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Defeatist "why bother" mentality!

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Old 12-28-2006, 08:44 PM   #1
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Default Defeatist "why bother" mentality!

just wondering if anyone else suffered from this weird mental illness LOL.

The notion that "hey i'm 300 lbs., NO ONE cares if I eat this entire cake and gain 5 lbs....what's 5 lbs. more?? WHO CARES???? WHAT'S IT MATTER?"

and by the same token, if I lose 10 lbs., WHO CARES? WHO NOTICES? it's a drop in the bucket! If I lose 100 lbs, I'll STILL be fat! it's crazy-making, that's what it is, and it ALWAYS defeated me in the past!

Now I've accepted the fact that I'm right -- NOBODY CARES about MY weight! It's MY business, and if I want to change it, it's up to ME...I can't pay someone else to do it, I can't wish it away, I can't ignore it and have it just go away.

Wondering about other people's coping strategies when the DEFEAT MONSTER rears it's ugly head
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Old 12-28-2006, 09:26 PM   #2
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I've always worried about what other people thought about me - insecurity I guess - but I've developed a "who cares" attitude. As long as I can see the scale and see and feel improvement, I don't give a rat's tail whether anyone else can tell. Being 5'10", I don't even go down a size until I've lost 20 or so pounds. I will admit to enjoying the compliments when I do lose enough for others to notice
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Old 12-28-2006, 10:13 PM   #3
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Well, as I still consider myself "fat" (don't bite my head off---I am getting counseling for this problem) I am worried that if I don't make it down to my concept of "thin" (which is like 15-30lbs away) then I might just throw in the towel and be like 151lbs, 272lbs why bother trying to eat right and exercise--to **** with it all, I am still fat either way.
I feel like once I break into the thin barrier I will be like "no, I CANNOT gain weight because I now know what thin is like and don't want to go back to being "fat" again."
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Old 12-28-2006, 11:41 PM   #4
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Oh I most definitely thought why even ATTEMPT to lose weight, I have so much to lose what's the point. So I figured what the heck, what's another 5 lbs, 10 lbs and so on and so on. It took me a looooong time to finally realize that this was nonsense. That I can absolutely lose all this weight if I really WANT to. It takes a large dose of commitment and determination, but it is MOST DEFINITELY DOABLE. And one thing I want to point out, which I wish I would have realized earlier - is that you don't have to get down all the way to goal to start seeing and enjoying the benefits of weightloss. Every 10-15 lbs your clothing size will get smaller. And then the compliments start coming. And you will start feeling better, both mentally and physically. And that propells you to go further. And then another 10-15 lbs and before you know it what was once 160 lbs needing to be lost (what I needed to lose) is down to 90 lbs (what I still need to lose). What you said is key - "You can't ignore it and have it go away." So very true. I ignored it for years. And ignoring it just made the situation worse, way worse. ACTION is what is needed.
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Old 12-28-2006, 11:48 PM   #5
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I had the defeatist attitude too. I simply didn't think it was possible for me to lose the weight that I needed to lose. I was wrong. It took a lot of hard work and determination. There were days that I thought "who cares", then I realized that no one had to care but me.
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Old 12-29-2006, 12:23 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trazey34 View Post
and by the same token, if I lose 10 lbs., WHO CARES? WHO NOTICES? it's a drop in the bucket!
Yes! 10(+) pounds gone and no one notices! But, I can't blame them; all it means is my jeans fit normally again.

I figure, hey, everyone was polite enough not to comment when I gained...and gained...and gained. So what if they don't notice a few gone?
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Old 12-29-2006, 12:37 AM   #7
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Quote:
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I figure, hey, everyone was polite enough not to comment when I gained...and gained...and gained. So what if they don't notice a few gone?
Amen!!
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Old 12-29-2006, 01:33 AM   #8
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Well the biggest thing is your health. It WILL matter if you start having problems. So forget about the scale and focus on healthy eating and exercise.
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Old 12-29-2006, 11:16 AM   #9
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Hi Trazey!

I completely agree with those who have already posted! Weight loss is WORK! It also is a LONG journey! I think that we hear all of the "get thin fast " commercials on TV and all the gadgets and gimmics that are also available and think that the weight will just melt off. Well, the weight WILL eventually come off, but it takes time. We are all very impatient and want things to happen RIGHT AWAY! It can be incredibly frustrating!

What I'd like to add are some things that I do to encourage myself when I get down. They may help you, too!

1) When I lost a pound or five or more I began putting that much weight in a box or bag or backpack and carrying it around for awhile. Then when I would be tired of it I would put it down and congratulate myself that I had lost that amount of actual weight from my body and that I COULD just drop it into the box and/or put down the pack! I STILL do this now! Recently I have recommitted myself to starting up again to get rid of these pesky eleven pounds (see below) that will get me finally to ONEderland. I started carrying around my ten pound weight and my one pound weight just to prove to myself that eleven pounds DOES get heavy after awhile, and that it would be better NOT to have them on me!

