After 3 weeks of living in the USA again I saw a photo of myself at an occasion where I thought I looked fine despite my girth. Notsomuch. Anyhoo it was that photo that sent me back to meetings 4 days ago. My weigh day will be Fridays and I joined the monthly plan they have so I pay 42 bucks a month and that gives me as many meetings as I want to go to in a month as well as their online stuff they call e-tools. I have to say their online blogging is much easier than 3FC! Sorry chicks.

I will blog there but if I think I’m particularly entertaining I’ll copy it to here!

I didn’t want you all to think I had totally given up because I don’t think I ever will. Hope Springs Eternal.

 

PLANTAR FASCIITIS

December 15th, 2011

I pronounce it fassy eye tiss, some people probably call it fash eye tiss. Whatever you call it, I got it and I can barely walk. It’s been 2 months since my feet started hurting and I finally went to the doctor. There is nothing you can do for it but stay off your feet and stretch them. I did buy some CrocRx shoes AND 2 pairs of Sketcher Shape-ups that allow me to walk in less pain. It’s funny (odd funny, not haha funny) I’m exercising less but not eating any less so I have gained almost 10 pounds (203.2 today) since I have been unable to walk. I AM MISERABLE.

It is cruel that the one exercise I can do without my feet is swim but who wants to squeeze into spandex and parade down to the swimming pool? Especially in this age of everyone loving to take cell phone photos of the fat lady and post them online. I actually deleted a friend who posted a photo of a woman she didn’t even know eating in her car. Why are people so mean?

I don’t care what people think but still I have feelings. You can call me a fat ass and I’ll be sad but get over it, but when you make an inspirational poster out of me in a bathing suit and say Princess of Whales on it and post it online….that is the gift of humiliation that keeps on giving. No one has done that to me..yet…but I’ve seen other people.

Oh what a pity party I’m having. I need to shut up and just get to the pool. Maybe if I go way early or way late where the sun makes photo ops unlikely!

Anyway that’s catching you up on my status. Once I get in a groove I’ll be back. I will say if I’m not less than 200 on New Year’s Day…I’ll be one cranky chick.

Love ya all and hope your holidays are happy ones….

These days I’m twittering. And because I tweet a lot about my weight among other brain spurts, I get followers that are personal trainers or weight loss people or nutritionists. Well the other day one of the personal trainers posted an “expose’” on Weight Watchers. Okay, you don’t talk S#!+ about Weight Watchers to me. I’ve been a lifetime member since 1995 and my mother was a member in the early 1970s. I know how I’m 50 pounds above my goal weight but I’ll get back to that.

I think his name is Kyle Craig but I stopped following him so I don’t remember for sure. He started out okay talking about how WW wasn’t started as a money making empire but as a way for housewives to lose weight with the support of each other. BINGO! And that is where he should have stopped. But no, Mr. Washboard Abs went on to actually say ‘I don’t know a lot about Weight Watchers….’ WELL THEN SHUT UP! But no…he kept talking. He said he heard a lot of people went back to Weight Watchers and his point was if it was so good why do you have to go back. He said he went to a meeting and he found it comical the way that the women all sat around telling their stories and waiting for the trek up to the scale. First of all that is NOT how it works. Meetings are probably all different around the world but in all the ones I’ve been to you weigh privately before the meeting, you can choose to let people know how you did (good or bad) or not. The choice is yours. And, yes, you tell your stories, and that is how you learn. And I am more comfortable surrounded by women like me, women who walk or swim for exercise, women who do the occasional exercise video. I am very intimidated by a personal trainer (and I’ve had 3 or 4) because they don’t understand being fat. And sometimes men trainers don’t understand women. I get they have to push me but I’M paying you, so gear the workout for me don’t make me do some cookie cutter routine everyone you train does. Okay, now to why they have to come back. The reason I have gained back the weight isn’t WW’s fault. They have taught me well and given me the tools, the reason I gain it back is because I STOP going to the meetings. Either we move and there are no meetings where we live (there are at least 2 countries without WW meetings Norway and Malaysia and I’ve lived in both!) or I am too embarrassed to go to the meeting because of a weight gain and it spirals to where I am today…BIG. One of my best WW leaders told us once that when you are gaining is when you NEED to go. Of course she is right. I know you can do WW online but I need the meeting. I remember one week I went to a meeting every day! That is when I learned that all leaders have the same topic for the week but all the meetings have different members attending so even though the topic was the same each leader delivered it differently and all the different members had different stories to share. My husband doesn’t get it, my skinny friends don’t get, my fat friends want me to drown my sorries in a taco salad with them. I need my weight watcher meetings.

