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Significant other -- supportive or not??

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Old 02-10-2007, 09:54 PM   #1
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Default Significant other -- supportive or not??

Just curious where everyone else is on this --

My husband was supportive probably my first two feeble attempts at weight loss but I think he's hit his limit and is rather critical of it and sometimes a bit nasty.

So, where are you on this -- I hope everyone is supportive of your efforts.
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Old 02-10-2007, 11:10 PM   #2
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Matt is very supportive. When we first met, online I weighed 127, very underweight for my height/frame. 4 kids later, I'm at the other end of the spectrum. Thankfully, he loved me skinny and now he's loved me fat. Somewhere in between will make me happy and healthier. Thats his focus, I think he's worried with my family history, that if I don't lose weight, he'll be raising the kidlets by himself, lol. He's very very supportive, he does the dvd's with me, jogs the driveway with me and is on board with the change in dietary habits. Thank stars, otherwise, I would have given up along time ago. He's my cheerleader.
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Old 02-10-2007, 11:36 PM   #3
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My DH is supportive of my wt. loss and maintenance efforts. But, in no way does it keep him from getting whatever junk food he wants to eat when away from home. He doesn't complain about the new way I cook. He does praise my efforts but constantly reminds me that he didn't have a problem with my weight when I was much heavier than I am now.
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Old 02-11-2007, 01:52 AM   #4
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My husband seriously doesn't seem to care less either way.
When I met him, many years ago, I was chubby like I've always been. The last few years when I have really started to pack on the pounds he hasn't said anything at all.
When I have made comments like "God, I look so fat in this dress...how can I possibly go to that wedding? (insert any family function)." He will just smile and reply "Honey, stop it, you look great." Deep down I always feel like he is just saying it not to hurt my feelings of course.
I've never seriously decided to lose weight so, when I told him about my plans he nodded and said it sounds good. He really seems indifferent either way. My husband is one of those blessed people who can eat anything at all, not exercise a bit, and be healthy and slender.
Him and I eat pratically the same diet, actually I think his diet is even worse. I exercise everyday, working my little (or should I say big? LOL) behind off while he gets to sit around and enjoy the computer or what not. All his blood work and blood pressure are great and he has awesome muscles in his arms and abdomen. He is completely healthy. What gives?
If only life was fair huh? I suppose in some ways that I am lucky to have a husband who is fit and healthy and doesn't criticize me. On the other hand, he wouldn't be much of a husband if he did criticize me right? Ahhh..the old two sides to every coin
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Old 02-11-2007, 08:12 AM   #5
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My weight gain I think makes me feel guilty towards my husband which may in turn change our relationship and I'm just blaming him for that!! He met and married a 5' 10", 150 pound woman and here we are 10 years later and I've gained another person !!! He gets rather upset with me and I kind of don't blame him. To me you are attracted to a certain type of person and then "poof" they are gone!! I KNOW he loves me very much and just is disappointed I let my appearance go. Funny is -- he's gained 30 pounds since we got married (he was REALLY skinny when we met) but that's okay for him. Than again, if I had stopped at 30 lbs I might be okay I am starting to believe it's not just about my weight -- my whole personality has definitely changed since I gained -- I'm less outgoing, tend to be more depressed and I am embarrassed of my appearance. So -- this is the year all that's going to change -- one step at a time!! Wait till he sees his skinny wife at Christmas time!!!
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Old 02-11-2007, 08:27 AM   #6
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Shelby I feel for your situation, I honestly and truly do. When we all got married we knew it was going to be for better or for worse. Your DH knew that too. Yes, I suppose he has a right to wanting his "old" wife back. But tough, life happens. You are older and wiser and a mother now. With different needs and different wants and just plain old different. There are so many more stresses that one has to deal with now as opposed to when you guys first started out. You can't possibly be the same person as when he first married you ten years ago. Inside and out.

My husband thank G-d has loved and adored and wanted me at 135 lbs and 287 lbs. I don't think he has mentioned my weight (until recently) more then 5 times in all the years we were married (almost 21). Although quite frankly I'm not sure why.

I strongly, strongly believe that you have to make losing weight about YOU, not about HIM in order to be successful. Just kind of one of those mental things. Now of course your husband as well as your children will benefit from you being HEALTHIER and thinner and happier. But first and foremost this is for YOU, YOU and YOU. Take care of you first for you and everyone and everything else will just have to follow.

