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I don't want to quit...but....

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Old 03-08-2007, 06:43 PM   #1
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Default I don't want to quit...but....

Help me out here.. I guess what I'm asking for is permission.

I just want a night of eating. It's weird.. I've had a few really really good days. Today the food is very much the same. But I'm hungry.. really hungry.

Do any of you find success with giving yourself a "day off" or a "night off". I know a lot of you say - this is how I'm going to eat (healthy) for the rest of my life. I know that if I don't give into some cravings I will end up just end up eating everything and come back here in a week.. or two... with my tail between my legs.

Those of you with a lot of weight lose. How many off nights have you given yourself?

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Old 03-08-2007, 06:53 PM   #2
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First of all... Great new picture!
Second... What kind of "night off" are you thinking? In my humble opinion, I think that you can very occasionally give in to some cravings, but maybe just limit the amount. Rather than having an entire _____ (whatever it is that you crave), could you split it with someone?
Would just a smaller sized meal of craving be sufficient?
I'm just thinking that if you completely lose it, and eat way too much of a bad thing, that you'll feel bad... both physically and worse, mentally.

What do the rest of you think?

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Old 03-08-2007, 07:24 PM   #3
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I agree with Diane. Figure out what you're craving...and what would it take to satisfy that? I don't think you should go "hog" wild because then you'll feel down on yourself afterward. If you're wanting sweet, could you have a small dessert and then decide that tomorrow you're going to walk an extra 1/2 mile? If you're wanting a "bad" meal could you start off with a BIG salad and then only have a piece (or two?). Anyway...see where I'm going with this? How about trying a very controlled, very planned variation to your plan?

And yes, LOVE the new picture!

St. Patrick's Day goal - MET! Baseball Opening Day (April 2) goal - MET! Memorial Day goal - to be in the "teens" - MET! 36th Birthday goal - below 200 - MET! Labor Day goal - MET! Wedding anniversary goal - MET! Christmas goal - 175 - didn't make this one. Maintaining for now...no new goals at the moment.
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Old 03-08-2007, 07:45 PM   #4
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I'm lovin' the new avatar too!

I guess it depends on your personality. Personally, if I gave myself a night or day off, I'd be gone for awhile. I don't want to lose one iota (is that a word?) of how far I've come so far. I've worked way too hard! I guess I'd really evaluate what it is you NEED. I've found out that a really hot shower after a hard workout feels as good as a cheeseburger! I never would have guessed it. I've also found out that 2 Hershey dark miniatures are a great treat! Maybe you need a different treat. A period of time out by yourself or with girlfriends. A mani/pedi. Maybe it's not really a food craving at all.

And now I play the devil's advocate. My mom who has some more than me to lose has been on JC for a year. She's lost over 50 pounds in that year. One day each weekend, she takes a free day and eats whatever she wants. She knew that the only way she would make it for the long haul was to give herself a break. I will say, she jumps right back on plan the next day! Not me, it would take me a lot longer to get back on plan.

I didn't help much, did I?
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Old 03-08-2007, 07:54 PM   #5
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A night of eating...sounds like more than just a small craving that you're trying to control. You have to decide for yourself if it's worth it - none of us can give you permission to hang it up for the night. I haven't given myself a day/night off since I started back in October but I do allow myself to have days where I don't make the best choices in how I use my calories. And it's been hard, but with the exception of 2 days I've stayed under my maximum daily calorie limit of 1500 calories. And on those 2 days I only went over by 100 calories. (But I do remember one day where all I had was carrots, celery, cabbage and 1400 calories worth of chocolate chips! ).

There isn't anything wrong with taking a day off if that's what you think you need and you know you can control it. But for so many of us, taking that day off results in not being able to get back on track in the days that follows. I hope you decide to follow Diane's, Tricia's and Shelly's advice because they had some great suggestions.

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Old 03-08-2007, 08:17 PM   #6
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Honestly, when I was actively losing weight, I had two treat meals - my birthday dinner and Christmas dinner. That was what worked for me since in my past I had a history to let treat food "derail" me (In the past, I found it very hard to get back on track after indulging).

