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Help! New to the "kind of dating" game!!!

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Old 11-01-2001, 12:53 PM   #1
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Unhappy Help! New to the "kind of dating" game!!!

Okay ladies..I need help. Serious help!

While am still healing from my divorce, I have begun to meet new people and to "kind of date". LOL I am in no way ready or wanting a relationship yet, but it's kind of fun to be single again. Kind of.

I don't know if I told you all about the chef here at my job. Well, here's some history before I ask for help. This may be a bit long...lol

The chef (Mike) and I have been "eyeing" eachother for a bit now, and we finally hung out 2 weeks ago only because I called him at 11 pm on Saturday, I was a bit drunk and I as flirting. He said "Let's do this, and hang out and stop saying we will". So we made plans to meet at my friends house and we played cards into the wee hours of the morning. We had SO much fun! He is hilrious, sweet, gorgeous, and kind. I ended up falling asleep around 7 am, and he left without waking me. We didn't speak on Sunday. Monday after work he called me, we spoke for a few minutes. Tuesday he called me, telling me that my friend (the ones house we were at on Saturday night) asked him and his friend if they were interested in another night of playing cards. He said he was definatly interested. We made plans for Friday night. Friday he called me and told me that everyone from work was hanging out at the local bar right after work. I had stuff to do I told him. Then he said "But were still getting together tonight?" I said Yes, and he was happy. Told me to call him later when I was done. We had plans to meet at 11:30 since his friend was working late. I called him at 10:00, left a message. Called again at 11:00, left a message saying "Hi, it's Jennifer. It's about 11 pm, just wondering what's going on. If something came up and you can't make it, it's okay, just let me know, cause am gonna head up to Danbury (a town with alot of bars/clubs)." He didn't call. Thought I was being blown off. Made plans with other friends and went to Danbury. He called about 1 am explaining that when he got home from hanging out with everyone from work, he ended up falling asleep before he got in the shower and he is so sorry, blah blah". I played it cool, saying that I understood. I did understand, I didn't think he was like that to just blow me off. So, he then asks what am doing and tells me that he is wide awake, and to call him when I was done. He said he was looking foward to hanging out with me all week..blah blah blah. So, I tell him that I won't be long in Danbury..he says to call him when I get back NY. So...an hour later, he calls me and tells me he is making his way up to my area..he lives about 30 minutes south of me but his friend isn't coming, is it okay if he comes alone? I tell him of course, it's fine. That I would give him a call when I got back to NY. (am smiling just remembering this..lol) So, I call him and he is near my friends house, since it's now about 2:30 am..we decide to hang out at my friends house and play cards. AGAIN, we have an awseome time. We kissed..ahhhhh. We end up sleeping there, watching the sun rise, so nice. We fell asleep and we woke up and spent the day there till about 4:30, watching TV, eating, ect. It was fun and nice. That was Saturday. He said to call him. I didn't. I saw him Monday morning at work, but you see, we kind of have this "silent rule" to not really let ppl at work know we talk, because this place lives off of gossip. So, I see him "Hi how are you?"

This is really long..sorry. Just want to give you all the whole pic before you give me advice..Which I really hope you do. LOL

So, I called him Monday while I knew he was working and just said "hey, it's Jennifer. Just calling to say hello. You didn't look too happy this morning when I saw you, hope you had a nice weekend. Talk to you soon"
He didn't call. But were both alot alike in that area..will explain that later..haha

Tuesday morning at 10:30..he calls from the kitchen at work. "Hey, how you doing, blah blah. telling me how much fun he had hanging out with me. Blah blah. Talk to you later, have a good day"
Didn't talk again.

Wednesday: I walked into the cafe to get my ice water and he was at the grill with this guy Enrique. I pretend to not notice. Enrique calls my name, "Good morning Jennifer" Mike looks up and calls me over. REMEMBER..we don't talk like that at work. So, I walk over with a big poopy eating smile on my face. "How you doing, blah blah blah" Enrique says "No breakfast today, you don't love me today" (big sweetie old man flirt) I say "No, not today" as am laughing. So, Mike says "But you love me today, don't you?" I say "Yes, today I love you" And Enrique says "What about me?" I say "I love you everyother morning, but today I love him" Hahahha Were all laughing, talking about the Yankees and stuff. Mike is giving me that oh so cute smile..ect. I go back to my office on Cloud 9. I really don't even know how I got back to my office..I glided the whole way. THIS was a HUGE step for us..we've never talked like that at work. It was always hey how you doing, and then a whisper "call me" or something like that. So, this was huge but NOT as big as today. Ha ha ha

Are you bored yet????

