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Aggrevated, disappointed, moving on...

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Old 02-28-2007, 11:06 PM   #1
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Default Aggrevated, disappointed, moving on...

I posted this on my livejournal, instead of rewriting it, I'm going the lazy way and copying/pasting. I've had a rough few weeks with the whole weight loss thing, and I'll need to edit the language, but this is the gist of whats been going on in my heart.

So, I've been watching what I eat. Working out, although, in the last 2 weeks, its almost everything I can do to get off my fat butt and make myself walk, nevermind anything else. A few weeks ago, even if I had to wait until 11 pm to work out, I STILL worked out. Now, "I'll do extra tomorrow", but like Scarlett, I never face my tomorrows. Guess what? I'm not losing weight! I've let myself slide the last 2 weeks on calories. I've basically, gotten complacent. Once that idiot scale said 220, I lost it. I let myself get complacent. All those things a previous entry stated I was fighting. I lost the war with it. I no longer enjoy the process of losing weight. I just want it done. I want others to view me as "normal". I'm sick of those looks you get when you order a taco chicken salad, hold the sour cream, sauce on the side, no fried tortilla stick/chips in it, please. It's that look, that one that says, "Who do you think YOU'RE fooling fat chick?". I want people to see me order that and admire me because I'm slim and fit and still eat healthy.
There's another issue I'm upset about. I weighed myself about 6 weeks ago on one of those quarter machines you find in gas station bathrooms, where they also give you your lucky lotto numbers. Now, I know these are about as reliable as the newest fad diet pill, but still, I dropped the quarter, and it said, TADA! 239.6 &%$# YOU! I came home and cried for 3 hours. It felt like all my hard work had just been slapped in my face. So, I bring myself around, rationalizing that those things are probably NEVER calibrated, how reliable can they TRULY be? So, a few weeks later, I go to my kids doc appt, ask to use the scale, it happily reads 237.2. DAMMIT!!! So, I go over to 3FC, to look for some explanation. It's explained to me how scales, especially digital doc scales aren't that reliable, since they weigh everyone from elderly to newborns. This scale weighs everyone who comes through the practice. So, ok. Then, I do it again today. I drop a quarter in one of those STUPID machines at K-Mart, for my weight and lucky lotto numbers, it reads, 239. Well, at least this time it didn't have ounces attached to it. Personally, I find it really hard to discount 3 scales, all reading within the same 5 pound range. My scale is bogus. It's been reading between 217 and 220 for 10 days. Apparently, it's just a piece of crap and I need to ante up for a real one. That's what happens when you spend 6 bucks at Wal-Mart for a scale I guess. I feel horrible. Not just because I have been so lazy on weight loss lately, but also because I thought I had lost almost 50 pounds. I'm ready to cry. I will cry, eventually. I'm so sick of battling my weight. So sick of worrying if this will fit, if that will stretch, if that bra will show that horrible bra fat bulge. I know I'm losing inches, my tape measure says so, but crap, whats a girl gotta do to get a break? I upped my calories, I downed my calories. I worked out harder, better, longer. I started walking a mile at a time, and now can do 3 miles a day, easy. I incorporated jogging, I've enthused family and friends to get healthier. I've given advice like I knew what I was talking about, and it turns out, I just don't. I know less about weight loss than I thought I did and now I'm floundering, I can't seem to find my way.

So, it's time to ante up. Am I serious about this or is it a hobby? Do I want to be healthy? Do I want to have a heart attack? Diabetes? It's time to sit down and think.

*************************************************


So, after that overly dramatic post, I realised today was measurement day. I only measure once a month, unlessmy scale has gone wonky. I'm so glad today was measurement day. I've lost 15 total body inches in 2 months.Most of my weight is coming off of the band part of my boobs, neck and legs. I've been bemoaning the fact that my pants size isn't really decreasing, but everything feels/looks smaller and toned. Well, yeah, everything being arms, legs, upper body, because that's where the weight is coming off. So, redemption, of sorts. I may not have lost all the weight, I thought I did,
but I have lost quiet a bit of ME. So, the journey continues....

I'm also restarting my trackers, I weighed today at 239, it was 430 pm, I had eaten 2 good meals, and was wearing layers of clothing. I'm estimating total of 5 pounds, considering while we were in K-Mart I also downed 2 liters of water <we were having oil changed on a specialty car and had to wait while they got the oil filter in from an auto parts store. We were there for HOURS>
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Old 03-01-2007, 12:09 AM   #2
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Oh, you sound so great at the end of your post! Good for you for the good attitude and for keepin' on keepin' on. I've been sharing your frustration lately, and the turnaround of your post was inspiring.
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Old 03-01-2007, 01:21 AM   #3
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Check how much the clothing you wore. On some days- including my cell (in my pocket), boots, sweater, shirt, bra, underwear, socks, jewelry, hair clips, jeans, belt- etc. etc. it adds 12lbs to how much I weigh (in the nude) at home. Be brave.
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Old 03-01-2007, 06:51 AM   #4
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Hi Angi!

What you wrote was something I could have written! I, too, think that I worry too much about the numbers on the scale! I think that it's because I realize that when I had that "short" period of time when I totally IGNORED the scale (only about TWENTY YEARS! ), it was THEN that all these pounds miraculously appeared on my body! I NEVER want to lose touch in that way ever again! Are you that way, too?