I looked at your fitday before and my advice was you were eating too much processed foods. I gave that advice because in my dieting history, I was never happy or satisfied with "diet" food. I was always restless and munchy and wanting the diet to be over so I could eat NORMALLY. You kinda sound like you are having the same experience.

You say you are hungry, you say you want to EAT - how about finding some recipes that are healthy, delicious and completely satisfying? They really do exist. Some of my favorites - spicy shrimp/vegetable stirfry over brown rice, broiled salmon with a baked sweet potato and steamed broccoli, home made pasta sauce with sun dried tomato, spinach over whole wheat pasta. If I follow any of those meals with a baked apple with blueberry/cinnamon, I feel like I've had a GREAT dinner, completely satisfied.

On the other hand, a lot of people do just fine with a weekly "treat" meal, for example, I know LLV was very successful at weight loss/maintenance and she always had a weekly free meal. Since everyone is so individual, maybe it is what you need to stay motivated and committed.

If you do decide to go that route, I would strongly suggest that you are very careful initially, make sure it is a MEAL not a day or a week or a month. Have a plan in place for the next snack/meal and have the food ready to go (no "oh, I can't eat my healthy lunch because I don't feel like going to the store, so I'll just eat whatever is convenient? what does it matter since I ate all that food last night, the week is SHOT" and whatever crazy things I used to say to myself).

Personally, except for the very rare occasions (my birthday, dinner at the Herb Farm) I still stick to my personal "rules" for healthy eating even for treat meals - no cream sauces, no fried foods, no eating out of the bread basket (okay, I've broken the bread basket rule a few times, heh).

For example, on Tuesday, I went to this excellent Italian restaurant in Ballard, WA - Volterra. I had a glass of red wine, my friend and I split the mushroom tart appetizer. She had beef ravioli, I had lamb and then we split a pecan torte. I did have two pieces of bread, but they had this fabulous salt fennel to add to the olive oil to dip the bread in - fabulous! I know that ONE meal is not going to derail my weight loss success, I was right back on track the next day with my planned healthy meals.

Treat meal, not treat day!
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Old 03-08-2007, 08:26 PM   #7
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Ok, I don't have alot of weight loss, but I kinda hit this point this week, where I just wanted something not on my "plan". I realized I had been eating the same things over and over again and I needed a break. I wanted something totally diffeernt. I ate in moderation and tried to stick to something healthy (no fast food). I'm ok, seem to be back in the drivers seat today.

I think you're the only one who can tell whats going to work.
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I didn't gain it overnight and I am not going to lose it overnight/"There is do- and do not- there is no try." - Yoda /Slow and Steady Wins the Race / I can't stop, I won't stop-Diddy / One meal does not determine the rest of my life/ 330 goal 11/2015

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Old 03-08-2007, 08:26 PM   #8
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ugh I just wanna quit - full stop! I KILL myself for weeks and lose 3 pounds, OR I eat absolutely anything I want when I want, and gain 3 pounds in a few weeks, I always stay the same!!!! and if i just stay the same, why not EAT??

Ugh sorry-- I didn't mean to turn your thread to "all about tracey" sorrrrry!

I have to agree with the poster who said have a "treat meal" not a day!

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Old 03-08-2007, 09:00 PM   #9
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I just had one more thought as I was going about my evening and wanted to stop back in and throw it out there.

I consider myself to be a "foodaholic"...so like an alcoholic I cannot allow myself freedom with food. Everything that goes into my mouth I think about....and I think I will probably always have to live that way. Will I always have to be in this low cal weight loss mode? No. But will I always have to actively think about every single thing that crosses my lips? My thought is yes. It's kind of a dismal thought but the thought of being thin so much surpasses it that I think I'll be just fine. I'm much happier food sober (or in control, rather) than food drunk!!!!

