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Old 01-13-2007, 05:59 AM   #1
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Seoul, South Korea
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S/C/G: GW - 145

Height: 5'6"

Default Failure and despair

I have picked at this diet stuff and played with different ones for a long time now. You chicks have seen me mess around for a year now with no success. I guess I can't find the click. I have friends who try to motivate me here and move me along but it's not working. It's me. I can eat healthy as a horse and thats the problem I eat enough for a horse but I don't exercise like one. I decided I needed to take it from a different approach and just focus on exercise and was doing it over the xmas holiday. I was conscientious until I pulled my shoulder and had 3 days of the stomach virus. I feel like I will never get it together. My honey is still here even after his comments over a year ago that almost broke my heart. He loves me but I don't think he is attracted to me like I want him to be. I just lose it every day by the end of the day. I blow at about 3 PM. I can eat well and healthy for the whole day and then I come home alone and just go to heck in a hand basket. It seems so easy for me to buy those 4 string cheeses on my way home from the commissary and woof them down in the car.....I see myself as gorger and really don't know how to stop myself.

I dumped all this out there to you guys and girls but I guess because is has been on my mind so long. My cousin just died from a life which for the last 15 - 20 he has been house bound because of his weight an all the complications that come with it. Wake me up??? who knows.....

Today I sat on the couch and ate 2/3 of a twisted cheetohs bag. It was total boredom and then I took a nap. My back hurts and I can't sleep at night and well.....I just needed to dump all this here. Thanks for listening.
SW 303/ CW 297/ GW 145
Starting Feb. 20, 2017, Following Keto
10% Goal 270 or 122kgs.

FIRST GOAL: Hoping for 33 pounds (14.9 kgs) gone by June 1, 2017. as of Feb 25 only 27 more to go!
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Old 01-13-2007, 08:23 AM   #2
Quitting is NOT an option
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HANG IN THERE!! I am like you, I feel like a failure and in despair. I am new to this whole dieting thing. I have decided that it's not a diet I want to go on but . . . just eat healthier and be aware of what I'm putting in my mouth, do a bit of exercise (this has always made me feel better). My thinking is if I go on a diet then when my weight is where I want it to be, then I go off the diet, right . . . Well then that's when I figure you gain the weight back. I feel like it's a balancing act, once I reach my goal, I can have an extra snack or two, but I can't just eat junk. I still need to eat healthy and exercise to keep me where I want to be.

It also sounds like you might be bored. It sounds like there is a support system for you, it's just not working. So ask yourself, what exercise do I like to do. Is it a swim in the pool, a walk in the park or the mall (the park works for me, but not the mall, too stuffy) Do I like the treadmill, pilates, yoga, WATP videos, bicycling (I can do the real thing but have a bit of a problem with indoors). Do you like photography??? Buy a digital camera and walk around Korea and take pictures of anything and everything, I would imagine there are tons of things to take pictures of. Maybe not technically exercise, but you'd be walking while you're taking pics. Call someone to go for a walk or better yet walk to their house, if their not home walk back, at least you got in a bit of exercise.

I know you hurt your shoulder and it may take some time to heal but there are other things you can do without your shoulder. Stomach flus can be horrible, but it won't last forever. You'll feel better soon, then you have to decide what YOU want, not your sweetie, or siblings or anyone. You need to decide for you. OK, so you eat healthy, but like a horse. Try to eat like a pony. I have 3:00 issues too. Now you know that you are hungry at 3:00so plan for it. Figure out something, maybe some protien (peanuts, almonds) and maybe a banana (always filling for me) and start eating it just before three. Maybe when you are eating it, take a bit and in your mind describe the taste, texture feel. Then you won't eat it quite so fast. (sometimes works for me) or take a drink of water between each bit and every 2-3 peanuts.

I have been eating about 6 times a day . . . UGH!! but my meals are a bit smaller, much healthier and I am finding out what fills me up and what doesn't. I also eat 1-2 pieces of dark chocolate EVERYDAY, yes chocolate is my weakness. If I were to completely take chocolate out of my life, I think I would just end up eating two or three or four bars of chocolate, so I figure if I have just a little bit everyday then I won't go overboard.

It's hard, I'm not going to pretend it's not, everyday things tempt me, sometimes I win, sometimes they win, but the fact that I am trying keeps me going. So you ate a bunch of cheetos . . . they won this time, next time YOU WILL WIN. Just hang in there either way, if something happens, work around it. Sick, well you can't help that, start when you're better. Hurt shoulder, exercise something that just uses your legs.

