Because I am better then this

One of the positive things about this whole experience (weight loss, weight gain..image issues etc.) is this amazing community I’ve stumbled upon. You ladies (and gents ^^) are really incredible people.  Everyone’s so sweet, supportive and *willing* to give a helping hand/word to people you don’t even know.  Honestly, I never expected to get any comments on this blog (as you can tell from the haphazard ramblings..) so I’m totally floored to see ppl replying and encouraging me on.  Your comments mean the world to me and have saved me from sabotaging myself quite a few times.  So, to everyone who has replied, thank you *so* much.  If you return (and for future responders), please leave a blog address (if you have one) so I can return the favor. ^^

Once I’ve established a “rhythm” to it, I’m usually good about sticking to plan to the end.  The harder part for me is getting into that rhythm in the first place.  I’d have a few goods days, then a stressful day comes and an indulging moment leads to indulgent days.  The next day, I try to brush myself off, learn from my mistake, buckle down and try again. But after so many bruises from the falls, it gets harder and harder to make yourself get back up because in the back of your mind you feel like you’re just setting yourself up to fall again.

But what can you do, right? Even if the road is tough, there’s only one way to get up a mountain - by climbing over one painful rock at a time.

This time though, I’m not just doing it for myself, but for my family too.  I see the pain that I bring to my mom when she sees me giving up and wasting away on the couch.  I’ve tried to shut it out of my head by occupying myself with more food (ah, the self destruction), but lately its gotten too loud for me to block out.  She wonders where that bright, youthful energetic little girl that she sent off to college went.  The one that was ready to take on the world.  I want to tell her that after 4 yrs, she was beaten down by life, but that little girl is still in here…and she’s praying to get out too.  So please don’t give up on me yet because I’m not going to give up on myself!