Wedding Diet Woes (and Wahoos!)

Welcome to my trials and triumphs!

 

40ish Hours

My mom is coming to visit. She is flying down on Wednesday. I am really excited and scared as fuck to see her. She has lost over 20 pounds in a very short period of time. My sister told me that she doesn’t really look sick, which is what I have been pretty much too scared to ask anyone. I want to do all kinds of things with her, but then I remember how tired she gets doing almost nothing. I try to reel it in, but then I get sad again.

I was told the other day that the cancer is now in her bone marrow. I am only 33. I shouldn’t lose my mom in my 30s. Something really sucks here. It is totally not fair. So this is why I haven’t been around much in the past week…

Besides feeling like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, I have been cleaning, organizing, and doing homework like a crazy woman. I wanted to get as much done so I wouldn’t be busy doing it while she was here. I have been pumping out papers and projects like a mad woman. I need to work on my audit project, but it looks like I might have to wait on that. I want to freshen up the guest bathroom and bedroom tomorrow. OH! And give my dog a bath! She STINKS. And I need to go shopping for last minute supplies, like flowers.

I am so excited that H2B’s tantrum tonight is not gunna bring me down. Well, it did, but I am trying to work past it. So much to do, so little time.

I was down a pound this week. A pound is better than none. Especially since I have spent most of my time on the couch doing homework the last week. I could do better, I chose not to right now. I am not in that great of a place. Maybe tomorrow. Or maybe next week. When my cancer-ridden momma is gone.

If I drank, I might be having a glass of wine right now.

Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On March 18, 2013
At 9:39 pm
Comments : 3
 
 

Leg Crossing

Ok, so, I am fat. My face is fat, my belly is fat, my legs are fat… I was sitting on the couch here, laptop in my lap, and I almost fell off the couch (cuz I was blown away). My legs are crossed. My knee fits over my other knee. There was no need to pull my leg across the other… I didn’t need to tuck in fat here or there for it to sit correctly… I just picked my one leg up and sat it across the other. Like a BOSS! There was no wiggling needed. It just went.

Just when did that happen?

In other news, I am fighting my grade. My adviser got back to me today. I sent her the emails and my assignments. Another student got in touch with me. She said “he needs to be knocked down a notch of two.” Something needs to happen. I will not let him drag my 3.925 GPA. I am sitting at a B right now. A B in MUSIC!?! In his powertrip, I am fearful I will end up with a C by the end of the course. I am SO OVER gen eds right now I could puke.

My calves are still stiff as hell. Walked two miles yesterday before it started raining and 2 so far today trying to loosen them up. No go yet. I am tired, but a different kind of tired than I am used to. Don’t really know how to explain it. We are headed to Target to buy some more socks. Going to park far away and make it a decent walk to the store. We do this often… Park as far away from the store as we can. It really helps get in a few more steps in the day.

I GORGED myself last night again. I just get these feelings like I am starving and I am going to die if I don’t eat. So after dinner of salmon and chicken with green beans and salad, I ate my cuban leftovers (pork and rice), and I was still sooo hungry I ate a bunch of ice cream (like 4-5 servings), and my stomach still gnawed at me so I ate a bowl of chili that I was cooking for today. Then I felt ok. Not full. Not content. But the ache of hunger went away. I was sure scared to step on the scale today, but I was down like a half of a pound. Those aches have happened to me before. I usually eat cereal when that happens. And I don’t usually find myself up in weight. And every time I think to myself, “I should listen to my body more.”

I spilled chili on my shirt. It looks awful. I don’t care. I will be one of those fat women with stains down her shirt out in public. It was delicious, btw.

Thanks for all the support, ladies!

Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On March 12, 2013
At 3:06 pm
Comments : 3
 
 

Burn 1200 Cals in a Day!?

I decided to take off yesterday. I believe that was a good idea. Today H2B bossed me into doing something I felt too tired to do.