I have always been a very ALL or NONE person, but life doesn't work that way and throws you curveballs, sometimes quite often. We all just need to figure out how to work around all the obstacles. (and I feel like there's plenty). I just never new it before because I just kept going, so I'm taking on that attitude again. I'm just going to get going and if something knocks me down, well I am going to pick myself up, or have someone help me up, brush myself off and figure out why that didn't work and head down a different path.

You have lost 12 POUNDS, I think that is amazing. I have only been working on this for about two weeks, (two weeks of eating healthy and one week of exercise) and I am soooooooooo afraid to get on the scale, because I'm afraid I will be disheartend and give up.

Call a friend, e-mail me . . . demand the support you want and need.


OK, did I get a bit wordy or what . . . I just don't want you to give up, you're already on your way, just keep going . . . you can make it!!!


S. Diane

It's the journey, not the destination that creates memories.
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Old 01-13-2007, 08:30 AM   #3
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It won't happen until both your mind and heart are into it. I've been there and done that - tried many times with no ultimate success because of I allowed my mind to have it's own voice. "Go ahead and eat it - you can always get back on track tomorrow" or "Go ahead and become a slug in front of the TV - you can exercise twice as much tomorrow (right!)". And then when I wasn't losing as I wanted to - I gave up the fight. Twice in my lifetime (back in 2003 and right now) I have wanted to lose weight more than anything else. More than that slice of pizza which would have put me over my daily calorie allotment. More than sleeping an extra 30 minutes in the morning or going to bed 30 minutes earlier so that I could get in an hour of exercise. And more than eating at that restaurant where I knew there was absolutely nothing on the menu that I would eat that met my plan.

Only you can determine when your mind and heart are really into it. But until you reach that point don't beat yourself up for what you call "failure" - you are not failing unless you don't try at all. Instead of looking at the big picture just concentrate on trying to incorporate a few small changes. Keep a food journal and just try to lower your current calorie intake by 100-200 calories or only eat 3/4 or 1/2 of what you put on your plate (I never could do this - if it's on my plate I eat it! Which is why I now eat solely on dessert plates! ). Make sure that when you go to the grocery store or the mall that you park as far away as possible so that you get in a little bit more exercise or if you're sitting at home and feel like watching TV instead of exercising at least exercise with 5 lb weights while watching TV or do like Robin suggested (I think that was who suggested it - sorry if I have the wrong name) - that during every commercial break make yourself move (this has helped me tremendously!) And if your food issues start at 3 PM when you come home alone - don't go home!

And even though I feel like I just typed a whole book - I don't really have any answers for you. Then end result of my post is just a few suggestions. We are here to support you and encourage you through the good times and the bad times.

I am really proud of you because you only ate 2/3 of a twisted cheetohs bag! That means you still have some control there.


Highest weight: 381.4 Recommitted 1/7/12 at 381.4

“Far away in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them quickly, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and follow where they lead.”

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Old 01-13-2007, 09:30 AM   #4
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I hear the anguish in your post and I really relate.

I know that was me for years and years and years. I think Melissa is right when she says that your "all" needs to be in it. And I don't know that I know how to get there. All I know is that for a long time I kept saying I needed to lose weight and tried a bit and stopped. Finally I had a "click" and have been running with it since, but it seems to be a delicate mental state!!

I think one of the biggest impediments I had was that I didn't believe I could do it -- why bother trying when I was just going to fail and gain all the weight back again? That's a powerful self-fulfilling prophedy!!

I'm not sure any of this helped, but maybe it helps to know that others have been there and made it out!!

My 5 C's of healthy living: Commitment to conscious control, with the understanding that choices have consequences
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Old 01-13-2007, 09:41 AM   #5
For a fit, healthy me!
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Exclamation Big big hugs Darlene!

I think we've all been there and done that. I think you have to change your inner voice that is telling you that you despair and are a failure. You are not a failure. Here you are facing a challenge and have reached out for support and hope. You are brave and scrappy!

Next for me I can't wait for something to click or for my heart and mind to be ready. I have tried so many times to lose the weight and gone way up and down that this time I told myself I have to do it and my mind and spirit better get on board pretty quick. (Truly, respectfully disagreeing with you Melissa only because I have waited so long for a click and haven't gotten it.) I understand completely what Melissa is saying and it is good advice, but if you needed medicine for a severe infection you couldn't wait until you were "ready." Starting this healthy eating and moving plan is my treatment for obesity. I don't have a choice.