Know that my best thoughts are with you as you're struggling tonight. Maybe you could treat yourself to a REALLY early bedtime! hahaha That's another thing I do when I think that I'm about to seriously break a rule!!! I'm not kidding. I just go to sleep and the next morning I'm so relieved that I stuck to it!!!!

St. Patrick's Day goal - MET! Baseball Opening Day (April 2) goal - MET! Memorial Day goal - to be in the "teens" - MET! 36th Birthday goal - below 200 - MET! Labor Day goal - MET! Wedding anniversary goal - MET! Christmas goal - 175 - didn't make this one. Maintaining for now...no new goals at the moment.
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Old 03-08-2007, 09:07 PM   #10
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I think for me, it works best when it's planned for. Giving in to the impulse of "I just can't stand watching what I eat anymore," tends to be a disaster because I'm likely to binge out of control, I'm also likely to eat what's available rather than what I want, so the binge wasn't even satisfying or "worth it," and I'm likely to kick myself afterward for "falling off" the wagon.

However, if I plan ahead - as in an evening out, or preparing a special meal I'm craving. I've already decided how relaxed I'm going to be. I'm not really off plan, I'm just keeping my plan flexible and I really enjoy it because when it's over, it's over. No guilt, no prolonged binge.

This also gives you a few days to decide whether you had a fleeting moment of frustration, or whether you really need "time off." Before you take "time off," decide what parameters you're happy with. How often, and to what degree you're comfortable going off plan. I know I've had times in my life, where I could undo a week's worth of work with one meal. You really have to know yourself to find that magic place between motivation booster and destroyer.
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Old 03-08-2007, 09:07 PM   #11
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So here's what I always did (and I've lost over 100 pounds so far). This is kind of long but bear with me!

90% of the time I'm a healthy eater - and 10% of the time I eat what I want. The key is portion control. For me, eating healthy means absolutely no caffeine and also means absolutely no sugar (real or synthetic)- even in the form of some of the protein bars and any white flour products. Basically it means lots of raw foods - fruits, veggies, and lean proteins (I only eat fish and shellfish, no red/white meat)

I always ask myself the following question:

Is it fruit? Veggie? Lean Protein? If the answer is no, then I get 3 small bites. This keeps me from obsessing over any one food - and it doesn't make any one food bad or off limits or have some kind of power over me.

However, if it got to the point where I saw a lot of social engagements coming up where I knew there'd be food I would simply make the decision to eat what I wished at one of them per month. At the other - raw veggies only, and flavored water. I reminded myself that I was there for the company and not for the food -a nd I sat myself down at a sofa to chat with people far away from the buffet.

When I'm out: I always split things with people and try to leave at least half of whatever I've been given. I never ever bring home doggie bags.

The other thing I did - and this may sound weird to some - but was to embrace hunger. And to realize that when I was feeling hungry was when I was actually losing weight. And that nothing bad was going to happen simply because I was hungry. It was helpful to note that the "full" feeling I was craving had really nothing to do with food, and that I tended to have that feeling whether I ate a reasonable amount or whether I ate more... it didn't have to do with food, I was using food to numb it, but it wasn't working. I had to get okay with that feeling and figure out what I was really craving.

I also looked at how much protein and fiber I was getting in relationship to other things in my diet. Things you can eat a larger volume of and feel fuller without the calories. I chose to have a diet full of nutrients, a nd I made sure I took a vitamin. Sounds weird but when I'm nutrient deficient I feel hungrier, and when I'm eating fiber, protein and taking vitamins I feel just much more even keeled allt he way around.

And I chose a cut off point calorie wise.

For awhile I ate whatever I darn well pleased up to that calorie limit and then it was over. And it did not matter if it was only noon. It was lemon flavored water from then on. I was hard core about it, and it was really hard sometimes, but I learned how to better plan out those calories throughout the day. Sometimes I still do that, but now it's better informed and well planned.

Example would be for tomorrow night - I'm going out to dinner with a friend and will likely split dessert, eat a good portion of an appetizer and probably half on an entree. So for breakfast and lunch I'll h ave a protein shake and eat raw veggies during the day since the majority of my daily calories will be consumed at dinner. I try to balance by the week instead of by the day as well - so if there are a couple of lower calorie days they make up for the higher calorie days.