Last night I got some really crappy news. I am in this class called Music Appreciation. The instructor asked us to write a post about which of these three operas we liked. I wrote that I didn’t care for any of them. Then I explained what was lacking that would have made me enjoy them. The instructor took offense in me not liking the operas, like I was personally slighting him, and gave me zero points on the assignment. He made some real illogical comparisons. I couldn’t fall asleep last night. I felt sick. The email kept playing over and over in my head. I kept thinking about how I could respond. It was bad.

So H2B says to me, we are going to ride down to Stone Mountain, walk up to the top, and walk down. I so wanted to be like, let’s just hang out in bed, but I didn’t. I forced myself to go.

The ride there was beautiful. There is something magical about riding a motorcycle: the wind in your face, the feel of power between your legs as you guide it through curves, the feeling of freedom…

Then we get to Stone Mountain, switch out our motorcycle boots for tennis shoes, and start our trek. 1.1 miles, 40 minutes, and and elevation of 786 ft, we made it to the top. Holy freaking crap that was tough. I weigh 280 (ish) pounds. That is quite the workout to carry my own weight up that stone. We got some more water, so powerade, and popcorn of course, and waited for our bodies to give us the OK to head down.

It took us 38 minutes to walk down, too! My legs were so shaky and wobbly. I was surprised I kept upright the entire time. Noom says I burned about 1200 calories. I better see that on the scale tomorrow for weigh in!

I have been slacking keeping track of my food consumption this weekend as… well… I usually suck during the weekend. I ate pizza yesterday. Candy bar. A fish sandwich Friday. A sundae. Pie. Ice cream. Eggs Benedict. With American fries. Cheeseburger on a huge bun. The only good thing I do practically without fail is drink plenty of water. Everyday.

I am so exhausted I could fall asleep sitting up, but I figured it’s been a few days since I checked in. Didn’t want you guys to think my heart just stopped or something. I hope everyone had a great weekend!

We can do this!

Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On March 10, 2013
At 6:28 pm
Comments : 8
 
 

I am NOT Even Hungry

I am just eating. And making poor choices. I am so tired. And stressed out.

Sometimes life just feels too hard. And a couple four tacos and a small large strawberry sundae will make everything all right kill you slowly until you die.

I walked over 4 miles today. Besides the 4 I did at home, I parked super far away from my fav taco place death dealer. And then walked to Walmart where I did NOT buy peanut butter M&Ms or caramel Cadbury eggs. Or chips. I bought spinach cuz I ran out and I am digging these smoothies for breakfast. They net the same carbs, have more cals, but I am actually eating fruits and vegetables. You can’t beat that with a stick!

Well, you can, but I use a blender. Ha!

Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On March 7, 2013
At 10:26 pm
Comments : 2
 
 

Can Someone Help Me?

I was playing around with the layout of my blog and I deleted the “Updated 3fc” blog roll or whatever and I cannot seem to get it back. I posted the question on the forum and I guess no one seems to know the answer over there. Anyone here know?

Also, how come some names are links, and some aren’t? When I see my name (when I comment) on another blog, it doesn’t link back to me.

Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On March 6, 2013
At 1:59 pm
Comments : 2
 
 

Huston, We Have a Problem

With Carbs and sugar, that is. For today:

Cals: 1621 Fat: 63.75 Carbs: 189.75 Fiber: 28.5 Sugar: 102.75 Protein: 71.25, Walked 4 miles.

I can’t even believe how many carbs I eat. The worst part is, I feel like I am STARVING TO DEATH if I do not consume them. For example, I ate bacon today. Bacon isn’t all that good for you but I figured my fat count wasn’t HUGE and it should be fine and it wouldn’t add to my already huge carb count. I ate it. It was delicious. I ate one ounce along with lettuce and tomato on super low cal toast with hummus and a monstrous salad. Still hungry as a mo-fo, I ate another ounce. I was still hungry. Went for a walk, hoping that things would get into the place in my belly that tells my brain I am full… No success.

I got home. I was like, “no carbs no carbs what can I eat with no carbs..” I thought, eggs! So I hard-boiled two eggs. Ate them with some avocado, which has equal amount fiber and carbs. Oh my God, you would think that I hadn’t in a week. My stomach was LIVID.

