Why do I sabotage myself? After my New York trip I was brave enough to step on the scale.


I watched my calories, fat, & carbs and was down to 220.4 in just FIVE days. This morning I weighed 222.6 because I let the weekend control me. 🙁 Yesterday was a good day. Today will be a good day. I just have to get a grip and treat weekends like the week.

Day 1 | Getting my life back

Here we go.

** Please note I DO NOT plan on eating under 1200 at this weight for long. I am trying to recooperate from my NY trip madness and hopefully somehow level out the remainder of the week. Starting Monday I will be eating around 1600 calories (some days at 1400, some at 1800 calories).

B: 1 scoop Whey Protein + 8oz skim milk
Calories: 200 | Carbs: 16g | Sugars: 13g
L: 2 cups romaine, 1 cup baby spinach, half tomato, 4oz bumble bee salmon, 2 tbsp light balsamic vinaigrette + 1 cup light Maryland crab soup
Calories: 287 | Carbs: 33g | Sugars: 11g
S: 1 cup canteloupe + string cheese
Calories: 130 | Carbs: 17g | Sugars: 14g

We’re back again.

My last post was on August 24th, 2009…..just a few weeks before my wedding. Where am I now?

I’m married and a mother to a 10 month old baby boy. I have made quite a bit of “progress” since my last post. I wish that progress was related to weight loss and not weight gain. I’m afraid to step on the scale due to my little extravaganza in New York. I will be weighing in on the 28th after the effects of this past week have a chance to sink in.

Right now my first goal is to loose about 20lbs by my son’s first birthday. It is doable IF I stick to it.

What are my plans?
Changing my eating habits to be lower in carbs & refined sugars.
Drinking 8-8oz glasses of water (at least) per day.
Stop drinking diet soda.
Getting into a regular exercising regime. This includes….
The C25k every MWF
+ hitting the gym for at least 30 minutes 3-4 times a week.


I am still in the 190s. I’m okay with that as long as I never see 200 again.
…But I seriously need to get a grip. My wedding is September 19th. That’s 26 days away. I better make them count.

As of today I am going to get back on track and stay there.


Things just don’t….seem to go to plan.

We’re still getting married in September. The 15th to be exact. But no more Belgium or Germany. We won’t be getting a new place until the end of 2009 due to some financial difficulties.

…and I was seeing those 2s again. But I got right back on plan and I’m hoping to be back at 193 in no time.


I “fell off the wagon” for a couple of days. But tomorrow is a new day. I will eat on plan. I will go to the gym.


I’ve only lost 4lbs in the last month?

I sound like a broken record.

I always keep saying “I’m going to go to the gym *enter amount* of days per week”, “I really am”.

….And I never do it.

I’m so tired of being so careless and overall lazy. I am tired of making excuses. I am tired of disappointeing myself. So what I am going to do about it? I am going to stop PROMISING and actually start DOING.

It’s July 1st?

What the…?

I can’t believe it’s ALREADY July.

We get to move out of this apartment in exactly two months! Can you believe our fridge isn’t fixed yet? It’s been over a month now. So, quite possibly this Thursday will be another trash day that I will have to throw away food. I haven’t had milk in the house since the day the fridge originally broke. I’ve been stuck eating oatmeal for breakfast. I had stuff grow mold. I threw away a good amount of things. And apparently our landlord doesn’t care. I wonder why. Hmmm. Probably because in April we paid rent for April, May, June, AND July. I guess that makes us bad tenents? We have no plans of renewing our lease. None.

Oh and the funny thing… There originally “no” pets allowed in our building, but he said since we have a cat already, that would be fine. Our neighbor has one. Well, I wanted to get my little baby a friend, and he said no, they don’t allow it. Someone new moves in and guess what? They have a dog. And what is one more cat when you already have one? I don’t understand his way of thinking…

I wish I’d update more.

The next couple of months are going to be a tad bit hectic.

July 4th & July 5th: BBQ & Hostile City Death Fest

July 16th – July 19th: Chicago for my birthday and the Archgoat concert

August 31st: Our lease is up! We can finally move


September 18th: Kenny graduates from college

September 19th: Graduation/Wedding party for us [food, cake, & drinks]

September 20th – 27th: Traveling to Belgium & Germany for our honeymoon

October 1st: Hopefully we’ll be in our new place!!

And I’m still stressed like crazy. I just want it to be September. I’m sick of this apartment, I’m sick of my job, I’m sick of the people. I’m sick of everything. I miss my friends and my family. For the last year and a half I’ve barely had a social life. I either worked or…worked. Moving so far can change everything. I couldn’t imagine being 2,000 miles away. I couldn’t do it.

Other small updates;

+ I finally built credit, I am a few points away from being in the “good” category.
+ I have decided to continue my education. Spring semester of next year I’ll be attending BCCC for Pastry Arts.
+ I am no longer in debt, woohoo!

– I almost cried at work yesterday. A L M O S T.
– I feel like I’m not losing any weight even though I am at 195.7lbs.