Wedding Diet Woes (and Wahoos!)

Welcome to my trials and triumphs!

 

Long time; Cancer sucks!

So Thanksgiving was a bust. Christmas was a bust. I got to 286 before the holidays. I came back 8 pounds heavier. On Monday I weighed in: 287. Almost a month to lose what I put on in days. That SHOULD be a thought I have when I decide to sit down and eat my weight in sugar, right? Nope.

Yesterday I got word that my mom now has cancer in her pelvis. Multiple spots. Thank God I was already on my walk when I got the call because afterwards I crawled under my blanket and decided to eat myself into oblivion.

I decided a month or so back that I needed motivation to A) meet people since I have lived her almost a year and I know no one, B) get exercising to get healthy, and C) do some kind of service work to get outside of myself.

I joined the 3 day 60 mile walk.

My mom had a double mastectomy in 2011 to remove her cancer ridden breasts and lymph nodes. In 2012 my sister had stage one cancer removed from her ovaries. One of my best friends father died from this disease. My fiance’s father died from cancer. I know so many people whose lives have been affected by cancer. I pray for a future without cancer.

With this lovely news, I ate. I ate a bacon cheeseburger, fries, vanilla shake, pie, cake, chips with bean dip.

I am delusional if I don’t think I am an addict. I am delusional if I think that using drugs is different than using mass quantities of food to dull my ache.

Tell me normal people gain 3 pounds overnight. *sigh*

Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On January 23, 2013
At 1:49 pm
Comments : 0
 
 

I Love Bread

I can’t help it. I love the texture. I love the taste. Toasted. Not toasted. Wheat. 15 grain. White. Sour Dough. French. When it hits my tongue it feels like home. When it hits my stomach, I feel content.

I usually eat Pepperidge Farm 15 grain Hearty texture because I love it. I eat one piece at a time, usually with hummus or avocado. I don’t usually eat more than 1 a day because it is just over “a carb” and I rarely use it for sandwiches because it is 120 calories per slice and who eats a sandwich with 1 slice of bread?

So for sandwiches I use the Sara Lee 45 calorie per slice bread. It is delicious. I just finished a sandwich. I had some celery, string cheese, and frozen black cherries which is like the best treat ever, but I wanted more of the sandwich and not the cherries. I feel like this speaks volumes. I am such a carb addict.

I have kept away from potatoes mostly. Pasta, on the other hand, is almost like my love for bread. I can’t seem to not eat pasta. I have heard of like whole grain pasta but I have heard such mixed reviews about it. It doesn’t cut down on carbs or anything so I don’t quite get why it is better.

I need to make dinner.

As for the good news, in 4 weeks I am down 11 pounds. I was down 12 yesterday but I seem to need to poop and I ate a bunch of carbs last night before bed. All in all, I am pretty happy with my progress.

I have started to incorporate foods that I swore I hated that are supposed to help boost metabolism. I eat a half of a grapefruit with my breakfast. I am doing well of eating multiple meals of about  300 to 400 calories each. That means 5 meals a day. Sometimes I skip one so I can eat something incredibly bad for me, like pie. Yummy pie. I have this issue with forgetting to eat a lot. You would think that eating barely anything a day would help BUT SKIPPING MEALS DOES NOT HELP. I am losing weight by eating. How weird.

When I eat carbs (cuz I NEEDZ them), I try to match it with protein because that is what the nutritionist said. I have an appreciation for fat free cottage cheese and string cheese as well as a renewed appreciation to low sodium chicken lunch meat. I do tofu as well. I like to just heat it up in a frying pan with sauteed mushrooms and onions and consume. It looks like vomit but it tastes good.

Ok, so in the last 7 days, I have walked about 21 miles with the two days I took off with my foot injury.

I have not eaten over 2,000 calories in any day over the last week. I made some poor decisions and some really good ones. But I made up for the extras in other ways. I did not binge.

Week 3 Weigh in Weight: 289

Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On November 12, 2012
At 1:08 pm
Comments :1
 
 

Mmmm Halloween Candy

There is still the miscellaneous piece of Halloween candy laying around. I am currently eating Skittles. Yummy. I did really well cleaning out the really bad for me stuff. I made H2B take it to work. But this candy… this candy had to stay here. Now it is in my belly.

I hurt my foot the other night running. I did 11 minutes of running during my 38 minute walk. I guess something happened during it and I didn’t notice. When I got home it felt like it needed to be popped, but in a weird place. The next day it was a little sore. Today I woke up and it felt like my foot was put together wrong. It hurts. I took the day off. I might have to take off tomorrow. I walked to get the mail and I was questioning if I could make it make.

Good news is the scale told me I lost another two pounds. That is a total of 9 so far. Let’s see if it stays off when I can’t exercise.

Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On November 7, 2012
At 10:46 pm
Comments : 0
 
 

Thoughts and Confessions

So a couple of days ago I told my H2B about how many calories I worked off. It lead to a question about how many I ate. And I was in trouble. The calories I burn exceeded the calories I ate. He wasn’t happy. I am now limited on how much I can work out. I have to admit I felt a little joy when he said that. The addict in me also started bucking against it and was trying to figure out how I could work out behind his back. So I busted myself again. Honesty.

I have noticed a few things while I walk… If I keep my elbows bent, I seem to walk faster. It also helps me keep my strides shorter, which in turn keeps my shins from getting sore.

When did we stop teaching children to walk against traffic and to ride your bike with traffic??? I swear every time I am walking, I have some idiot walking with traffic on the other side of the road and the cars don’t know what to do! Or if they are coming towards me, they want to go around me on my left side which happens to be where me dog is, so they are all like, “OMGZ! DOG! What do I do?!” And all I want to be is like, “If you would be on YOUR side of the road, this wouldn’t happen.”

H2B got me a new pair of shoes. I guess it is a reward for working so hard, but it is also to prevent injury because my old shoes that I wore to exercise were really worn out. I told him in 30 pounds, he is going to buy me new underwear.

Weigh in is tomorrow. I feel the need to start walking right now. My insides are already anxiously anticipating it. My whole body feels on edge. Granted I weigh myself everyday, but Monday is the day I WRITE IT DOWN. So it is official.

So, wish me luck!

Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On November 4, 2012
At 2:42 pm
Comments : 0
 
 

Just about two weeks in…

I was weighed at the doctor’s office a few weeks back… 300 pounds. Three. Hundred. Pounds. WTF.

I got on the scale this morning, 293. I get on the scale everyday. It is my new obsession, ya know. I get on the scale and every time a lower number pops up, I say in my head, “It has got to be a fluke.” The 6 miles plus I walked/ran yesterday, yeah, that couldn’t possible help the scale move in the right direction. The 12 minutes of stairs, nope. The weight machines I did for 15 minutes the other day, hmmm. Eating enough calories to feel content and not hungry, that can’t be it. It HAS to be a fluke. So all day, I am on and off the scale. Checking, re-checking. The next day, it reads the same… so it can’t be a fluke. I calm down. The next day the scale moves, and it is the same insanity again….

Today, I am down another 2 pounds, which is scary for me. I have lost 7 pounds in 11 days. That can’t be healthy. Granted, I have 130 pounds of fat hanging off my body in all kinds of directions… And we KNOW that isn’t healthy… I talked to my much saner fiance, and he has cut my exercising down. Thank God. Cuz I defiantly couldn’t do it myself. As he was telling me how I should do less of this or less of that, I was thinking about how I could do it without him knowing. THIS HERE is a true addict. But I am going to listen to him. And I am going to be honest. I want to do this in a healthy way. This isn’t to be a crash diet. This is to change my life!

I sit here writing this when I should be getting ready. Sometimes my insides are more important than my outsides. Wow, isn’t that the truth.

Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On November 2, 2012
At 10:42 am
Comments : 0
 
 

Hello

I am starting to feel like I am bombarding my friends with my dieting info.

I question as I ramble about my food intake for the day, “Do they really care?”

While complaining about my lack of motivation in the back of my head I wonder, “Are they getting sick of listening to me?”

I hope to spill my thoughts and desires and crazy obsession with my poop on here instead and hopefully get the same satisfaction of getting it OUT.

In the last couple of years, I have put on a lot of weight. I have always struggled with my weight. I have fluctuated between anorexia and overeating since puberty. When I was 18, they put me on a medication that had me weighing in at 315 pounds. I lost that the way I always lost weight.

I have this cycle of obsession. I look at what I eat and I think about how I can eat less. I look at how I exercise and I think about how much more I could do. Sounds good right?

Wrong. A healthy intake of calories quickly becomes a half of a Lipton Diet Lemon Iced Tea a day and a few miles of cardio a day becomes walking until I can barely stand.

I have given myself an amount of calories that I MUST eat a day and I have not limited my exercising. So far it has not interfered with my life. I feel great. Accomplished as I am already down 5 pounds. But already I am fighting with my caloric intake.

I have promised myself to eat 1700-1900 calories a day. I think I could do 1500.

I had started with 1 mile 3 times a day. Then it was 1.2 miles 3 times a day. Now I am not happy unless it is 2 miles 3 times a day, doing weight machines Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I have also increased my pushups and situps to 15 each, 2 times a day. It all sounds OK yet. The obsession is awake, but I hope to be able to curb it by being completely honest and tell on myself on this blog.

Granted, I was 300 pounds, and I have A LOT to lose. But I don’t want to lose my sanity again over this. This whole obsession is why I try to ignore my weight. I need to be healthy, not insane.

So, I got to get back to homework, but I thought I should put something down on paper so I can get back to studying.

Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On November 1, 2012
At 11:07 am
Comments : 2