
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Oh I DEFINITELY notice a difference. Like you Cheryl, I too always struck up converstations with people in stores. I really tried to compensate for my heavy weight and tried to be as friendly as possible. But, absolutely, people definitely respond to my more favorably. I get smiled at all the time. I get taken my seriously. I get a lot more attention from men. And women. People are just generally more open and nicer to me. Very, very sad when you stop to think about it.
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Old 04-05-2007, 02:25 PM   #10
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I've always been overweight, but I've gained an additional 70 pounds just in the last two years. I have definitely noticed a difference in how people treat me. I am not a bit shy.....I will talk with anyone about anything...and I really like people. But, I've noticed since I've gained the weight that a lot of people won't even make eye contact or respond to a lot of my comments or "small" talk. It feels like they just can't be bothered to interact with me. And, no one starts a conversation with me anymore. And, sad to say...hubby does treat me differently. He's not abusive or anything...but, he is definitely less attentive.
All of this feels kinda lonely
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Old 04-05-2007, 03:25 PM   #11
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to you Rhonda.

I ALWAYS project a positive image, no matter my size - and talk to everyone. There is a huge difference in how people in general react to a fat person vs. a slim one. It really is sad too.
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Old 04-05-2007, 03:43 PM   #12
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I've had this experience too...at my high weight, once I had a carful of guys pull up along the street where I was walking and start verbally harassing me for having a "wide load". Now that I'm halfway to goal, I recently had someone start honking and waving at me along that very same street. While I agree that I needed to lose weight, I think it's really inappropriate for people to harrass someone based on what they look like - you have no way of knowing why they are fat or what they are doing about it, and it is none of your beeswax anyway.

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Old 04-05-2007, 04:35 PM   #13
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This one really hits home!

I love my local YMCA. I've been there everyday since the beginning of Feb. I've gotten to know most of the trainers and everyone has been encouraging and very supportive. Until today...

I have been attending a class called "Women on Weights". It has taught me a lot! Lots of variety (the circuit has gotten boring). I always try everything and I've been surprised that I can do many things I initially guessed I couldn't. Today was an arm workout. I usually use 3-5 pound weights. My arms are really weak. The trainer (one I've not worked with before), kept harassing me about using the light weights. Over and over. I was polite and stuck it out with my little girly weights. Funny thing is... There was a thin woman there using the same weights as me. She didn't do half of the exercises. Complained the whole time. The trainer never said a word to her. That just chapped me to no end.

You can bet I let her boss know. How rude.
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Old 04-05-2007, 04:59 PM   #14
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Yes, I've found the same thing, highlighted by reaching goal, and then having my weight climb back up again, and even now showing visible downward change. I did find it disconcerting that so many guy friends were drooling when I lost the weight, but at least they tried to keep it to themselves. And in the other direction, my husband who has watched me through thick and thin, had already learned not to judge me differently because of changed appearance. So I felt bummed when DH didn't start chasing me more when I hit goal! He should get credit for such a big internal achievement, logically; but I felt ripped off...

So, aside from learning a healthier lifestyle, I for one also need to face my own tendency to shortcut-thinking prejudices, to fix it in me as well as notice it all around me. My triggers may be different (I'm a LITTLE more immune to differences in appearance), but I make stupid snap judgements too, all the time. Makes it a little easier to forgive and forbear.
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