So I was angry when Joe Know It All decided to rag on Weight Watchers without being familiar with it and I sent him a message that said “I’m sorry you found the meeting comical. The meetings are the best part. “I don’t know much about Weight Watchers…” is where you should have stopped.” Freaktard. (I didn’t call him that but I thought it)

So my new plan is….

October 31st, 2011

no plan at all.

I am not going to talk about what I am going to do anymore because I am tired of saying ‘I am going to climb the matterhorn’ only to come back a week later and say ’so i didn’t climb the matterhorn’.

While I will not speculate anymore, I will continue to report on what I HAVE done. So the next time you hear from me it will be positive!! DANG IT!

Goodbye October, get out and take your Halloween candy with you!

Okay I’m laying in bed and thinking I need to weigh because I didn’t weigh yesterday. We went to the MotoGP at Sepang and I didn’t weigh before we left. It was a horrible day because one of the riders (Marco Simoncelli) was killed in a crash. He was only 24 bless his heart. Of course my first thought is ‘how can I make this about me?’. Here I am twice his age and I think what have I done with my life. If I’m killed tomorrow what do I leave? I mean besides a messy house that my husband will hire a maid and have it clean in a day. Why is it that I personally will NEVER get it clean. I really need to get my stuff together. NOW!

Okay it’s time to weigh, my goal for this week was to be below 190 but I’m here to tell you that will NOT happen because I put forth NO EFFORT. Okay here we go….du dum, du dum, du dum du dum du dum (that’s supposed to be JAWS music).

194.6 lbs. I have officially become one of those people I hate. The people that complain but continue to do nothing to better their situation. Okay, enough chitter chatter, talk is cheap, I purchased a big rubber exercise band and a kettle bell weight…let’s see what happens!

200.4 / 194.6 / 154
start/now/goal
(5.8 pounds lost, 40.6 pounds to goal)

I hate being fat.

October 16th, 2011


I weighed 192 this morning. Why do I continue to not exercise and eat things that perpetuate the situation? I know what to do. So why don’t I do it? If I had the answer to that I wouldn’t be here I’d be on a beach somewhere in a string bikini.

I am in a BAD headspace right now. Plus my feet hurt! I don’t mean they are sore, I mean I should go see a doctor. It’s not like just one foot hurts, they both hurt equally. Of course I’m sure it has something to do with my weight, eventhough when I was 220 I didn’t have foot problems. I’m this close to getting a lap band and getting rid of the issue. Seriously, if I couldn’t eat too much, I wouldn’t eat too much. Right? Although I know at least 2 people who had gastric bypass that now weigh more than they did before their surgery!

Okay…whine whine whine I’m done. Let’s bright side it…I’m below 200! Okay onward I go.

Next Sunday I will be below 190 DANG IT! So it is written, so it shall be done!!!!

200.4 / 192 / 154
start/now/goal
(8.4 pounds lost, 38 pounds to goal)

angry at my husband

October 15th, 2011

Won’t bore you with the details but Jiminy Christmas he can be so stupid it’s unbelievable!

Okay now that I have that off my chest maybe I won’t jump off a bridge!

Could Be Worse…

October 9th, 2011


could be raining…(cue lightning..thunder…rain)
note: that is from Young Frankenstein.

I gained from the last weigh-in. Husband goes back to work tomorrow and life goes back to normal (well normal for us) for the first time in about 6 weeks. I’m sure a stronger woman could have stayed on her program and lost weight during this time of house renovations and vacations but that woman is NOT me! I’m good as long as life is smooth but if there are any bumps in the road I hold on tight…to the refrigerator!

