I’ve been sliding all over the place half of me trying to get my balance back and half of me missing all those unhealthy choices. 

I just worked out and did my Turbo Sculpt DVD and got inspiration to write.  Haha the last couple weeks have been hell.  I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time.  Maybe it’s all in my head or simple just the holidays but it’s funny that one day I was still doing AMAZING and being so strict to the next day allowing little splurges.  My biggest mistake is probably allowing myself to eat whatever I want all day long on Thanksgiving.  I didn’t want to have to worry about it…I didn’t want to have to turn down my favorites so I said to heck with it and stuffed my face all day long.  With that came the leftovers though and my aunt sending me home with half a chocolate pie and luckily I didn’t eat all of it but I had a few binges of very very very large spoonfuls of pie.  Ever since then I’ve been allowing myself a little extra that, a few too many sips of soda, eating Panda Express for dinner…ya know, things like that. 

My food had been the better of the 2 main components of weight loss; eating right and working out.  What’s working out again?  I actually started working seasonally last week and my feet and especially my knee have been really hurting.  So I’ve been lazy and used it as an excuse to skip a few workouts.  Last night Ben and I went to work out and my knee felt like it was going to pop in half…we came home 10 mins into our “workout”.  SO tonight after decided without second thought about eating a 1115 calorie meal at Panda Express I decided I had to do SOMETHING even if I had to do my Turbo Sculpt and only work out my upper body.  I feel good.  I’m glad I did it.  I got a sweat going and got my heart rate up and am soooo glad I did it!

It may just be complete mental slope I’ve been fighting.  8 weeks into Body for Life I quit and I was completely determined that I was going to be getting to goal then.  I let myself down.  Subconsciously I’ve been waiting for myself to fail again.  I don’t want too…I tell myself I’m not but really I expect nothing more than me failing yet again.  BUT let me tell ya…I have noticed ONE difference between me quitting then and me started to slip this time and that’s that I’m here and I recognize that I’m slowly getting back into those old nasty habits and I’m putting a stop to it.  Dangit, I’m going to lose this weight!!!!! 

The fact that I miss all my favorite fast food restaurants and eating ice cream whenever I please is a different story!  I absolutely do miss it…I thought at this point I would never want to touch the stuff again and I know it’s horrible for me but it’s so yummy.  I’m quite addicted to food…I love it but I’m just going to have to suffer through and say goodbye!  I would have a funeral and bury it but I would eat it all before I got it home to have the funeral.  Ehhh… Every day is a struggle but I just need to get 100% committed again and get strict!  That happening RIGHT NOW!  IM COMMITTED!  =)    The good news is that I haven’t gained any weight…I’ve lost a couple pounds but I need to get my unbloated self back! 

Fitday here I come!  Ahhh feels good! 

Soooo….its been like 12 days since Ive blogged last.  I didnt quite realize its been that long.  The good news is that IM STILL LOSING!  The bad is that I havnt worked out in like 5 days.  I went to Courts this weekend, left on Thursday and came back Sunday, and then I had a busy few days with school so I havnt worked out at all.  =(  I lost like 1 pound this week which is good because I def couldve gained but Ive ate pretty well. 

I hate the feeling of “giving in” though.  Granted I have sucked with working out but Ive made good food choices and kept up with Fitday minus one day over the weekend.  So it couldve been worse.  I just feel like since Ive slacked off working out that Im doomed to fail.  I know Im not going to fail because I am determined not too but its just is too close to failing for me. 

Im really not motivated to write anything inspiring but I def wanted to check in.  =( 

Im waiting for my late breakfast to settle and then Im going to the gym for a long time.  haha  I plan on updating my measurements this evening too! 

UPDATE!

Okies…I worked out and OMG it felt good!  I missed it and feel SO much better!  I went ahead and weighed in today since I didnt yesterday and Im down to one little smidge below 254 so technically 253 but Im sticking with 254 and I can live with that most definitely!  I also just measured myself for the first time in 2 weeks and OMG Im doing such a good job even if I do feel like an absolute failing slacker!  haha Total inches lost all over is 23.625!  I’ll post my main measurements under my logs page.  =)  *squee* 

I hope everyone has a WONDERFUL holiday! 

