Sounds like you have my sister (and you can keep her!!). Honestly, though she would probably find something to pick on you for, even if you were thin. Some sisters have a way of finding our weaknesses and exploiting them just to make themselves feel more important. I lived with my "bad" sister once for two years, it was the longest two years of my life! Can she take over helping out your mom? You really need to talk to your mom about the situation, not your sister who can make you feel guilty about moving, just to make you stay. As a New Yorker, I love it here. I agree with you taking a trip out and checking it out, so nice of your brother and his wife to offer you a place to stay, that can really take a lot of stress off of you and what an opportunity!! You need to do what is best for you.
I think I may have been a little unclear. What I meant by "live for you" is that until you begin to take care of you, physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc....there will be nothing but the worst of you to be with. Your time with your mom and baby sis will leave much to be desired until you become the woman you were created to be. A woman living with the stress and abuse you are suffering was NOT created to live that way. It's almost like you were living with a husband who beat you up. If your best friend lived with a man who kicked the crap out of her what would your advise be? Love yourself enough to give that same advise to you....what a great example of love that would be for baby sister!
Have you talked to your mom about this at all? I'm sure that she wouldn't want her illness to stand in the way of your growing as a person. Also your other sister (the one that you live with) should also be helping out as well if your mom needs the help. I think going out there in May to have a look at the situation sounds like a good idea.
I don't know what gives her the right to call you names. Like at her height and weight she isn't a supermodel either. that's one of the great things about my family, they have never, ever commented in a negative way about my weight. My mom nags me once in awhile about it but she's never said anything bad to me about it.
I have briefly spoken to my sister in the past 2 weeks, not since yesteday mind you, about how I am trying to lose weight. She knows I am trying; I am the one who buys ALL of the groceries.
I have talked a little bit to my Mom about moving out of state. She is aware that I am looking into it, though I don't know if she knows how serious I am. While she doesn't want to hold me back, I do know that she absolutely doesn't want me to go. She wants me to be happy but it's not just about the babysitting my sister thing; my mom will tell you herself that I helped raise her, it is a companionship thing. I am closer to her than my other siblings; I make the effort and try to help out. My other siblings do not offer to help out and they won't.. least of all the sister I live with currently.
RoyalsFan1-- as for your comment: what would you say to someone being abused? That is a good point. I know both sides of the spectrum really because I have been there when I told someone to get out and in the same sense when I was a teenager my mom's ex (my little sis's dad) Verbally and Physically abused us all for a few years while we lived with him. So I can see where I just kinda let people walk on me.
Kae, sometimes other siblings won't offer to help when one person is doing the majority of the work....think for a bit what would actually OCCUR if Kae wasn't there to pick up the slack........they would have to all pitch in and share responsibility.
If you can't "just say *no*" , make yourself unavailable for a bit and see what happens.
Kae, I don't have any answers for you, but I hope things work out for the best. It's complicated, but moving to NY sounds fantastic if you can do that. Your sister clearly has some issues she needs to work through, and you don't need her affecting the positive things you're doing for yourself. It breaks my heart that you have to deal with it, honestly. But you know you're making positive changes, and we're here for you!
Oh Kae hun I am so sorry that she is so ... hurtful and insensitive! No one deserves to be discriminated against or laughed at on the basis of their weight, or anything else really. I wish this decision was easier for you, although even as I write that I can't help but think that we grow stronger through these experiences - still, I wish it was easier..
Hang in there, we are here for you and will support you along the way
Back again. I moved from NY to Wisconsin to live with my sister when I was 21 -- remember, if you don't like it here you can always go back "home". So, if you think it might be exciting, give it a try. I went to WI on vacation for two weeks and came back and gave my boss two weeks notice. I lived there for 3 years before coming back. It's just a wonderful experience you're being offered -- hope you make a decision based on You!!! But, if you don't want to leave your mom and little sister, then try to make some changes to make your relationship with your sister better - even if it means moving out!!!
I think the thing to keep in mind is this. Relatives, especially siblings, know our weaker points. You know how to push her buttons, she knows how to push yours. When an arguement erupts, things that happened when you were 8, 10 or 12 get drug up and the skeleton dances for the world to see. It's the nature of siblings, but the other side of that coin is they are the ones we should be able to turn to when we need them. Be it emotional, mentally or financially. It doesn't sound to me as if your sister, and perhaps you are pulling equal weight. If you can argue and fight and call one another names, you should also be able to sit down, talk and hopefully say I'm sorry, I love you. If you can't than you're BOTH in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship and you're poisoning each other.
I agree with the visit NY suggestion. You may get there, fall in love with the city, or realise that it's not the city for you. Who knows? You won't, unless you try it. As for mom and youngest sis, if your siblings/aunts/family whoever aren't willing to pitch in and help, what about churches? Friends? Organisations who help people with cancer? Resources are available. However, I also know, myself with a parent who has battled breast cancer, twice. Another parent who is a walking time bomb, that leaving, knowing they need help is rough. Emotional suicide, sometimes. But, not doing what will make you happy is the same thing. You have to do whats best for you too. Good luck!
Even if you do decide to stay in your town and help your mom, that doesn't mean that you have to live with your sister, or even talk to her. Whenever someone starts to be abusive to me, that's when the conversation is over. If you walk away, she'll feel pretty stupid following you down the road shouting afer a while. Maybe you can tell her that the two of you can talk any time she's going to be reasonable, and walk away when she's not. I'd definitely move out though. It sounds like there is a lot of emotional blackmail going on in your life. Everyone and everything is not your responsibility. You cannot hold the world together by yourself. Even if you could, you'd have to take care of yourself and make sure you were in good health first.
Oh, I've never posted on this part of the forum before. Sorry, Hi, I'm Jessica. Nice to meet you.
Hey I'm sending a BIG hug.But please dont let what was said to you stop you from staying here with us who I know not 1 person thinks of you nothing other than a woman whom we ALL care about.We're all fighting the same battle.So,what comes around goes around and most people who are ugly will have there turn on a day when they least expect it.So,hold that head up HIGH,come to this site and just see how most of us are tuffing different things out!!!! Maybe deep down she is in pain and she is taking it out on you.I have 4 sisters and sometimes when they have had a bad day I can say something and they end up taking it out on me or the others and we dont even why.So we try to be quick to forgive,just in case next time I have a bad day and take it out on on of my sisters. DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY!!!!
just because shes thin doesnt mean shes not jealous of your weight loss. maybe she feels poorly about herself so bringing you down boosts her up. shes a jerk. ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))
