Because I am better then this

Jen @ A Prior FatGirl is having this awesome Motivation MatchUp thing and originally I was excited to join, but then I thought about it and realized it probably wasn’t for me.  The way I see it, sure, having someone motivate and encourage me on for a few weeks or even months would be a big help in holding me accountable and maybe the push I need to finally reach goal - but they can’t be there always. In the end, the only person who will always be there is me.  So I want to learn how to be my own strongest motivator.  Nothing wrong with using crutches, but knowing me, I’ll learn to lean on those crutches and so when it’s finally time to take them off, i wouldn’t know how to walk w/o them anymore.  Does that make any sense…or am I being weird again?

Anywhos, I’m happy to say that my absence was actually because I’ve been working extra hard. :)  Regular gym workouts and sleeping early (to curb those late night binges).  It’s really weird though because my legs continue to shrink (they fit in my old size 4 pants now) but my waist/tummy area is still in the size 10 range (doesn’t that look weird? it sounds like I look like an ice cream cone 0_o).  Is it what I eat?  Asian meals are always paired with white rice and my breakfast is cereal so that’s probably a lot of carbs.  It’s hard cutting back on carbs though because my body’s so used to it, I always feel really hungry without it. *sigh*

This whole process is such a Catch 22.  When I’m doing well and see progress, it’s so easy to make good food choices and I exercise with more vigor. But when I’m not progressing as well, I start to not take as good care of myself which leads to feeling more depressed and prone to binges..and everything starts to downwardly spiral.

Reason #3 to Lose Weight: so I can stop sitting out on family activities I want to enjoy.

Back story: Awhile back, I was at the mall with my parents for an eye appointment  Afterward, we had to wait for their glasses to be made and my mom wanted to browse the stores.  Of course, since I feel horrible in all clothes right now, I’m avoiding those stores like the plague.  My parents noticed my sour mood and asked if I wanted to go home.  I didn’t want to ruin their day so I said they could stay and I’d come back to pick them up in a few hours.  And that’s how I ended up at home angrily chomping on peanut butter cookies when I should’ve been at the mall enjoying some quality time with my parents.  I don’t even want to think about our beach trip this year when I spent the entire time sitting on the sand or in the hotel room because I was too embarrassed to put on a bathing suit.  I WANT MY LIFE BACK!