So buy a notebook, journal all your food (good and bad) choices, all your exercise. It will help so much. Late afternoon has always killed me off as well. Now, I am sipping an Slimfast Optima shake doing that time. It satisfies my sweets craving and fills me up for hours. I won't do it forever but it works for me now. If you need to eat choose something healthy. When the temptation hits come here and get/give support. I treat myself the way I would my wayward toddler--Distraction, distraction distraction.
Each night when you look at your journal don't just look for where you can do better, praise yourself for what you are doing well. Look at your post and pretend someone else wrote it, answer it with support and love, then print out this thread and read it whenever you need support. You can do this, you have too!
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Old 01-13-2007, 03:21 PM   #6
if only she'd lose weight
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They still sell twisted cheetos there??!?!?!?! j/k :hugs: I know where you're coming from. I also know you can do it!

"It's never too late to be what you might have been." -George Eliot
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Old 01-20-2007, 05:47 AM   #7
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Default buddy?


I was searching google.com for info about WW or OA in Seoul, b/c i feel so isolated living here--I just about cried when i read your post, b/c i just finished eating cheetoh's and hamburger helper and I am sick sick sick of it. I was wondering if you wanted to chat?
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Old 01-20-2007, 03:25 PM   #8
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Darlene -- I feel the same as you sometimes. My husband said 80% of our marital problems are because of my weight, that was a year ago -- but I've finally come to the point I'm ready to do this. You can't do it for anyone else, you have to be ready to do it for you. It took me two weeks to settle into it, to stop craving my favorites and adjust to eating "normal". I still have bad days, but I try to recover as quick as possible. Coming from eating like a horse too -- I understand I can't jump on a diet bandwagon and expect to ride into the sunset, I'm happy if I have a day that I only "goof" once and recover. I have my worst times at night when everyone has gone to bed, as if the minute the last door closes, I have some magnetic pull to the kitchen, but I've had to tell myself "I can't eat at night" for now and maybe some day I can fit a snack in. I am also a gorger, the sudden impulse to empty the cabinet, the guilt after is horrible and will usually make me eat more, that whole vicious cycle. I've just learned for now there are some foods I absolutely can't have, which is what works for me. I feel like it's an addiction and I have to reroute my stress, emotions, etc. If there anything you used to really enjoy doing that you would like to start up again, reading, playing cards with someone, sewing, anything? You have to do what makes you comfortable and gets you going, we have months to fine tune whatever works for us -- it's something different for everyone, if only there was a quick fix we would all have been thin years ago!! You have to start somewhere, little goals, even if it's just not to eat from 3:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m., just to get you started.

Best of luck to you, you can do it -- for yourself!!

Weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint.
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Old 01-20-2007, 04:02 PM   #9
Intuituve Eater
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I am by no means as experiences as some, but I have been where you are and I really want to give you a big ole hug and tell you it will be ok. I am pretty much repeating what everyone else is saying, but here goes.

For me it was a lot of little steps to finally have that big click where everything came together.

I remember distinctly standing in my kitchen thinking regular dieting wasn't working for me, I happened on the intuitive eating thread and found that worked for me. I hated exercise and rather than force myself to do what was supposed to be right for me I did what I could live with. I started out parking farther and walking. I did walk away the pounds for as long as I could. I started out at half a mile and went up when I was comfortable.

I gave myself a 100 mile in 120 days goal. Something that I could be consistent about without pressuring myself.

I work alot and I tend to come home hungry so I planned and made sure to have something I wanted to eat...and sometimes that I could eat alot of when I got home.

since I am doing IE in the beginning I didn't worry so much about nutrition at first. Looking back it was more about portion control. If I was hugry I ate, if I wasn't I didn't. I also have a problem with eating out of boredom so I kept the jumk out of easy reach and stocked on fruits and other stuff. if I was going to eat out of boredom I was going to eat well.

Generally I am pretty good, but no ben and jerry's in the house

Also I found sometimes you have to take it hour by hour and then day by day.

I am saying all of this to say 1) you have to find what works for you 2) there is going to be some trial and error while you find what works and don't beat yourself up.

If something good happens you lost weight, you didn't eat the cheetos...CELBRATE...if you gain or you do eat the cheetos it is only one day or one hour. You can make the next one better.

Also don't underestimate your posting on 3fc. Its a powerful thing to put how you feel into writing and it means you are moving in the right directions.

I think you start small, maybe you cut out soda, drink more water, walk 30 min a day, walk around the mall, prepare dinner anything, just try something.

Obie =every 5lbs lost

I didn't gain it overnight and I am not going to lose it overnight/"There is do- and do not- there is no try." - Yoda /Slow and Steady Wins the Race / I can't stop, I won't stop-Diddy / One meal does not determine the rest of my life/ 330 goal 11/2015

My journey

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Old 01-20-2007, 08:48 PM   #10
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Hi Darlene,

I'm sending a big hug to you. So many of us have been where you are now and understand how defeated you feel. The food is satisfying a need you have. It may be depression, loneliness, boredom....the list can be endless. Have you read Dr. Phil's Weight Loss Solution? The book has some very good pratical steps for dealing with issues that make us overeat and lose control. I know it helped me greatly and it might help you too.