OMG, I thought I was going to die without 3FC. I guess the server was down for like a day and a half or 2?  I kept trying to get in and I couldnt and I thought I was going to go eat everything in the kitchen.  It was a weird feeling for me to not be able to get online and get the support.  I didnt realize how strongly I relied on getting on the forum each day to keep me motivated and on track.  WOW.  haha

I dont even know where to start on updating…I feel like I havnt been on for like weeks.  lol 

My food has been great…my workouts have been great.  I actually took yesterday off.  I was really sleepy and my calves have been sore for a week anyways.  I think my body was in need for a break.  My weight however has been steady.  Its still lingering around 260…  Whatever.  I probably havnt been drinking enough but still…I dropped my calories back down to 1200 this week.  It wasnt even intentional but a couple days in a row I had right under 1200 so thats what it is and so I havnt tried to get more.  My weight is down to 259.3ish as of last night.  Not low enough for me…I *REALLY* hope my weightloss doesnt start to slow down this early.  Im 260 freakin pounds.  I feel like I should be dropping the weight off especially with all my workouts and eating clean.  Im not a patient person but perhaps I’ll learn throughout this journey. 

Sooo I found some pictures that really motivated me AND disgusted me!  They are pictures of me pretty close to when I quit doing body for life.  The 2nd picture of me at the airport is me coming to Dallas to visit….which is indeed the trip that got me off track and ended my weightloss. 

I was around 235 here and what I would give to be 235 again.  Im cussing myself actually because WHY IN THE WORLD DID I THROW IN THE TOWEL?  If I could kick myself I would.  I was looking pretty good.  A noticable change…great progress.  When I came home to visit that time I was finished week 8 of 12 of BFL.  I had every intention of staying on plan during my trip and I did.  I went straight to the store and bought stuff for whole wheat turkey sandwhiches, cottage cheese, yogurt, etc.  I went walking everyday around my grandparents neighborhood.  But for some reason when I got back home I just forgot all about BFL and the gym and obviously slowly gained all the weight back plus 20-25 more extra pounds.  What was I thinking to let all that hard work go out the window?  Booooo!  I WONT BE MAKING THAT MISTAKE AGAIN!   

I wasnt even close to goal in those pics, at 235, so it scares me to think I got comfortable in my own skin again that far from goal.  I went home to visit and everyone told me how great I looked and what a great job I was doing….I was floating on cloud 9 because I felt good and I felt pretty!  Im making it to week 12 this time…and then Im going to make it to 24 and 36 and 48 and 60 weeks.  I promised myself over and over when I started BFL that I was going to for once finish and get this weight off.  Im tired of broken promises and settling back into old habits…I really feel and know that this is it.  The new is worn away…and now its time for my commitment to sink in and get me through temptations and lazy days when I dont feel like working out.  Im 100% committed.  I’ll have bad days, I’ll have vacations, and stressful life events but none of those change my goal that I’ll achieve next year….or my goal everyweek and day.  No more excuses….this is it! 

So we went on our bike ride, came home and showered, had my 771 cal sandwhich from yummy Schlotzskys with water and no chips but a few sips of Bens Dr. Pepper, went to the Highlands to get Sabrina a bday present and looked around a while…I tried on a 16 at LB and got them all the way on but they wouldnt button so Im thinking another 30 pounds is needed OFF, annnnnnnd then to Cold Stone ice cream.  Soooo yummy!  Although this is where my guilt set in.  Of course I decided to get this huge slab of vanilla ice cream with cookie dough and fudge mixed in and then put in this huge waffle cone.  It was so yummy but almost too sweet…**gasps**…yea, I said too sweet.  I thought like halfway through that I wouldve been content with a small kids size and no cone.  So my lesson learned of the night….MODERATION.  Why did I feel like I needed to get the HUGE ice cream when all I needed was the little kids size?  I LOVE icecream…I would eat it 5 times a day if humans didnt have to worry about weight….but I dont need to get such a huge amount to be satisfied.  So, the next time I have a free night I’ll be doing it in moderation.  =)

 ….Yea, I felt like a beached whale sitting in front of the ice cream shop shoving my mouth full.  Blah! 

So after we got home and watched Biggest Loser we went and worked out for a lil over a hour.  My weigh in came in at 260.  1 freakin pound away from my 1st minigoal but still!  Thats huge.  AND TOM is still here visiting….so Im blaming him. 

