And I GORGED myself.
I am talking peanut butter M&Ms, huge piece of cake with a pound of frosting and ice cream, 4 tacos, nachos, beans and rice, an ENTIRE bag of those white chocolate Bliss candies, besides my regular breakfast of healthy cereal, and my lunch of beans, toast, hummus, avocado, and cheese.
I will check the scale tomorrow to see how much damage I did. I have a sugar headache. I know I am going to have a sugar hangover tomorrow. It is 10 pm. It doesn’t sound like it is down pouring anymore. Maybe I will get out there quick to try and burn some of it off before it turns into permanent fat some where.
I want to be like, “STOP! Don’t you remember how hard it is to lose that 2 pounds and how easy it is to put on?!?! It is SO MUCH EASIER to just NOT EAT THAT PIECE of cake than try to walk it off!!! What is WRONG with you?! PUT IT DOWN!!!”
But I don’t. I eat it. And then I feel miserable. I am at 287. TWO EIGHTY SEVEN. Do I REALLY need that cake? Do I need that ENTIRE BAG of candy? DO I LIKE BEING OBESE?!?!
I am so angry at myself. I have a goal. I want to be 170 pounds. If I lose 2 pounds a week, I could be there in March. I need to lose A WHOLE PERSON. It is doable if I stop sabotaging myself! If I just say, “Hey B, you wanna be healthy, or do you want to eat that?”
I deserve to be healthy.