If coming home to an empty house is your weakest time, is there somewhere else you can go for a bit? Can you go to the gym for a workout or for an aerobics class? Does the gym has an indoor pool that you can 'run' in? Also, is there a TOPS - Take Off Pounds Sensibly group that meets on base? How about taking some university classes? Or maybe some arts and crafts type classes at the Arts & Crafts center or the library.

When you start to feel down, try surfing around this site...read the NSVs and the Goals and mini-goals threads. Or just join us on the 100lb thread. We're all battling the same battle and we understand. There are so many women who have been where you are now and have totally turned their life around. They didnt find any kind of magic pill or get blessed by a special star.... they are just ordinary women like you and I. If they can do it, so can you and me and all of us! Don't give up!
- Rhonda

"Live the life you've always imagined." Henry David Thoreau

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Old 01-20-2007, 10:54 PM   #11
1/2 Marathon May 15 2011
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Darlene I been coming to this site for years!! Sometimes I wonder if you've been here for over a year and you haven't lost weight.. are you in the middle of the journey or still at the beginning? Holy crap.. I've been coming here for almost 6 years! I need to get my s*%t together!!

I understand with the napping. My dh calls me the queen of the nap. If I could I would sleep 16 hours a day.. no kidding. Next time you go to the doctor - get your thyroid checked.. you never know.


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Old 01-21-2007, 12:22 PM   #12
Fit by 50!
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S/C/G: 265/262/165

Height: 5'4"


Darlene -

I just want to say that we've all been there at one time or another, or still are. We've all looked at our lives and felt disgusted and disheartened, like we have no control, no strength, no character. IT'S NOT TRUE. You're here--that speaks volumes. It takes guts to speak out about not succeeding.

You're not alone. We care about you. Make one small change to take care of yourself. Remove all snack food from your house. Drink more water. Paint your toenails.


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Old 01-21-2007, 04:15 PM   #13
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Location: Seoul, South Korea
Posts: 740

S/C/G: GW - 145

Height: 5'6"


As for making small changes, I have given up caffiene almost totally. I only drink a diet coke with caffiene if I have worked all day and need to stay up a little later. LOL
I have a friend who just started a packaged food diet plan and she is not doing so well. I am listening to all her excuses and am amazed at how many of them are the same as mine. She has only been on it for a week and she is already talking about failure and has been out to eat three times. I did the same plan about three years ago and the problem was the taste of the food.
My mood has lifted from the first time I posted a week or two ago and I have a plan to get to the gym after work today. I am also trying to do a lot more walking and taking the subway. I have also stayed away from the scale. (Actually they are broken.) My honey is supposed to get new batteries for one but I am not hurrying him. Not weighing myself for over a month has I think made a difference in my attitude. My friend has lost two clothing sizes and when I ask her if she lost weight she says....I know I have but I will never weigh myself. I just look at my body and see it getting smaller. Now I know for me not weighing myself every is not an option. I have to do it at least once a week.....but it is workig very well for her. I was seriously addicted to getting on the scale.

I decided as so many have pointed out that baby steps are a GOOD thing!

Thanks to everyone who has posted hugs and support. Sometimes I just need to sound off to people who understand.
SW 303/ CW 297/ GW 145
Starting Feb. 20, 2017, Following Keto
10% Goal 270 or 122kgs.

FIRST GOAL: Hoping for 33 pounds (14.9 kgs) gone by June 1, 2017. as of Feb 25 only 27 more to go!
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Old 01-21-2007, 11:33 PM   #14
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Dolly R -- I am a "Scale-a-holic", I had to throw mine away -- used to have my husband hide the battery on me and give it to me once a week but then I gave up! Sounds odd, but I would weigh myself constantly. Decided that if I'm eating well/exercising, I don't need the scales. I see a nutritionist and she gets the "pleasure" of weighing me. I've found I eat less without caffeine. Used to drink 2 liters of diet pepsi a day which seemed to make me want to eat (and drove my blood pressure way up), since I've cut that out and tried to add water instead I've been doing better. Just being here is going to help you and whatever someone else is doing doesn't always work for us -- I think everyone has to make their own plan, even if it's modifying something else (like Atkin's, WW,etc. ). You will find what works for you and the weight will start to disappear. Good luck.

Weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint.
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