We didn't speak again till today. This morning I went outside to smoke (bad I know) on the terrace. Now, understand my building is all mirrord glass outside. I cannot see in from outside. So, am sitting outside, and it's right outside the dining area here and little do I know, but Mike is inside with all of the other chefs eating. So, all of a sudden. He walks outside saying to the other chefs "Yeah yeah, I smoke now" He does not smoke and everyone knows that because he is the only one there that doesn't. There isn't a soul outside but me. So, he walks over, sits next to me and we begin to talk. About everything..how much fun we had last weekend, how my friend was, the weather, yankees, work, ect. It was time for us to go back in and this woman walks outside, so it's an akward goodbye..but he turns and says so sweetlt "Jennifer..you have a great day" You too..bye.

SO! That was huge for us to talk in front of everone here. Nothing has been mentioned about hanging out this weekend and I would love to but I don't want to ask. I want him to ask. But nothing has been mentioned, but am not blind, he is obviously making it known that he is interested in me. Am I wrong?

Okay, so here is the deal. I am not the typical woman, and being that am going through a divorce, I am very uhm, what's the word? Hesitant about everything. I don't sweat things. I go with the flow, blah blah blah. Some of my friends tell me I need to let ppl know when am interested because I don't call them and all that jazz like most women do. Other friends tell me am doing the right thing by just playing it cool..let him ask.

Mike and I are both Sagitaruins. We love our freedom and independence. We are alot alike, I can see that just from hanging out twice together. Which is very good. BUt can be bad too. We both don't want to come off as strong. But I kind of feel like he is waiting for me to ask him to hang out. He is obviously trying to let me know he is interested. So, am left at this dilema. What should I do now?

I thought about giving him a call maybe tonight or tomorrow night and just saying "Hi, how you doing"..since he obviously has made the "move" twice in a row. I don't want to come off as too strong, but I do want to know that I dig him.

So..what do you all think? I am just having fun right now..still hurting..but I have been enjoying meeting new ppl and hanging out.

If anyone survived reading this book about the latest saga in my life..please give me some advice. I haven't "kind of dated" in years..very long time.
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Old 11-01-2001, 12:54 PM   #2
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I am almost embarassed to how long that was!!!! WOW!!! Hope some of you are bored today and have time for that book...hahahahhaa
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Old 11-01-2001, 01:18 PM   #3
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I think you need to keep playing it cool let things happen naturally. Stop thinking so much about it all and just have a good time when he ask, but you have to be sensible to the fact that you don't let him not returns calls etc..
Does that make sense? I mean if you like your freedom and so does he fine. But if your feeling that he is blowing you off etc.. you'll need to talk about that. But its early on you'll are having fun and of course it sounds like your both interested in each other. Nothing to be ashamed of there. Just let things flow......
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Old 11-01-2001, 03:02 PM   #4
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Hey there!!! Dating...ahhh...I remember it fondly. Jen, I think your safe either way. He has made the last 2 moves, so you are not being forward by giving him a ring, just to say "Hi" of course And if you want to wait, nothing wrong with that. Isn't it cool when no matter what you do you cannot get another person off your mind!!! I'm so excited for you!!! I bet he calls tonight. I would say if you can stand it, wait until tomorrow to call. But if you can't, dial him up!!!!
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Old 11-01-2001, 03:11 PM   #5
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Jennifer,
I think it's great!!! You need the attention now...... It's nice to feel special and wanted. Call him Girl!! You need to let him know this relationship isn't one sided. Make sure he knows your still hurting and progress slowly. If he is a gentleman he'll understand. If it doesn't work out, well it sounds like you've met a great friend.
You go Girl!!

