Inside the cocoon…

Okay - so I’m going to try to make a weekly routine for myself and follow it.  Since I usually run the other way with routines,  I’m coming up with a reward system if I finish my week up properly.

Naturally, the reward will not involve food!!  I am thinking mostly beauty products and stuff to spruce up the house.

Went out with a friend last night - so enjoy his company, but we always talk about work (his work)….I am kind of going batshit talking about work, but it makes me think - what else do we have to talk about?  And that got me really shaking my head.  It was kind of a wake-up for me in a way.  My work does take everything I have and I love it, but I also need more context, if you know what I mean….I think this is a good thing to see and want….hopefully, living in this amazing City, I can find something to help open my mind to “other” things….LOL

I’ve always considered my self a person who loves knowledge and loves new experiences, because, well I do.  I found myself being so surprised at myself - I live in this new neighborhood, totally different place and experience as before, but I’m still only hanging around the same radius from my apartment.  I guess everyone does this and my radius is MUCH more exciting, I mean I have the best of the world literally at my fingertips, but I was just kind of dumbfounded at how much I felt the same inside.  I have a brand new, clean apartment, awesome neighborhood, and yet I don’t feel any different.  So that has me really thinking….what still needs to change and how do I do it?  I should feel totally free and empowered, which I DO, but there is still this lingering shame, anxiety, negativity and procrastination I’m still letting be part of my life.  Rome wasn’t built in a day and one day I will wake up in this apartment and feel like it’s really mine.

For my first week, I am going to do the following:

Set a weekly Menu

Cook something from a recipe at least once a week - This week it is going to be Chicken Thighs in a Mushrooms sauce from a Jacque Pepin recipe.  I have a major crush on him.

Write down everything I eat - I really hate doing this, but it’s the only way I was able to observe and make good changes…

Clean for an hour a day (can be just a series of 15 minute challenges)

Exercise for an Hour - right now w/no gym, it will be walking or doing something in the house (ie dvd/tape)

Set an AM/PM Beauty Care Regimen

Journal or Blog

Get out of the apartment at least once a day for more than just running to the store and back

Read for an Hour

With the way that work goes, doing all of these things daily will be a challenge, but I am going to try it and see how it works and make adjustments as I go along….I’ve been so out of it for so long, it’s like I have to “relearn” how to be a human being.  It’s what it feels like anyway!

Posted on June 14th, 2009 by wyoming
Filed under: Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

2008 came and went and I went another year without consistently taking care of my health. I started blogging on 3 fat chicks a little under a year ago when I realized that I had tipped the scales at over 300 pounds - the highest weight I recorded was 307lbs, but in reality I know that I had been bigger than that, as I was wearing smaller clothing sizes from my past. This was a big wakeup call for me, but perhaps not big enough! I did manage to keep up with an excellent regimen for about 2 1/2 months last year and found that I dropped 10lbs. The NICE thing is that I have kept this weight off and have maintained.

So here I am at 297lbs and getting really tired of the constant track in my head that says I’m going to do x, y, z and now years have past and nothing has actually come to fruition. And now as I’m getting older (I’m 31), I’m feeling less brazen and don’t find myself going out and about as much by myself. My first thought is that if I go out somewhere by myself to go dancing or to party that people will look at me like I don’t belong there. I don’t like having these feelings, but I have to face up that I’m having them. In a city surrounded by fabulous people, my weight always gets in my way of my image of my fabulous self. When I was younger, this consciousness was there, but not strong enough to actually hinder my activities or confidence. Regardless of any weight loss, one of my goals this year is to get that strength back into the foreground.

I often put lots of energy into things other than myself. I can work tirelessly at my business projects, but when it comes to my art, health, home - all the “personal” stuff - it seems that I always choose to put them on the backburner. I have a vision of myself trapped in my head that is meaningless until I bring it into the world. Hence the cocoon - so nicely painted and creative on the inside, but just a blind, dull shell on the outside.

When I joined the forums and created my first blog, it really empowered me and I was more successful than I had been in years with improving my health and life. I’m here to start the process again and hope that I can make the commitment to myself to continue my efforts throughout the year and throughout my life. Because it’s not really my life until I start living it the way I want to.

Posted on January 6th, 2009 by wyoming
Filed under: Dailies | 1 Comment »