Wait til YOU see his skinny wife Christmas time.
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Old 02-11-2007, 08:44 AM   #7
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ok so I'm not married, and I don't technically have a 'boyfriend' but there is a man and though we aren't technically together we have been having a torrid affair for about 7 years now so we may as well be. He is my best friend, not doubt. He is very supportive of me. He has seen me through my bottomest of the barrel times and is very excited about my turn for the better. We have had this very intense mutual connection/love thing going on pretty much since the day we met which neither of us really understands, and are both scared to death of. He's never know me as thin, and weight doesn't seem that it will change how we are. He always insists that he thinks I look great, and I really think he means it. But he also knows that I'm not happy with how I look and although its great that he feels the same way about me regardless he totally understands that I'm not really doing this for him, I'm doing it for me so what he thinks doesn't really make much of a difference...I'm not gonna stay fat because my long-term affair doesn't mind it.

We chat online pretty much all day while we are at work and he always asks me how things are going with my get healthy initiative and tells me how proud of me he is, and how much he believes in me and knows I will get to my goal. We are very frank with each other. He only sees me every 2 or 3 weeks because of our schedules and living a bit of a distance from each other so he always notices the changes more than anyone else because he doesn't see me every day. I don't know, our relationship is a bit weird and twisted..but it works for us and what we are both comfortable with right now and he's been good for me getting healthy.
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Old 02-11-2007, 09:23 AM   #8
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For lack of a better word my significant other Is very supportive. I think he didn't really get into it until I started to talk about working out and he realized I was acting and not just talking about it. He never knew me when I was small. I only found out a few weeks ago he prefers women a size 18/20. I'm a 28. I was a little nervous about losing and him not being interested in a smaller me, but he said I have to be the size I am comfortable with and he'll love me no matter what, although he'll miss the big booty, LOL.
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Old 02-11-2007, 09:24 AM   #9
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NESunshine -- there is nothing "wierd or twisted" about your relationship!! Everyone's relationships are based on what works for them. Whatever is comfortable for both of you (and it obviously is, it's worked this long!!) is what is right. You seem very comfortable with each other, which is important.

Rockinrobin -- I think the reason it is finally working for me is I've actually left my husband out of my "equation". I'm doing this for me (and a little for my kids). I want to feel better, I want to look better, etc. It's has just been hard knowing I had someone constantly watching everything I was doing towards weight loss so.... I just don't care anymore -- sounds harsh but I'm in my own little world as far as my efforts go -- I know when I'm doing well, when my emotions are making me do bad and what I need to do to correct it. When I finally quit trying to please those around me, it actually became much easier. I don't feel like I have to have immediate results to prove to anyone I can do this. I'm SO glad everyone seems to have such supportive significant others, I guess a little part of me was hoping to find someone in the same boat as me -- but it is nice to see everyone has such support!!
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Old 02-11-2007, 09:45 AM   #10
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This post couldn't have come at a better time...after a long night of long conversations with my husband about this very issue. My husband loves me fat and loves me thin...that's not the issue. His issue is, that since I have been on a "quest" to be healthier, the grocery bill has gone up and, in his opinion, the quality of food has gone down. I think the quality is better but to him, healthy = flavorless. It has seriously become a huge source of tension for us. He thinks I've changed since beginning this journey and in many ways he's right but I like the new me. So, I think he's supportive of my weight loss, but not so much of all the "stuff" that comes with it...different food, grocery bills, etc. It's been hard for us to work through. Since we have a small child that we have to feed we need to comprimise because we both need to be ok with what we feed my daughter. Otherwise, we would each just do our own thing and not care.

This weight loss journey has definitely been one that has created some tension with us but it's not anything we can't work through. It's just taking some extra effort!
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Old 02-11-2007, 10:06 AM   #11
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Shelby I like how you put it, that you're in your own little world now. It's really nice that I get to share my successes with my daughters and DH. They are truly, truly happy for me. But the truth of the matter is that hadn't a clue as to just how miserable I really was, so they can't possibly know just how happy I am now. They can't possibly delight in my pounds coming off the same way as I do. They don't know whats in my journal and my inner most thoughts. Heck they don't even know how much I weighed when I started or what I weigh now. I'm not sure if I'll ever tell them. Of course they see a change in me, and not just in the physical sense. I am so much happier and active and yeah happier, it needs to be repeated twice. This journey I'm on is really all about me, me, me. I know that might sound a tad selfish, so be it. Without a doubt one of my major factors for doing this was my kids, they need a mom. And a healthy and happy one at that. I think they also might be starting to get a bit sick of hearing about calorie counts and portions and nutrients and all that stuff I've become obsessed with. I have to try and keep it in check lately. I don't want to be the scary, boring one that's always talking about their "diet". So I've definitely been holding back lately. They just don't get as excited as I do when I find a new healthy food that I like or a new exercise or what have you. So I've got to keep a lot of this stuff bottled up inside of me. Thank G-d for 3FC!!!