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Old 11-01-2001, 04:11 PM   #6
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Thank you Thank you!!! LOL I felt like a little girl writing that post...ha ha. He called my personal line earlier but I was on a work call and couodn't pick up. He didn't leave a message. We'll see what happens. I think the both of us are enjoying this little cat and mouse game...lol

Thanks again. I feel like it's been so long since I dated..well..it has been. Ha ha ha
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Old 11-01-2001, 09:51 PM   #7
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I agree with derby call him. It sounds really exciting, and thrilling. Oh to be young again!!!
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Old 11-02-2001, 05:53 AM   #8
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Jennifer,I have no advice to give you. I just wanted to say that make your self the priority in all the matters of your life( Gee that sounds like advice). I also don't envy you at all, it's a difficult thing. My sister just divorced after 10+ years. Take Care
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Old 11-02-2001, 10:20 AM   #9
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Jennifer,

It sounds like you are having a blast and I'm happy for you! The cat and mouse game is the best part!! Enjoy it for all it's worth! I guess you are in a give and take situation.........don't give too much but also don't take too much. Obviously, you are both interested in each other so be cool about it, but don't let him do all the chasing. He may get tired of doing all the work and I really believe that men like women who are not afraid of taking the lead at times.

Enjoy yourself, you deserve it!

Lianna

P.S. Keep us posted on what is happening. I'm going to Las Vegas for a week but want to find out how it's going when I get back.
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Old 11-02-2001, 02:59 PM   #10
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Oh thank goodness that is over with. But I am sort of jealous of Jennifer, to be able to flirt again (shouldn't say that I do it with dh - I mean flirting)

If you really like him go for it. Just take baby steps.

I was the forward one in my relationship with Paul. He did call, but if I wanted to go out I called him (he wasn't from my city and had no clue where to go).

Be careful and don't go in with both feet, keep one to the side.

Have fun.

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Old 11-03-2001, 08:46 AM   #11
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Jenniffer,

Sounds like nothing but fun to me! I love that excited feeling you get in the pit of your tummy while waiting for him to arrive. Makes you feel so young and happy!

As far as call/don't call, I really don't have any advice. I've been on one date in the past three years. #1, Haven't met that many guys I actually like, #2, Don't have time, #3, too scared to! Haha

I admire ya for moving on and it's great that your not wanting to rush into anything. Let us know how it goes!!!!

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Old 11-05-2001, 10:54 AM   #12
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Yes, it is fun but yet terrifying at the same time. LOL I have no desire to get serious with anyone, and I have alot of issues to work out due to my marriage ending. BUT I can have fun, and I am enjoying it.

Update: Thursday night, I called and left a message for him, said I was just calling to say hello and see how he was doing. To give me a call if he had time, or if not I'd talk to him soon. No call back. Friday morning he called and explained to me that he blew his transmission the night before and his night was crazy looking for someone to borrow their car so he could get to work the next day. so now he was unsure of what he would be doing over the weekend because the car was in the shop. So, we chatted. It was a nice conversation, he had me laughing as always. We ended the conversation "See you later". But I never did. I was extremely busy at work, so we never ran into each other during the day.

Saturday night he called my cell phone asking me what I was up to, but I didn't get the message till about 2 am because I was out dancing. I called him then and he said that he had wanted to hang out earlier. It was too late by then, so we didn't hang out. His friend was driving, so it wasn't up to him. And I was tired, and he should have called me earlier.

We haven't spoken since. But it's all good. Hung out with this guy Adrian this weekend. The man can dance! LOL Too many men I tell ya! lol
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Old 11-05-2001, 10:55 AM   #13
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Oh..and thanks for the advice. I feel as though am 16 again, a brand new world, and not many friends understand that concept. it's been a long time since I've been alone, and it's been a long time since men are flirting with me. Went dancing both nights this weekend, and I just cannot handle the men..lol
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Old 11-05-2001, 10:22 PM   #14
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Jen--> I can relate to you 100%. I was just telling one of my "old" married friends that at 28 I've been given a second chance at the single life and I'm enjoying it as much as I can. This time around I realize that it's okay to be single, that I don't need a man in my life to complete me
Enjoy it all you can, not many people can look at the single life again as a blessing and not a burden.
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Old 11-06-2001, 04:26 PM   #15
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barby..Thank you and your right. At 25 years old, I am single again. And to be honest with you, I was never a "single adult". Met John at the age of 21, and had a few boyfriends before him. So, am single, weird, exciting, scary, interesting....but am having fun. LoL
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