Wedding Diet Woes (and Wahoos!)

Welcome to my trials and triumphs!

 

The day after

I posted last night about my huge screw up. It got me motivated so after I clicked publish, I walked another 3.6 miles yesterday. That was a total of 7.2 miles yesterday. It felt fine. My foot didn’t hurt. I didn’t wake up sore or exhausted today. But  got on the scale… Yesterday I put 2 pounds of garbage on. In one day. I am STILL shaking my head at myself. Not only have I been stuck at 287 for 3 weeks because of the emotional eating I have been doing since finding out my mom’s cancer is back, but now I am back up to 289. Yay.

I have access to the gym in my apartment complex everyday as long as the office is open. When it is not open, you can buy a key card to get it. Then you can go until 10 pm every night. Even Sundays when the office isn’t open at all. It is a pretty good deal. I think I am going to buy it today. I feel like I have to do something else to get my body jump started again on losing weight. Weight machines seem like a good idea.

I have walked everyday for 28 days. That is 28 days IN A ROW. The majority have been 3.6 miles (2 loops), only 6 days has it been under and probably 6 or more have been over 3.6, including my 7.2 yesterday.

Somethings I have noticed this last week: 1) I have not sat on my couch for an hour trying to get motivated. It seems that some time in this last week I have just gotten up and done it. 2) I have been sleeping like a rock and it feels good. 3) The negative self-talk I carried on with myself about how I was “too tired to be doing this” has dissipated.

So, YAY!

Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On January 31, 2013
At 11:44 am
Comments :1
 
 

It’s my birthday!

And I GORGED myself.

I am talking peanut butter M&Ms, huge piece of cake with a pound of frosting and ice cream, 4 tacos, nachos, beans and rice, an ENTIRE bag of those white chocolate Bliss candies, besides my regular breakfast of healthy cereal, and my lunch of beans, toast, hummus, avocado, and cheese.

I will check the scale tomorrow to see how much damage I did. I have a sugar headache. I know I am going to have a sugar hangover tomorrow. It is 10 pm. It doesn’t sound like it is down pouring anymore. Maybe I will get out there quick to try and burn some of it off before it turns into permanent fat some where.

I want to be like, “STOP! Don’t you remember how hard it is to lose that 2 pounds and how easy it is to put on?!?! It is SO MUCH EASIER to just NOT EAT THAT PIECE of cake than try to walk it off!!! What is WRONG with you?! PUT IT DOWN!!!”

But I don’t. I eat it. And then I feel miserable. I am at 287. TWO EIGHTY SEVEN. Do I REALLY need that cake? Do I need that ENTIRE BAG of candy? DO I LIKE BEING OBESE?!?!

I am so angry at myself. I have a goal. I want to be 170 pounds. If I lose 2 pounds a week, I could be there in March. I need to lose A WHOLE PERSON. It is doable if I stop sabotaging myself! If I just say, “Hey B, you wanna be healthy, or do you want to eat that?”

I deserve to be healthy.

Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On January 30, 2013
At 8:07 pm
Comments : 3
 
 

Birthday Celebration

The H2B took me out for my birthday tonight. We went to J Alexanders. So good. I only ate half of my meal, but we also shared a piece of carrot cake.

It was not long ago that I would have eaten everything on my plate. That feels good because when we left, I was full and not packed tight. It is crazy how since I am consciously watching my portion size it seems like I get full on less. Maybe my stomach is just on its way back to normal size.

I also walked 3.6 miles today. So far. I might get out there yet tonight depending on my stress level, but the last two days I have walked 5.4 miles. My feet feel AMAZING because along with dinner, I was taken out for an hour foot massage. It was so awesome. It was just what my feet were calling for.

My mind is slow to commit. Slow to make decisions. I am sad and mad. It was a great night though.

Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On January 25, 2013
At 7:37 pm
Comments : 0
 
 

Cancer sucks! Not eating through it!

OR trying not to eat through it. I still have cupcakes. I still have pie in the freezer. Funny thing is, when I eat my normal food, I still weigh and track. Hell, I even tracked my binge the other day. It was my caloric intake for the whole day. The worst part was the fat and sugar though.

My mom had surgery today to keep her ureter open. The urologist put a stint in it. She doesn’t want to speculate BUT if she would, she thinks the cancer is swelling the lymph nodes in her abdomen pushing her ureter closed or a  tumor is pushing it closed.

That combined with the multiple spots on and in her pelvic bone… it doesn’t sound so good.

Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On January 24, 2013
At 12:55 pm
Comments : 2
 
 

Long time; Cancer sucks!

So Thanksgiving was a bust. Christmas was a bust. I got to 286 before the holidays. I came back 8 pounds heavier. On Monday I weighed in: 287. Almost a month to lose what I put on in days. That SHOULD be a thought I have when I decide to sit down and eat my weight in sugar, right? Nope.

Yesterday I got word that my mom now has cancer in her pelvis. Multiple spots. Thank God I was already on my walk when I got the call because afterwards I crawled under my blanket and decided to eat myself into oblivion.

I decided a month or so back that I needed motivation to A) meet people since I have lived her almost a year and I know no one, B) get exercising to get healthy, and C) do some kind of service work to get outside of myself.

I joined the 3 day 60 mile walk.

My mom had a double mastectomy in 2011 to remove her cancer ridden breasts and lymph nodes. In 2012 my sister had stage one cancer removed from her ovaries. One of my best friends father died from this disease. My fiance’s father died from cancer. I know so many people whose lives have been affected by cancer. I pray for a future without cancer.

With this lovely news, I ate. I ate a bacon cheeseburger, fries, vanilla shake, pie, cake, chips with bean dip.

I am delusional if I don’t think I am an addict. I am delusional if I think that using drugs is different than using mass quantities of food to dull my ache.

Tell me normal people gain 3 pounds overnight. *sigh*

Filed under : Everday Ramblings
By watchingweight4wedding
On January 23, 2013
At 1:49 pm
Comments : 0