The only trouble that may be coming our way soon is that we may get the word that we are moving back to the USA which will cause all sorts of headaches (a. we have no house in the usa and b. we have to get the cats back and neither like to travel!!!). BUT I am not going to dwell on that, I am going to dwell on getting back to eating vegetables and exercising and trying to find my missing watch (it was a gift from my husband so if he asks…I lent it to you!).

200.4 / 193.6 / 154
start/now/goal
(6.8 pounds lost, 39.6 pounds to goal)

Coming Out Of The Closet

October 2nd, 2011


and going into the donation box…

I’m sure I’ve already discussed this to the point of nausea but just like some of you I have the circus attraction known as “The Closet Of Many Sizes”. Here ye, Here ye, Step on up and take a look folks! Who owns this closet? Is she 20 years old? Is she 40 years old? Is she a size 16? is she a size 6? Is she a slut? Is she amish? Guess the woman and win a prize!

Depending upon my size just like everyone else I’ve bought clothes that cover me up, that reveal me, that support me, that conceal me (there must be a country song in there somewhere!!!!) which is no surprise because that is why you buy clothes…and once in a while I even manage to get rid of some and that is what brings us to today.

My husband (who is celebrating his birthday today - happy birthday pookie) got an email from his work that they are having a clothing drive. Yes, amongst other things I’m getting rid of the dreaded Levi’s 545 jeans (they are washed and ready to go!).

It helps that my DVD of Hoarder’s season 2 just arrived. It is so much easier to get rid of things when you see people hanging on every sock they ever owned no matter how funky. I would prefer the clothes I am holding hostage go to someone who will wear them and love them or pass them on to someone who will. I can talk about hoarding because my mother (who passed away a few years ago) was a hoarder! Everything had a story. God forbid you should try to throw out a peach pit because she had plans to plant it and grow an orchard and sell jam but for now she is fine that the pit is under the refrigerator DON’T TOUCH IT!!!! But I digress. I haven’t fallen far from her hoarding tree, I remember her mounds of clothes in the washing pile, the ironing pile, the mending pile (all going in and out of fashion over and over again, fitting and then not fitting and then fitting again, but and none ever washed or ironed or mended). I blame Wal-Mart (not totally but for feeding the hoarding part of people’s brains), why wash your shirt when you can buy another for .50 out of the bargain bin! I’m digressing again!!!!

A few months ago a local high school had a clothing drive and I got rid of a ton of stuff…I know there’s a photo…let me find it…

Fourteen large department store bags (yes I hoard shopping bags - but got rid of a bunch when I saw there were silverfish in them!!!!) of stuff. Jeans, dresses, bathing suits, many never worn with tags, many worn only a couple of times but all of them too small. FOURTEEN BAGS!!! Some people may think a closet full of size 4-14 clothes should motivate me to get back into them but all it did was depress me because I couldn’t wear them so I would go out and buy something that fit no matter how UGLY it was, giving me more stuff I didn’t wear.

Okay so thanks to the birthday boy’s employer I have the opportunity to do another closet cull. Today my goal is to get rid of stuff I don’t wear today whether it be too small, too ugly, too young or too old. I would like to have all my clothes fit in one closet instead of dispersed amonst the various closets in the house….can I do it??? Well I can if I do! (I heard that line in the movie Lonesome Jim on the Sundance Channel, it’s my new favorite things to say: I can if I do!)

I wanted to mention that I prefer to donate rather than garage sale or consign because I think in the long run it would cost me more in time and patience and money than I’d get back. I’d rather box it up and give it away and it’s done!!! PS: A girlfriend told me you can write off donations on your taxes for more than you would get at a garage sale or consignment shop although I’ve never done that.

Okay, sitting here isn’t getting those clothes in the boxes!!!

PS: I only gained a couple of pounds on the Singapore trip. Wahoo!

200.4 / 193.6 / 154
start/now/goal
(6.8 pounds lost, 39.6 pounds to goal)

Somebody please tell me…

September 28th, 2011

…who the heck is that fat woman who keeps getting in front of me when someone takes my photo??? I am starting to find that very annoying.

