I haven’t been on here in a long time. I fell off the wagon I’m sure you can guess that. But when you lost someone you cared about its pretty hard to stay positive in anything. She passed shortly after my last entry. She was too young to go. Younger than me. It put me in a very surreal state of mind and made me not want to do anything. After a bit of time I’ve decided to hop back on the wagon. For a week I’ve been running and doing full body workouts plus eating healthy… but yet somehow I’ve gained five pounds. I hope it starts shedding and I hope I’m doing everything right. I’ve come to a point where I just cant look at my body anymore.
I ran for fifteen minutes tonight. I haven’t done any running since high school. It felt good but now my legs feel like jello.
Definitely going again probably sometime tomorrow. I want to.
Chocolate, ice cream, just anything sweet… they’ve all started to make me feel sick after eating them. I just hope that means I will continue to not crave them anymore.
UGH what a stressful week! I don’t get it!
I HATE that I gave up yesterday, I didn’t eat quite good at all and to top it off I had half a pint of ben and jerrys ice cream. I guess I just needed one day.
I’m feeling a lot better though this morning. One thing that started to freak me out is that I noticed I was eating less and less the past few days. I was loving the weight loss and I was starting to get back into the strict mindset I was in when I was eating less than about 600 calories a day and considered myself anorexic. I was also getting angry over stupid things. Starving yourself makes you cranky. I need to get back on track as well as finding an exercise I enjoy. I would love to start running.
I’m currently reading the book “Secrets Of A Former Fat Girl” and I believe that that book so far has given me a bit of courage to start running. I honestly don’t even care if I start when its cold. I cant use that as an excuse. The only excuse I have at this moment is that I don’t have a supportive bra to keep my D cup breasts in one place. If they’re all over the place I’m not going to enjoy running. I can’t have them flopping around because they(as well as my back) will start to hurt. Thats the only problem I have. So now that I’m done with this rant I will search for a supportive bra online. I’m NOT buying a bra that will feel like duct taping my breasts down though(as the book put it) because that would be just as uncomfortable as them flopping around.
I don’t feel like exercising today, I just don’t.
Why am I feeling so blah today? I guess its a good thing I’m not craving though… I’m still gonna stick to my foods but I might just lay around all day. I think its alright for me to have one day to be lazy… right? Meh
That game is so awesome I played it for an hour and didn’t even realize.
But now my body is a bit sore and I’m all sweaty. Time for a shower!!!!
Well, last week I had a smoothie every day. And boy, those were filling. I also found that I never craved at all last week. This week, without the smoothies.. I’m craving like crazy. I even bought skinny cow and weight watchers ice creams just to satisfy my cravings. So today, I will start smoothies again. I bought myself a single serve blender that also doubles as a cup. I’ll be trying to add some kale or spinach now in my smoothies to add more veggies into my diet. I’m excited to try new smoothies(I make them up as I go and usually its always delicious).
Scale says I lost another pound!!! 194, and that much closer to being in the 180s.
The best part about this diet is that I don’t feel so bloated anymore. According to my boyfriends mom, she can see the small weight loss already.. especially in my face. It made me feel so good!
Welp, I’m off to do some more grocery shopping! Bye!
I decided to buy myself a new bag. My favorite bag is falling apart. But as I was shopping I realized I was undergoing more stress because the hand bag/accessorizes workers were being EXTREMELY rude. It was really bad.
Heres the thing, I work at a drive through convenience store.. I’ve seen rude. I’ve seen brutally rude. These women in the store tonight were being over the fucking top rude. I’m sure you get the point though…. stressful shopping due to rude workers.
Stressed before shopping.. stressed during shopping… BUT I did go to a store where the cashier did everything she could to make my shopping experience SO much better. She gave me an awesome discount :] 42 dollar bag for the price of $9.99 even though I told her I didn’t want the bag anymore. Definitely made my night better.
Time to lay down and sleep before I start to feel hungry.. I smell omelettes being made(boyfriends mom is making them).
Here I am sitting with my breakfast hoping to have a nice relaxing morning… until.. my sisters douche bag of a boyfriend pulls up. My dad said this kid isn’t allowed here during school hours. Also.. this kid is tearing my family apart because my sister is wrapped around his finger. So anyway, I say something and my sister flips out. I call my dad and he says “oh its whatever” I say great parenting and hang up. I tell my sister again that he isn’t supposed to be here and she again flips out and he mumbles something under his breath. At that point I get annoyed and tell him straight out to get out. My sister once again flips out and they head upstairs. I follow them up and say this is ridiculous he shouldn’t be here(I was persistent because this kid makes me feel uncomfortable and has walked in on me twice in the shower). My sister then gets violent and punches me in the face then takes the top of a storage bin and hits me twice with it. I then tell him “how does it feel to be in a house where every single person hates you? how does it feel being with someone because you enjoy hurting them?”(he has cheated on my sister many times). He told me to shut up and I responded “then get the fuck out”. I got hurt because I love my sister. When shes hurt, I’m hurt. I have never seen her happy ever in this 1 and a half year relationship. I hate living in my house. Stress = me wanting to eat. Though, this current stress has my stomach in such a knot I feel like throwing up instead.
At this point.. with my sister getting physical with me… I’m going to ask my boyfriend and his mom if its okay if I live with them for a while again.
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