I am on my way out to California on Tuesday to see my in-laws and am terribly worried about the food situation. I have been doing fairly well on my new life food plan and am very comfortable with it. I just don't know how it is going to fit in with vacationing and visiting the in-laws. I am on the No Flour, No Sugar diet. My sis-in-law had GB WLS about 2 years ago so she should be able to be a help. You know how moms are that haven't seen their kids in like 5 years. She will be fixing all the favorites. This is going to be rough. Hubby says we will just go shopping for food that fits me and forget about it if we upset his mom. He says that NOW, will he be able to stick to it? I am scared!!! I miss them all tons, but it is making me not want to go. I don't want to come back the size I was in January. I am sorry for rambling, just freaking out a little here.

I'm not sure what kind of relationship you have with them or what kind of people they are, but I personally would just kindly explain to them what you are trying to do and that you are not by any means trying to offend them by turning down foods that don't fit in your plan. Also, you could kindly let them know that you know their cooking is wonderful but that you really want to focus on visiting rather than food. I know, I know....it isn't always easy, but this is just what I would do. Of course, each family is different and this isn't always easy to do. But, it is worth a try. Here's wishing you a very successful and happy time! I personally believe you do NOT have to center vacations around food...it is all in choices and planning ahead to avoid pitfalls. Could it be that you let them know your plan ahead of time and then they would know what to expect before you even arrive? I know, for me, when company is coming I like to plan and buy for a menu before they arrive. Would this be the case with them as well? If they know what you are doing, they just might want to try to accomodate you as much as possible.

Hello, not-so-Chunky_Teacher,

I very much agree with RitzyFritz on all her points. I'll likely repeat some of them!

It does sound from your account that you expect your MIL to center her attention around food, so some simple items to mention before arriving might include, for instance, how you've come to enjoy the challenge of scratch cooking or substituting for certain trickier foods. You can then educate her about the condiments, sauces, etc. that a person might not at first realize are off your list. You might go on to those foods you now enjoy so much more of! Maybe then you can elicit from her personally anything she may want to try, similar to your present favourites. Vette her ideas, to give her some sense of security about learning your new standards. And of course, recognize her care and creativity, as she might otherwise feel she no longer has much of those to offer you!

If your doctor has ever said anything that led you to this diet, relate it, as well as the way sticking to this diet has improved your life. A doctor's professional advice can be pure gold, when long-separated, possibly insecure in-laws aren't sure of your mindset. And if you can tie your life improvements back to long-term benefits for your husband, in-laws should be able to infer how helping you stay on your plan is as direct a show of love to their son, as is feeding him his childhood specialties.

Geographically distant in-laws can become worried about future sources of alienation, so you'll want to clear up any confusion. When you're there and have time, make sure they see that you care about the credibility of authorities you looked up before adopting this new "lifestyle", that you're not interested in switching to the latest popular program whenever the mood strikes you, and that you're not testing anyone to see how far they'll bend for you. Not that you should spell this out, just talk about your commitments to health and balance, that preclude all these. I don't know your husband's family, of course - they could well be immune to such concerns! I only speak from my own experience, having found with my in-laws that it always paid to think through the many possible sources of misapprehension.

Remember that it took time for you to learn your new diet, and the change can be a sudden shock to your husband's family, who thought they already knew you. Just soften the transition for them, describe clearly how easily they can make your trip a real joy, and show them how you don't relish causing any present or future awkwardness. Let them see how much more wonderful you are, after your change in diet. Then, if they care about you the way you obviously care about them, you will have a mutually marvellous vacation!

Please let us know how well you enjoyed yourself, after you come back? I'm looking forward to your postings!

I like the ideas already posted and your husband sounds great. Suss out the situation on the phone with them first - explain what you're doing and you'll be bringing your own food.

Even if youd do eat some stuff that's off your plan it will not make you go back to what yo weighed in January. The only way that would happen is if you choose to continue eating badly when you come home again and you sound really determined not to let this happen.

thanks for your support guys! I knew this was the place to come. I spoke with my MIL on the phone just a few minutes ago and explained my plan to her. She is a diabetic and actually loved hearing about my it. She says it fits right in with how she is supposed to be eating and will be sure to have things in the house for me. She even asked what beverages she should buy for me to drink. I am feeling much better. We are going to see my DHs aunt at a Hometown Buffet. That will take some planning but I will be fine. I have been in tougher situations in the past 3 months. I sure miss my in-laws and I am going to have a good time. If I gain a pound or two, I will just work harder at getting it off quickly BUT I am going to be making every effort NOT to have a gain. THANK YOU ALL AGAIN!

Shelly

Great, Shelly!! I'm glad it worked out with your MIL. I find it usually gets positive reception when I'm in a predicament like this and explain to the folks involved. Since this is a new lifestyle, we have to look out for ourselves so this will last us a lifetime! I, for one, am proud (in a humble kind of way LOL!) of my lifestyle and don't mind doing what it takes (all the while being nice about it) to make sure that I can continue on in whatever circumstance I find myself.

Have a great trip! I know you will enjoy it.

Wonderful approach Shelly!

Your MIL sounds like a real asset to all her family, and now the two of you may have some shared ground to further both your lifestyles' changes. After rereading my earlier post, I felt distinctly "unwise", in that I was all about showing you how to avoid damage control, and not allowing any room for your MIL to be either perceptive or generous! I'm glad you found your own, better way to broach your concern and motivation, it sure paid off. And because you posted all the relevant details, folks like myself who are trying to learn more wisdom in such situations can learn a lot from your example!

Also, RitzyFritz and Doughnut, your straight-out positive support & optimism serve as examples, especially to some of us newbies who try to jump in.... This forum is so much more than the sum of its parts!

Shelly, I look forward now to reading how well things go with your DH's aunt, and am positive your determination will carry you through all situations with finesse, because that seems to be your style. And I add all my best wishes for everybody's happy reunions!