Because I am better then this

Do you hate your body? There were times when I’d go days without looking in the mirror because I didn’t want to see what kind of person I’d become. Whenever I had the courage to look down, I’d grab at my donut of fat around my tummy in disgust. I’d yearn for my old healthy fit body, and take out my anger on my current one.

The other day when I finally dragged myself back on a treadmill after a week off, I felt my body giving up halfway there and I was going to shout at it in frustration again. But then, something made me stop. I slowed the treadmill down to a walk and finished up my hour just slowly walking and feeling my body move. I know it sounds strange, but have you ever thought of how amazing our bodies can be, even with all the crap we put it through? I realized I couldn’t take my anger out on my body, demanding it to perform the same way it did when I was 30 lbs lighter. That’s not fair. *It* didn’t make *me* this way - *I* made *it* this way. You get what you give. You are what you eat. If I want my body to go back to its healthy ways, I need to treat it better and stop using it as a punching bag for my emotions. I also need to appreciate it now – as is. Thinking back to everything I’d done to it in the past 6 months (the yo-yo dieting, the massive binges), it’s amazing that it’s still functioning and I haven’t collapsed with a clogged artery or something.

Dear Body –

Thank you for doing what you do to keep me alive and moving every day. If you’ll stick it out with me for a little bit more, I promise to pull myself together up here and get us *both* back into the shape we were meant to all.  Please don’t hate me.

Much love,

the Head