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My Sister---She Called Me a ... COW.

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Old 02-27-2007, 10:06 AM   #1
Kae
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Angry My Sister---She Called Me a ... COW.

I got in a big fight with my sister last night. You know, I hold myself accountable for my part in the argument. I know what I said to her was no better than what she said to me. I know we both said harsh things; we were mad. So she called me a Cow.. which usually when we argue she will call me fat or something to that extent.

So Last Night---
... She called me Cow... she called me a Sow... she called me a Loser.. she said I disgust her and that I am a 300 lb fat pig who couldn't get a guy even if I wanted one.. she thinks I'm bipolar... and she said that people are tired of feeling sorry for me because I whine all the time...

I expect it.. she's made fun of my weight all my life.. so why do I let it get to me?

I've been letting her opinions affect me and my health. I mean, I haven't been able to exercise in front of her.. I feel self conscious of everything.. what I wear.. what I eat.. when I exercise.. which makes it very difficult to get in a workout when I'm at home because although we both work 2 jobs, she is home more than I am. If I am jumping around exercising she comments on the house falling apart and the walls shaking.

Ugh, I am so mad. I let it get to me and that annoys me more. It's not just the fat thing.. it's living with her is making me nutz. We have shared a place now for a little over a year and I don't know how much longer I can do it....

What to do??
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Old 02-27-2007, 10:32 AM   #2
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I'm sorry Kae!!! It must be so hard to go through that all the time. I know that it must be hard to tune her out, but just turn up the workout tape and ignore her!!!!! It's always hard to tune out a name-calling loud sister, trust me, I know! You just need to remember that you have already lost 9lbs, and that you are doing something for YOU and that whatever you need to do to get to goal, exercise, the foods you eat, anything, is part of this journey. And if she can't support you and boost you up, she's not a very understanding person. Is there any way you can sit down with her and explain what you are trying to do? That you are tired of the weight and want to better yourself? And the fact that she is constantly ragging you about it is not helping at all? I wish it were easier for you, sometimes the people who are supposed to support you the most do it the least. You always have a place to vent here though! And I know most of us have the people who will always be unsupportive. For me, it's my Mom. And it stinks, but I just think about how hot I'll be when I lose the weight, and then she'll have nothing more to say!!!
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Old 02-27-2007, 10:43 AM   #3
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Is your sister overweight? Is it possible that she's jealous of your weight loss?

Sorry to hear that she's being insensitive and downright mean.
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Old 02-27-2007, 10:50 AM   #4
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My sister has been gaining some weight but she is probably about 5'7-5'8 and about 185 lbs?? She wears a size 12 tall pants I think and small- med. size shirt.
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Old 02-27-2007, 10:50 AM   #5
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First off, I am sending you a big hug. It is so sad whenever anyone (be it a relative or someone off the street) feels that it is ok to lash out with such hateful things. I now look at that person as someone who must not think a whole lot of themselves for them to feel it is ok to berate another human being like that. What a terrible existance they must have.

For it being your sister, and one that you live with no less, you are going to have to come up with some coping strategies. Is moving out an option? It sounds like it is not a very ideal living situation for you to be in with all the negative things going on. NO matter what, I think you need to set down with her and have a long talk. Before doing it, make notes to yourself as to all the things that need to be discussed. I hope you can work somethiing out. And don't forget, we are all here for you.

I do know your pain. I have a sister that I didn't speak to for 8 years (for some of those kinds of reasons) She and I are friends now, but she knows that if it ever got bad like it did before, that I will not hesitate to shut that door again. I had to for my own mental heath. Some people are just toxic and refuse to help themselves.
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Old 02-27-2007, 11:00 AM   #6
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I agree with the move out option. It sounds to me like you are toxic for one another. An abusive relationship is NOT the road to a healthy you. Even if you lose weight, all the stress and anxiety alone is very unhealthy. Live for you!
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Old 02-27-2007, 11:10 AM   #7
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*big hug* I know your pain Kae. For me it is my aunts and grandmother always making snide remarks about how big I am or saying mean things to my sisters about how they need to make sure they don't turn out like I did. (I'm the oldest of 4) I also agree with the move out option, if that truely is an option for you. I've struggled with my weight my entire life and it wasn't until i was VERY far away from the negative energy my extended family was feeding me that I was finally strong enough to do something about it. Now I'm looking forward to my visit this summer, when I've lost a ton of weight, just to show them that they were wrong. Imagining the looks on their faces when they see that the "fat" neice/granddaughter is no longer fat is one of the things that keeps me motivated to exercise and eat right.
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Old 02-27-2007, 11:29 AM   #8
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I'm sorry, Kae. I agree with the others... if possible, move out, or at least spend as much time away as possible.