I gave up. I at a bowl of cereal. And here I sit content. Having PCOS, I know that carbs are such a huge factor in helping me keep weight on but I don’t know what to do when everything inside me is telling me if I don’t eat, and eat right. this. minute, I am going to die.

I usually weigh myself everyday, but I forgot to today. Probably a good thing, because I didn’t poop at all yesterday and the scale would have probably called me fat and I would have found myself back in bed. It just seems so shitty that I work so hard and see such little results. And this struggle is probably one I will have the rest of my life. And I sit and wonder sometimes… Why try?

Sorry to end on such a depressing note, but that’s all I got.

Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On March 5, 2013
At 9:14 pm
Comments :1
 
 

Keeping Track of the Little Things

Officially down 20 pounds!

Soooo the other day I was like, “I wonder if I am getting enough protein…” so I kept track for a few days and I found out that I in fact, do NOT get enough protein for how fat I am. I should be getting 100 grams of protein a day. To figure out how much you should get, take your weight by 0.37. For example, I weigh 280. 280 x 0.37= 103. Somewhere in my reading over the years, I have read that I shouldn’t need(???) to go over 100 grams a day.

With me keeping close track of my protein, I also kept close track of calories, fat, carbs, fiber, and sugar. Another thing I lack: fiber. I read women should be getting like 25 grams a day. Things I get way too much of: EVERYTHING ELSE. So now I will be posting these, starting March 1st, on here as well. I am hoping that seeing them will help me SEE them.

I was talking to H2B the other day. I asked him how come he never said anything about my weight gain. Since we have been together, I have gained 40 pounds. See, I didn’t see it. Again. I just didn’t see myself getting huge. I don’t know how that happens, but I asked him if he would have ever said anything, and he said no. I was like, “aren’t you embarrassed to be seen with me?” And he was all, “No, I love you.” And I thought, that is ridiculous, but nice.

  • March 1: Cals: 2785 Fat: 118.5 Carbs: 293 Fiber: 2 Sugar: 127 Protein: 138, Walked 3.6 miles
  • March 2: Cals: 1790 Fat: 91 Carbs: 149.5 Fiber: 11.5 Sugar: 41.5 Protein: 92, Walked 2.0 miles
  • March 3: Cals: 1695 Fat: 53.5 Carbs: 208 Fiber: 15 Sugar: 78 Protein: 77, Walked 1.8 miles
  • March 4: Cals: 1737 Fat: 51 Carbs: 228.5 Fiber: 37 Sugar: 100 Protein: 99, Walked 3.5 miles
Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On March 4, 2013
At 7:49 pm
Comments :1
 
 

The Outcome

So, I finished Dr. Oz’s 3 day detox. Last night I felt pretty crappy and I knew I should have eaten something, but I didn’t. I woke up this morning with a really bad headache. I drank a bunch of water before I crawled out of bed. I got on the scale I over the 3 day detox, I lost 4 pounds. I know a bunch of it is water weight that I will most likely regain, but over the 3 days, I felt pretty good. I pooped well. I wasn’t hungry (until last night). The smoothies (except for lunch) were delicious.

I have been really thinking a lot about mini goals in the last few days. My ultimate goal is to be 170 by March 2014. Holy crap. 1 year. 110 pounds in 1 year. That is just about 2 pounds a week. It’s doable. OK, so since Monday is my weigh in day, mini goals:

  1. 30 pounds by April 8th - I get to run
  2. 50 pounds by June 17th - new underwear!
  3. Halfway there (65 pounds) by Aug 12th - buy a sewing machine
  4. 75 pounds by Sept 9th
  5. 87 pounds by Oct 21st
  6. 100 pounds by Dec 2nd
  7. 110 pounds by Jan 6th
  8. 120 pounds by Feb 10th
  9. 130 pounds by March 17th
I have no idea what else I want to get myself for the other milestones because they are so far off!!! I am sure I will come up with something in the future! I have been really participating in the forum and I have read every blog everyday that they update. I have read the goal posts and been inspired. I really feel like I can do this.
Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On March 1, 2013
At 11:37 pm
Comments :1