Diary of a Mad Fat Woman

Tonight my stepdaughter is going to play Molly when her school group performs “It’s a Hard Knock Life” from Annie. In preparation, we have watched Annie 17 times. And played all the “special features” games on the CD.

It is history repeating, because I had that soundtrack as a RECORD when I was a kid and sang to it nonstop. I have not forgotten the words in the 20 years since I’ve seen it.

I love you, Miss Hannigan!

If I don’t cut this down, I’m going to start clucking and pecking at my floor.

Low-carb egg salad

• 2 hard boiled eggs - 0 carbs
• 6 no-sugar added bread and butter pickles (they use Splenda in them. LOVE these) - 1 net carb
• 1 1/2 tablespoons of mayo - 0 carbs

TOTAL - 1 net carb!!!

Of course, then I ate 2 jello cups as well. Um, and a string cheese between breakfast and lunch. So, ok.

TOTAL - 4 net carbs!!! Still darn good.

Booooooooooooooring. 2 hard boiled eggs with salt. I was in a hurry.

Carb count = 0

The kids GOBBLED down this fish!

5 pieces of frozen tilapia
A couple tablespoons of EXTRA VIRGIN OLIVE OIL (I agree with you, cici!! But I still can’t get EVOO out of my head!
2 cans of diced, Italian-style tomatoes (with juice)
splash of balsamic vinegar
Many enthusiastic twists of an Italian Seasoning grinder

Threw everything in a skillet and cooked on medium until the fish were done. Took the fish out and put them on a plate. Reduced the tomatoes until they made a thick-ish sauce.

I ate two pieces of fish. Everyone else had a piece of fish and the sauce served over whole-wheat pasta. The sauce reminded me of my favorite Olive Garden dish: Capellini Pomodoro. Although, with the fish, it would have been nice served over rice.

For the carb count:
Fish - 0 carbs
Olive oil - 0 carbs
Seasonings - 0 carbs
Balsamic vinegar - 1 net carb (guessing based on using 2 Tbl of it in the recipe at 3 net carbs each.)
Tomatoes - 3 net carbs (Another guess. I used 2 cans at 4 net carbs each. My portion wasn’t big, but I’d rather round up)
TOTAL - 4 net carbs!!!

Everybody ate it all up and asked for more! I call that a success.

Today I got to go with my wonderful SIL to her first ultrasound. She is a high-risk pregnancy because she has PKU. You can learn more about PKU here. Interestingly, this means that she follows an ultra-low protein diet. Pretty much the exact opposite of what I’m trying to do.

Anyway, this is baby #2 for her. Baby #1 is my adorable 13 month old niece. That woman is going to be BUSY.

At 10 weeks, the baby looks like a jumbo shrimp with a large nose. It has been nearly 8 years since I’ve done this and I think I can finally say that I’d like to do it again. I think I want to have another baby. Yikes! I really thought I was done. But being committed to getting healthy has reminded me that I might feel well enough to handle pregnancy again. A revelation. A scary one.

(Don’t tell my husband, btw or he’ll have me up against a wall in no time. Good thing he likes my fine fat arse.

Ok, I’m going to have to think about this one. I ate leftovers from a meal that I made a couple nights ago, so I’m not 100% sure what the carb count is. I’ll give it a try, though.

Chicken Enchilada Soup ingredients

• Cream of Chicken soup - 6 net carbs (10 for a can. I’m guessing the portion I had included about 1/2 a can)
• Cream  - 0 net carbs
• Canned chopped green chilies - 3 net carbs (2 for each 2tbls searving. I’m guessing I ate 3 tbls)
• Chicken - 0 net carbs
• Mexican-style shredded cheese - 1 net carb

Everybody else got some tortilla strips on top of their soup. I didn’t miss it, though.

Total for the meal - 10 net carbs

I’m going to have to get these meals closer to 7-8 net carbs. Pretty soon I’m going to be eating bacon and pork rinds.

Too lazy to make anything, so I ate two string cheese instead. Will just have a larger than usual snack later this morning, so I don’t get hungry and do something indiscreet, such as hold up a Krispy Kreme delivery guy. (mmmm…Krispy Kreme)

Less than 1 gram of carbs for each, so to be on the safe side, I’m counting each as 1 carb. In retrospect, I should do that for the Jello cups, too.

Total for meal - 2 carbs

Two sugar-free jello cups for dessert. One cherry, one black cherry. Because one just isn’t enough.

2 jello cups = 0 net carbs

My children ate cabbage tonight. MY children ate CABBAGE. Apparently, it tasted like hot dogs. Likely a result of the smoked sausage that I cooked with it, but still…CABBAGE!

It was yum, if I do say so. I sauteed some smoked sausage and removed it from the pan. I chopped a head of cabbage and threw it in the pan with whatever juiciness that came off the sausage plus just a little bit of beef broth, some salt, and garlic. I stirred the cabbage a bit and then threw a lid on it and let it steam some. Lid off, sausage back in, and then threw some shredded swiss cheese on top.

We also ate a frozen veggie blend (carrots, cauliflower, and broccoli) and everyone but me had a smoothie made from plain yogurt, frozen fruit, a bit of fresh squeezed orange juice and some Truvia to make up for using plain yogurt. One day this might make it back into my diet but for tonight, I was ok with not having any.

So, the rundown is as follows:

• 1 1/2 c cabbage - 3.3 net carbs
• 2 oz smoked sausage - 4 net carbs
• 2 Tbl swiss cheese -0 net carbs (1/3 cup has >1 net carb)
• Salt, garlic, and beef broth - freebies
• 1/2 cup cauliflower and broccoli blend - 1.6 net carbs

Total for the meal - 8.6

Not too shabby and everyone liked it.

I’ve been working on my low-carb diet for a few days now, but I’m not going to try to go back and remember what I ate. I’m just going to start with now.

So, for lunch, I had a 1/2 cup of ricotta cheese (mmm…ricotta cheese) with some italian spices mixed it with it and a tiny bit of EVOO (I really hate that I cannot type that without hearing Rachel Ray in my brain. I can’t stand her.) I used this as a dip for about a cup of multicolored pepper sticks (red, orange, and yellow peppers).

Feel free to correct me, but here is my carb count, as far as I can tell. I’m looking things up on the Atkins site, but I need to find a better calculator.

• Ricotta - 4 carbs
• Peppers - 4.6
• EVOO (get out of my brain, RR!!!) - 0 carbs
• Spices - 0 carbs

Total - 8.6

Not quite as good as I’d hoped. Didn’t realize the peppers were quite so high in carbs. On the plus side, I was planning to have a hot dog, too. Cooked it and then decided I couldn’t afford the 4 carbs and fed it to the dogs.