I'm excited to hear that you've lost fifteen inches! I have, too, Angi! That's good to hear that you are firming up as well. I KNOW the firming and the inches lost PHYSICALLY makes us smaller. I guess we need to accept that FOR US the weight on the scale is NOT our best defining moment- there can be other ways to find weight loss happiness!

Stay tough! ONEderland is out there and waiting for ya!

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Old 03-01-2007, 09:00 AM   #5
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Those darn scales! Always letting us down. Glad the inches dropped off for you! Scales really aren't a reliable tool for tracking our success and its a shame that we give them so much control over us. For me, I sometimes think it would be best to throw my scales away and just concentrate on how I feel and how my clothes are fitting. Maybe one day.
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Old 03-01-2007, 09:14 AM   #6
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Those stupid, stupid scales!!! But those fantastic tape measures!!!! 15 inches is awesome.

I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. This is not an easy and smooth road we're on. We're bound to hit bumps along the way. But these bumps can be overtaken. And you are up for the task. You have done unbelivably well and a few bad weeks can not negate how far you have come. Hang tough and you are sure to figure this all out. We're here for you, always.
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Old 03-01-2007, 09:50 AM   #7
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Glad you mostly talked yourself out of that 'funk' by the end of your post.

The number on the scale means NOTHING . . . NOTHING. The important thing is how you feel, followed by how your clothes fit.

Having said that, of course, I know that we all want the scale to be cooperative, don't we? Just about the worst thing you can do is to keep changing scales. If you lined up 3 scales in a row and hopped from one to the other, you'd be hard pressed to get two readings the same.

It really doesn't matter what the number is, so long as the overall direction is a downward one. Try to weigh no more than once a week (I know, easier said than done ); on the same scale; at the same time of day; wearing the same clothing (or lack thereof).

Keep things moving and shaking, girl.
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Old 03-01-2007, 11:13 AM   #8
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I'm buying a tape measure TODAY! hahaha Angi, I think we have all felt the same frustration. Only we, who have been there, know exactly how hard you're working. And believe me, we know it is HARD!!!! That's why I did the "Do you remember" thread. Because I was having one of those very hard days...and the scale wasn't moving....so I had to convince myself that I HAD changed. The number on the scale is just number....if it's moving in a downward direction try no to worry too much about differences from scale to scale.
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Old 03-01-2007, 11:58 AM   #9
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I gave myself the same panic attack recently. Chronic dieting can condense our lives into a cosmic game of "Shoots and Ladders, with our self-esteem riding on each play. I'm still trying to learn how to "win," or at least get off this darn gameboard.
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Old 03-01-2007, 12:04 PM   #10
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Just a word on the scale....I bought a good scale about six months ago...a Tanita (I think that's what it's called) and that is the only scale I weigh on. I fluctuate on that a little bit too and that could depend on where I am in my monthly cycle due to water retention. My measurements, I let Curves do for me and always get the same person to do it.

Hang in there (and it sounds like you are!)!
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Old 03-01-2007, 12:05 PM   #11
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Thanks for sharing your personal thoughts Angihas. I understand where you are coming from. That's why I've started and stopped so many times. Good work with the inches coming off! I guess I should try measurements, too. Scary!!!
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Old 03-01-2007, 12:23 PM   #12
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Hey Angi
Don't be so hard on yourself ! Maybe you are getting some muscles ? I don't know enough about this whole black hole of dieting- but you are toning up which tells me you are doing things right.
Why are those numbers on the scale so important to us ? Save your quarters and stop calling yourself a fat chick- become a healthy chick who is working really hard at improving who she is.
You and I are are going to have a fat bra bulge for a while.Just keep on working out and things will fall into place in time. I would love to look at me from behind and see the person I was at 21, but that was over 20 years ago.
Sometimes all of this diet stuff is VOODOO,but the inches do not lie. Continue to believe. You are winning the battle. You want to get healthy, you are that woman with the taco salad.Don't sabatoge yourself-you are closer that you think !
Shovel some snow, attack the ellipical, have a cuppa water and take care !
See you in Onederland,
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Old 03-01-2007, 01:23 PM   #13
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I hear you on scale stuff, I only weigh myself on my personal scale. It's the only one who's number matters because it's the only one thats been around since the beginning. I *KNOW* my scale is wrong, but it's measures loss just fine. If you have been using the same scale to lose the almost 50 pounds, then you HAVE lost it, it's not like you gained 19 pounds overnight!

Congrats on the measurements!

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Old 03-01-2007, 06:35 PM   #14
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Angi,
What can I say that hasn't already been said?

I am so glad you started feeling better and that it was your measurement day. I can imagine how devastating you may feel, darn scale!! But if you have weighed yourself on the same scale since starting then that scale has been tracking CONTINUOUS loss... and even if you haven't, there is a very bright side: you have obviously lost weight, inches, experienced freckle discoveries, toned up, done wonders for your health I am sure, set a good example for your dear loved ones... and those are awesome accomplishments that you can be very very proud of

We're cheering for you . You're doing great! Keep at it and you'll find yourself where you want to be
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