I knew Day 1 was already going to be an “off” day because I was having a mini-reunion with some old high school friends. A friend’s leaving for grad school in another country so we’re all sending her off. What I hate is that because I knew it’d be an off day before “the change”, I spent the whole day binging…like I was preparing myself for starvation or something. I felt compelled to eat everything I could in sight. I guess I have to start drilling it into my head that there isn’t an “end all” moment. That these changes are going to be permanent so I need to take this slow, but firm. There won’t be any drastic actions so no need to pack up the fat as if preparing for a crash course on the wild outdoors.
Reason #1 To Lose Weight: So people will stop giving me that, “Wow, you’ve changed” look. You know, the kind where their eyes noticeably enlarge and become more round. And then when they notice they realize it, they backtrack and try to phrase their surprise more politely “Oh, it’s just because I haven’t seen you in so long. Everyone’s changed so much since high school”. LIES. Yea, I know I got fatter whereas everyone else got prettier. I’m tired of getting that look from my old friends, especially since they’ve all grown so much during the college years. Everyone’s moved on from that awkward teenage phase and have transformed into confident working women. I know that I’ve matured and changed on the inside too…and now I want to look the part.
Day 2 was better. It was such a gorgeous day outside (we’ve been having nasty cloudy weather for the past week) so I actually enjoyed being outside and running again. I never thought I’d miss the feeling of being able to comfortably job 3 miles. My tip today for myself is to not weigh myself everyday anymore. I’ve been failing lately because I’d work so hard for a couple of days, but when the scale refuses to reflect my hardworking, I lose confidence and start slipping again. So, I will do weekly weigh-ins just to make sure I’m headed in the right direction, but no more OCD over the numbers on the scale. This is more then just about numbers, it’s about how I feel about myself.
Reason #2 to Lose Weight: so that I can hold my head up high when I jog around the track. So I don’t feel bad about making eye contact with other people and wonder if they’re thinking, “Hey, look at that fat girl that’s trying so hard.’ Instead, I want to imagine that they’re admiring my physique and how healthy I look.