As for her nasty comments when you work out, ignore them if you can. It's not your fault she has a cushy schedule. It sounds like SHE'S the bipolar one... if she were really concerned about your mental health, she wouldn't be blowing up like that. I'm sorry Kae Please vent here anytime you need to, we're here for you!
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Old 02-27-2007, 11:30 AM   #9
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That's wicked mean! Get far away from her as soon as you can! She sounds angry beyond a heart-to-heart conversation (though I'd encourage that, too).

Perhaps you could start going for walks instead of exercising in front of her. I'd not exercise if someone was continually criticizing me. Ick!

I'm so sorry the relationship between the two of you has gotten so sour!
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Old 02-27-2007, 12:00 PM   #10
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She is upset with me. I have been thinking about moving out.. out of state in fact. My brother and his wife have invited for me to come live with them in New York. I would love to make more of my art and here (in MN) I am not doing anything with it. My bro and his wife both say I can come stay as long as need before I find a job and a place to live. I know my sister is upset about this, though she has not said it to me she has said it to my other sister. She doesn't want me to go.

As for me, I debate it. Although it is something I always said I wanted to do (even though I have never been there).. it is not the sister I live with that is making me stay. I feel bad about leaving my mom and my little sister behind. My little sister is 6.. and I try to help my mom out with her at least once a week. My mom has Lukemia of the Blood and Bone Marrow, for which the only actual cure is a bone marrow transplant...

Do I live for others or for myself? I struggle with the guilt. I am thinking about visiting them in Mid May in NY.. check out the moving prospects and such and see if it is even something I would like to do or just an ideal I have created in my mind.
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Old 02-27-2007, 12:02 PM   #11
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WOW - that's a great "in" to NY! Very exciting. I visited Manhattan once and I loved it!

Tough call on the living-for-others guilt. I understand the little sis and mom thing.
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Old 02-27-2007, 12:35 PM   #12
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Kae, she's reverting to name-calling and making for some deep-seated bad feelings.....and (ahem), she is not perfect herself.....physically or in her head.
(she sounds amazingly like my xhusband throughout our divorce).

I think you would love NY, it might raise your spirits to visit....certainly a change in environment would be instrumental in boosting your mood.....

I live 30miles west of NYC...people from my neighborhood regularly commute and work there....I saw my neighbor for the frist time since last summer, and commented on how great she looked....she lost about 30 lbs. by simply giving up her Metrocard (subway) and walking to work from the bus terminal in a 6 month period.

Don't let your sister's cruelty get to you.....she's not a happy woman with herself.
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Old 02-27-2007, 01:20 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marbleflys View Post
Kae, she's reverting to name-calling and making for some deep-seated bad feelings.....and (ahem), she is not perfect herself.....physically or in her head.
(she sounds amazingly like my xhusband throughout our divorce).

I think you would love NY, it might raise your spirits to visit....certainly a change in environment would be instrumental in boosting your mood.....

I live 30miles west of NYC...people from my neighborhood regularly commute and work there....I saw my neighbor for the frist time since last summer, and commented on how great she looked....she lost about 30 lbs. by simply giving up her Metrocard (subway) and walking to work from the bus terminal in a 6 month period.

Don't let your sister's cruelty get to you.....she's not a happy woman with herself.

I agree. This is simply horrid. My xhusband did the same thing to me. I am astonished she'd stoop to name calling, that's just low. Hugs to you.. keep your chin up and DON'T allow her to get under your skin.. and remember to live for yourself first.. life is too short.. trust me, I have lived it.
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Old 02-27-2007, 01:45 PM   #14
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Oh, Kae, I feel for your situation. Those are some tough decisions to make. It has always amazed me that so many people think that it is ok to be so nasty and make such awful comments to those of us on the "fluffy" side. Most would never even consider such comments to people with other issues, but seem to be of the mindset that it is ok to ridicule fat people.
Kae, WE are here for you. Keep strong and feel good about coming to this resource with your frustrations.
Just keep going with your exercising and making it closer to your goal!!
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Old 02-27-2007, 01:47 PM   #15
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Kae, I am so angry reading your post you have no idea. She calls herself a sister. I'm sorry, I don't mean to put her down, but she's just so out of line here. It is totally unacceptable to say things like that to people. What is she 5? Actually a 5 year old would know better then that. I wouldn't take one word of what she said to heart. I would ignore whatever she said. She's definitely got some issues here. Which is just too bad for her. She has no right taking it our on you.

As for your moving to NY. I think it's a great idea. I think you need to get out of that situation with your sister and NY is a great place to spread your wings. I'm so sorry that your mom is not well. I guess that does make the situation not so cut and dried. Have you talked about it with your mom? Told her how you are considering it? I'm sure she would want what's best for you. Nothing would make her happier then to see you happy.
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