The key is to find a way that works for you - for the rest of your life.

I've also found that it's great to simply control your enviornment instead of yourself. I've gotten GREAT at throwing away food. I don't take home anything from restaurants or parties. If someone insists, I take it and trash it before I get it in the house. That includes, for me - any sort of bread/pasta or cake/candy/cookies chips - anything with white flour in it. I've requested that no family member send food as a gift either - unless it's fruit or vegetables, because we don't keep baked goods in the house and would need to dispose of it or give it away.

My boyfriend recently asked if we get married if he'll never be able to have ice cream in the freezer?

My response was absolutely- never. There will never be unhealthy foods in my home again - for anyone. Firstly, I would like to have a healthy, strong vibrant family that is rich in laughter, love and connectedness that does not center around food!

It's my opinion that for me, it would be the same as having some vodka in an alcoholic's home, just incase someone else felt like having it. It just doesn't work for me, and it isn't supportive of my health or my goals.

If i decide I really want something in the evening then snack wise, I actually have to go out and buy a single portion serving of it. This works well for me- I have had ice cream probably twice in the past year. I REALLY wanted it, and I also really enjoyed it. And isnt' that really how it should be?

I choose to focus on becoming strong, and healthy =)

I love love love this forum (thank you oprah!). I've learned so much just in the past day or so, a nd have found renewed committment to get the last bit off of me as well
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Old 03-08-2007, 09:11 PM   #12
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It's really a tough call and only one that you can make. You have to know yourself. If it's going to gnaw at you and tear you apart then perhaps you should just get it over with - without going too crazy, set up some boundaries for yourself in terms of portion size and the foods that are acceptable and NOT. I know a few weeks ago I was urging for a slice of pizza - and I had it. No big deal, I allowed for it and left plenty of room for it.

Sometimes the urges pass if you talk yourself through it. And sometimes they don't.

I also really eat meals that I enjoy. I know you are pretty new to this and I'm not sure if you've found some meals that you really love. That is really key for me. I truly enjoy everything that I'm eating now and actually crave that.

I've had a few off days this past week and it was really tough. Sunday was a big dinner at my SIL's house and I did kinda allow myself to overeat, I didn't go crazy, but even so, it took me another 2 days to get back on track. Yuck. I just didn't like the feeling. IF I could have gotten RIGHT back on track that would have been a lot better, well, yeah duh.

This post was really all over the place. Anyway, if you think you can handle it and keep it to a minimum and then get right back on track it certainly is not the end of the world. Only you can decide if it is truly worth it and will not send you into a downward spiral.
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Old 03-08-2007, 09:11 PM   #13
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Personally, I allow myself treats. I never just take a night or a day and not think about what I am eating though. For example, I go to hockey games and I often see people with an ice cream cone that looks very yummy. I hadn't had one since I started with my weight loss endeavor. I decided last game that I was going to plan for an ice cream cone at the next game. Last night was that game and I had my ice cream cone and it was delicious and I don't feel bad about it. I planned that ice cream cone and I knew how many calories were in it. I was short on calories on the two days previous and I planned yesterday's breakfast and lunch carefully. I am still right on target for my average daily calories for the week. As a matter of fact, I can eat 30 calories over my set limit for the next three days and still end up on track for the week.

This week has been a great loss week for me so far (-3.2 Mon-Thurs) but last week was crummy (-0.6 all week)
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Old 03-08-2007, 09:12 PM   #14
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Girl friend you are sooooo Close to the edge of 300..... have a couple of of something you really want, being under 300 is just around the corner be strong!

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Old 03-08-2007, 09:33 PM   #15
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There is some great advice for you here Charbar. Just wanted to say don't give up! Sometimes it's hard to stay on track and be happy at the same time. The fact that you are really thinking about this before acting is showing that you ARE serious about this. You'll make the right decision.
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