Because I am better then this

Hello world.

I have an eating problem.

There, I said it.  After all these years of denying it to everyone, especially myself, I’m finally ready to admit it.

Its been hard for me to admit to this because my relationship with food didn’t start out this way.  I was born blessed with good genes, high metabolism, and a healthy relationship with food.  I ate when I needed to and only enough to satiate my hunger.  Then I would be up and off, running around to my next great adventure burning off all of my food and then some.   Then adolescence came and concepts of “self-image” and “perceived beauty” were introduced to my susceptible mind.  I will forever remember my aunt making snide remarks like, “Look at how little she eats, I’m sure she’s starting to get vain about her looks.” What? I was most definitely not vain, and I was going to prove that to her by eating just a little more then before.  And a little more.  And before I knew it, thoughts of food consumed my mind.  Yea, I sure showed her. >__<;

Even then, I never admitted that I was overweight.  No, I wasn’t going to be one of those conceited types that only cared about their looks.  Fast forward to my college years when I was away from the poisonous voices of my childhood, and I was actually able to get myself together.  I lost weight, dressed better and felt great about myself.  My last semester killed me though.  Between the stresses of graduating and finding a job in this rough economy, I lost myself and sorted back to my old ways, to the comforts of my old (fri)enemy.  I regained all the weight I lost and then some.  I’ve since then graduated and am now working, but it’s been harder then ever to get back on track with the bandwagon (which I’m sure I will go into more excrutiating details later).  I tried doing the stuff I did before to snap myself out of it, but now I am forced to face my unhealthy obsession with food head on.

This blog is one of my attempts at that.  “Naming your demon” sort of thing.  I don’t know how long I plan to keep this up, but hopefully it will add some desperately needed accountability in my life.

Here’s to a brighter, healthier light at the other end of the tunnel. *cheers*

—-*——–*——–*——–

Start weight: 150lbs (9/19/09)

First Goal: 140 (10/30/09)

Ultimate goal: 115 lbs