Weigh Ins :)

Date: weight: Lost: Total weight left:

2/8           246                   -3                    83 lbs.

2/5           249                   +1                   86 lbs.

2/1           248                  -3                    85 lbs

1/29         250                  -2                    87 lbs

1/25         252                  -2                   89 lbs

1/22         254                   -3                   91 lbs

1/19         257                   -6                   94 lbs

1/13        263                                           100 lbs

not so good.

So Ive been on my diet for 3 weeks solidly now, and for the first time after steadily losing, Ive gained a lb. I think this is a sad cocktail of stress, depression, and cheating. I feel devestated and I know I shouldnt. I suppose I thought if I could just keep trucking through it would give me a sense of control.

Today I feel very out of control. I want to cry, and did in my car for a while.

Having to wait for my boss to give me my monthly pay check makes this program incredibly hard also. I am almost out of food and suppliments, and just had to spend 500$ fixing my brakes. I try to tell myself that things could be worse, and of course they could. But I am filled with sadness at my own self destructive behavior. I wish it were easier to go out with my boyfriend when he is hungry. When I eat out even the healthiest dish I know I am cheating. And when I go and dont eat he feels guilty. I wish he could understand that he cant have it both ways, and somewhere in there I think he does.

Anyway, Im gonna go for a walk. Wanted to write before I forgot.

Starting over…

So yet again, I am attempting weight loss.

This try seems to be the most sucessful so far, with me loosing about 6 lbs per week, and following nutritionist orders. I am essentially cutting out sugar, flour and wheat and eating mostly organic vegtables, fruits and dairies.

In three weeks, I have cheated twice (both times with chicken tenders). I feel overwhelmingly guilty about it, but apparently that guilt isnt strong enough to keep me from doing it.

I am currently in a relationship with a guy who looks like a model-six pack and all. I am finally to a point where I understand why he loves me and is with me, but it is still hard for me to take my clothes off in front of him and that hurts me and him (or the general us, id say).

I am hoping that my next weigh in will show more weight loss, but having cheated twice I am not sure. At least when I cheated it wasnt with pasta or pizza. I guess we will see come friday.

For now.

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