But this truly has been a very personal, very emotional ride for me. I really have no one to share that with. There are really no words to describe what's going on in my head these days. The changes in my physical self have really, really brought about a change in my mental self as well. And there's just no way for me to express that to anyone else. I can't even exactly express it all to myself.
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Old 02-11-2007, 10:57 AM   #12
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avsfan2 -- Sad that healthy food is so much more expensive than the junk, isn't it!! I have a weekly grocery budget because I pretty much stick to the same basics each week, but I do make a menu for meal planning, maybe if you and your husband sit down and each pick out a few of the meals. I admit we do have one or two a week that I don't feel health wise are the best for us right now, but it keeps the husband (and kids) happy!! I also think spouses, family, etc. just think of it as losing weight and our appearance -- but I think we change a lot of our former selves as well -- personalities change, a lot of us will become more outgoing as we become more confident in our appearance, etc. It's a lot for someone else to understand.

Rockinrobin -- So, I guess when we start we think it's all going to be positive, amazing the feelings that come up, that we just have no one to share them with. Spouses, children, etc. can be very supportive, but it's hard to go from almost invisible to so darn hot you can't stand it, isn't it? And the center of my life has been the foods I ate and how they made me feel, it's been tough to refocus on exercise, drinking water and eating healthy. I now find myself trying to come up with things to fill that void food used to fill (in such an unhealthy way). And, I think two people who each loss 100 pounds will still have different feelings towards it and the journey they've been on. So, in the end we can all relate to the struggles and trials of losing weight, but I think each person's journey takes a different route to get there.

Ramble, ramble, ramble, sorry!!
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Old 02-11-2007, 12:28 PM   #13
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I guess being by myself....i dont get help or problems
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Old 02-11-2007, 12:31 PM   #14
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Hubby is SO Supportive. We are actually in the obesity FIGHT together. He is a madman when it comes to workouts and fitness. But, I basically fed him to overweight. So, he has last 150+ lbs before and is going again with me. He lost 25lbs in JAN alone . I lost about 12 . . . happy about it.

But, we depend on each other for encouragement in those "low" moments. I am very thankful for that.

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Old 02-11-2007, 12:48 PM   #15
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DH is supportive in some senses. He is encouraging me to keep going, telling me how great I'm looking, etc. BUT, he thinks that he should be allowed to have chips in the house, have hamburger helper, etc. I've told him in no uncertain terms that he's not to have any of that crap in my house. If he wants them, fine, keep them in his truck or at work with him. But, I'm home all day with just me and the baby and I can't have that crap in my house right now. Also, he needs to get healthy, probably more so than I do. I'm healthy, just fat. He's not as healthy (high cholesterol, high BP and type II diabetes) and needs to lose weight too! So, I've told him that I can't control what he eats when he's not at home, but when he is, he'll be eating what I make - as I don't run a restaurant. When I'm here and cook for him this works. But, when I go out (first time for more than 2 hours yesterday), I came home to a bag of sour cream and cheddar chips and hamburger helper on the stove (well, mac and cheese with hamburger mixed in). At least it was lean meat, but the five boxes of mac and cheese and the country crock he bought (I didn't even check to see if he bought whole milk into the house) is the problem. It's the quantities. If he wanted mac and cheese, he could have bought one single box. It's an issue for sure. So is going out to eat. We go out after mass every Sunday with bil/sil too. The three of us (minus DH) are doing WW. He doesn't think about us, or the fact that it has to be a place that we can find something to eat - he just wants the greasy breakfast diner.

He has lost right along with me as I usually make him lunch (he works close by) and dinner. So, he's getting healthier, and that's why I'm fine with him eating whatever he wants at work, etc - I just don't want crap food in my house. I don't think that's unreasonable, but he does.

He was, however, enlightened, when I picked up the (half eaten) bag of chips and let him know that 11 chips was one serving. I think he'll be looking at that more often now.
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