2) I come here and look at all the before and after pictures! Wow! You guys are AMAZING!

3) I bought a pair of jeans that fit but were tight and uncomfortable. With exercise I can now say that they are no longer tight! I proved to myself that through exercise I CAN help to make my body smaller...even if the scale does not always tell the tale! Exercise WILL reshape your body! Being able to fit into a smaller size is A LOT of incentive!!!

4) I re-read two of my very favorite weight loss books: Win the Fat War by Anne Alexander and Thin Tastes Better by Dr. Stephen Gullo. They give me so much help and encouragement! They can help you, too! I originally got them in the library but found that I really needed them PERMANENTLY in my collection!

5) I keep pictures of myself on my coffee table as I go along my weight loss journey. I look at them often.

6) I now buy a goal piece of clothing. (Lillybelle...thanks for encouraging me with this technique! It works SOOOO well! )My first were the jeans I mentioned earlier. My NEW goal piece of clothing is the dress I will wear in my son's wedding in August. I bought it a size smaller than what I currently wear. I tried it on, and it fits IF I don't raise my arms or breathe heavily! I want it to be hanging off me ASAP!!!!! I figure that even if I get a lot smaller and need to buy a DIFFERENT dress for the wedding than that one, I will feel even better! The dress is a wrap style, though, so it SHOULD work even if I lose more than what I need to have it actually fit as it is supposed to fit.

Well, I hope that you will find some help in these techniques. Weight goes on slowly, so it often comes OFF slowly. Don't get discouraged! Know that you have thousands of buddies here who are on your journey with you! We're here for one another!


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Old 12-29-2006, 11:44 AM   #10
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Oh yes. I know this feeling well... It's what's stopped me in the past. I'm right there with you, looking for a way to overcome this. Coming here is a great start!!! People here are such an inspiration, and great support.
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Old 12-29-2006, 12:22 PM   #11
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Yup i know this feeling.

it doesn't help much when well meaning friends and family say, after not seeing me for a while 'Wow, you look great. you've lost weight!"

And all i'm thinking is "Um, actually i haven't lost" or "in fact i've gained weight. How fat did you think i was before?!"

I lost nearly 100 pounds, and it just wasn't that noticeable. I wasn't losing weight for other people, but you gotta have some sort of encouragement to keep it up, you know? And it's just frustrating that not even i could tell.

It's something i work against every day. I'm actively working towards losing weight. And i WILL succeed, and achieve my goal weight. it's just going to be really tough!
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Old 12-29-2006, 12:29 PM   #12
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You're absolutely right--nobody cares about your weight except you.

So how much would it be worth to you to be able to walk into a restaurant and not have to worry about whether you'll fit into the booth? To ride in a friend's car without worrying whether the seatbelt will be long enough? To be able to walk into a regular clothing store and buy cute clothes? To not be the biggest person in the room?

Those are the reasons that matter to me. I'm doing this for myself, not to impress anyone else. Any compliments I get on weight loss from other people are just icing on the cake.
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Old 12-29-2006, 01:23 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luminous View Post
I figure, hey, everyone was polite enough not to comment when I gained...and gained...and gained. So what if they don't notice a few gone?
I am so accepting that as my new mantra. Love it!
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Old 12-29-2006, 01:57 PM   #14
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Go to the dairy aisle and put ten pounds worth of butter in your cart. That is quite an amount.

Also, who cares if you lose or if you gain? You, your loved ones, your work, your hobbies, all of the ways you contribute to society that will be short-changed by your disability or early death (sorry to be harsh, but it is true), all of us who are watching our insurance premiums go up and up as more and more people need care for obesity-related illnesses.

You are worthy of health and mobility. How do you lose 100+ pounds? The same way you put them on...1, 2, 3, 4, 5 pounds at a time. It did not show up overnight, and it will not fall off overnight, but what countless 3FCer's show us every single day is that it CAN be done. YOU CAN DO IT!
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Old 12-29-2006, 02:24 PM   #15
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as IF you guys went ahead and motivated me against my will !!! hahahhaha just kidding! AWESOME posts! I LOVED the one about people being polite and not mentioning when I put ON 20 lbs. !!! true enough!!!

Something kinda funny -- I just found a photo of myself, after I did Atkins for about 5 months and lost 35 lbs., I was down to about 240 and ******* I look good! LOL, I can see a WAIST! how weird is that???? That's motivational for now, to know that @ 240 I looked kinda hot! Needless to say, after Atkins I ate a cookie and gained 60 lbs
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Now: 171 - nope, 165 now!
NOPE -- 162 now! Holy crap i've lost a PERSON!
Goal: 160


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