Here I am in Singapore on the observation deck of the Marina Bay Sands Hotel (if you ever get the chance GO GO GO)….Honestly the photos of me are totally NOT what I see when I look in the mirror. (If you think I don’t look that big A. bless you and B. click on the photo…it gets bigger…Okay, yes I have skinny mirrors at home but I’m still in proportion! But in photos I’m so fleshy. Big flabby upper arms, bra overhang, cankles (my calves run into my feet without those annoying ankles) I am always jealous when large women wear anklets I have NEVER been able to do that without hooking 2 together!) and good gravy marie, today in the car’s sideview mirror I noticed I have fat forearms. WWJD???? And by that I mean What Would Jean (Nieditch) Do?

For those of you who don’t know who JN is, shame on you! or lucky you! Jean Nieditch founded Weight Watchers in 1963…the year I was born…coincidence? I think not.

Okay, so…3 months left of the year…no more legitimate excuses not to exercise (meaning the house renovation is supposedly over and my tether is severed!)…I’ve all but given up facebook (We were gone for a week and I didn’t take the computer and I didn’t really miss it! I am not sure when I stopped thinking in ’status updates’ but I did!)…so I’m jumping on this metaphorical horse and riding it to New Years! I know I put on weight on the Singapore trip because I did not have 1 single bad meal!!!! It was amazing food. But here’s the deal: the portions were small, and by small I mean regular sized! When they brought out a plate of food it wasn’t piled as high as an elephant’s eye (adding to the size of my elephant’s thigh). Took me a couple of days to realize that it was okay for me to eat tasty food because I wasn’t eating ALL the tasty food. I just had to slow down my eating and I was fine, but it was so good I wanted to gobble it down.

There was a bit of a dismal episode which I’ll touch on. We went to Singapore because we were invited to join in a car ‘parade’ and part of the deal was staying at the Marina Bay Sands and tickets to the Singapore Formula 1 Grand Prix (which was great and I didn’t get sunburned which is greater because the only thing worse that flabby arms is SUNBURNED flabby arms. But, what I didn’t know was that all the participants were given shirts to wear. Because sizes are smaller here (even men’s sizes) my husband asked for two 3XL shirts. As my luck would have it (and is par for the course in Malaysia) we were given and Large and a Medium (which weren’t given to us until we reached Singapore). Okay, so my husband, bless his heart, was going to give me the large…but wait, that is kind of insulting that he would assume I couldn’t wear the medium - although who is kidding whom, when I saw that “M” I was shaking like a leaf in the wind…but since this whole car parade thing was his idea I thought he should wear the shirt and shockingly I got into the medium. Unfortunately I didn’t take any pants. I’m not going to wear shorts and Singapore is the equator so it’s crazy hot so I choose to dress like Stevie Nicks. Okay so I had the embarrassing task of having to buy a pair of blue jeans in Asia, but if you are larger than a US size 10 don’t expect to find any clothes that will fit you here. I ended up paying 150 Singapore dollars for a mens size 36X32 pair of jeans…they were crazy long (notice my attempt at cuffs) but I could zip them up. I have dug out the photo of me in them….enjoy.

Okay look folks, I know I’m 45 pounds north of my goal weight. It’s not like I can lie about it. But I’m not embarrassed. If anything I’m embarrassed for my husband to have to lug me around as his wife, but what I’m saying is I’m not miserable, I know I’m not Madonna so I just do the best I can and have the best time I can…even though 45 pounds south of where I am today I would be more comfortable doing what I can do and I could do more. I could be one of those people who sit in the dark and do nothing and blame the world for fast food and expensive vegetables but I did this to myself so you know what??? I can undo it! Walking is free and I can get up an hour early or stay up an hour later and walk on the treadmill I can push away from the table when I’ve finished a meal and I can brush my teeth right after eating. I know all the tricks of the trade (Jean Nieditch would be proud) so all I have to do is apply them.

Jean if you are in Florida reading this…I may be near the end of my rope but I tied a knot in it and I’m hanging on!