I had a moment last  night…a bad one.  Ben weighed in and he’s been losing weight.  He’s still drinking Dr. Pepper all the time, not counting cals, and eating pretty much what he wants….  Dont get me wrong, Im SO happy he’s been working out with me and Im glad he’s losing weight but Im JEALOUS!  Why isnt it that easy for me to lose weight?  Im being super strict (besides last night obviously and a few other PLANNED splurges), but seriously.  I count my calories religiously, I dont cheat, I havnt had soda in 6 weeks (besides last night), I work out like everyday and twice a day sometimes, and here I am BARELY losing weight while he’s putting in not even half the effort and is losing faster than me!  I hate MEN!  Gerrr….why do they lose faster.  Its BS!  AND I want to run….I cant wait to be able to run so what does Ben do on the treadmill lately?  He runs….he runs for like 15 mins and I run for like 1.5 mins.  It made me sad…I want to run dangit!  Im done venting now.  I’ll get over it and one day I’ll be able to kick his ass in running.  Im also 30 pounds heavier than him so =P. 

Anyways….here are some before and afters at 6 weeks.  Enjoy.  I got them like perfectly resized so they were the same size and what not but photobucket is stupid.  =)  My tummy is going away, and my waist is more defined, my arms are a little smaller, and my bra fat is going away!  YAY! 

Had to throw in a mirror shot.  haha  =P

Im scared to weigh in today.  Really, its more of a nervous.  I feel like my weight loss has def slowed down.  Im terrified Im going to get on the scale today and its only going to be a pound down.  Thats still good but I want more.  I want more than 3 pounds….6 sounds good.  lol …..ad unhealthy I suppose.  Im hoping and praying for a big whoosh for TOM almost being gone.  Aye AYe aye.   Its my first mini-goal and I know Im not going to make goal…it makes me really unmotivated.  My original goal was 257 but then I upped it to 259 when I realized I wouldnt be losing 4 pounds every week.  Perhaps I should stop making minigoal deadlines and just go by weight.  I may do that for the next goal….

Ben and I are going on a bike ride today!  Im REALLY excited.  I didnt realize until last night how extremely bored I am getting on the treadmill.  Im only on 6 weeks so eep…thats no good.  Anywho…we go to the park and do 14 miles and it takes us a good hour and 15 mins or so if we dont stop. 

I decided last night that since it is my 6 week mark and Ive done considerably well the last month and a half that Im going to go out tonight and have a schlotzkys sandwhich which is around 700 cals and then were going to go get ice cream.  Its my free night.  I feel somwhat bad having decided that especially since Im feeling extremely nervous about weighing in today but ehhh.  Something high cal and horrid for me might trick my body again.  lol 

I’ll check in later and post my weigh in, if I must….

=)

Ive been skipping days blogging lately.  =(  Ive also skipped a couple days of entering in my calories…

Am I slipping?  I still feel like Im gun ho on doing this and getting rid of all this weight but Im just not being as strict as I was the first 4 weeks.  I know its normal.  Its not “new” anymore and thats when most people start slipping back into old habits and slacking off but Im vowing right now that Im ABSOLUTELY NOT going to slack on putting my food into Fitday.  I really feel like thats what keeps me on track.  I love blogging but and it keeps me accountable because I know some read it but I can say whatever I want.  So if I want to talk about something besides the fact that I went over calories I can.    Whereas in fitday Im putting in the facts and Im getting the result.  So if I overeat and enter it in its right there in front of my face calling me a fatass when my cals are at 1800 instead of 1500….unless I lie but thats pointless.  Blogging is enjoyable and somewhere I can vent where as fitday is my no BS motivation.  lol  I hope that makes sense. 

With that being said…I will TRY and update my bloggy everyday but Im not going to freak out if I miss a day here and there.  Its the calories not being counted that worry me!  lol

So a bit OT from my weight loss…I took my puppy to get nuetered Wednesday night.  It was so sad.  He’s feeling better today but its MISERABLE in that cone thingy.  =(  My bestfriend/sister is a vet tech and happens to be dating the vet there so he did it for me.  They let me stay back there with him which Im sure was extremely comforting for him.  They put his little IV’s in his legs and then let me hold him…then after so gave him the anesthesia I got to hold him till he fell asleep.  It was so cute.  The surgery was kinda gross….especially after the vet slung his testicles on the table next to him but Im glad its done.  ALthough I cant speak for Harrison….eep!

I FINALLY got a call back from one of many seasonal jobs Ive applied for.  I hope I get it!!  I have an interview tomorrow.  Being broke sucks!  Ben and I rolled all of our change today…we have 72 bucks.  Its pathetic.  Im looking forward to having thay paycheck coming in so we’re not so stressed out and can actually go do stuff! 

Alrighty…I guess thats all I know!  Court is home from school for the weekend so we’re going to work out to The Firm.  I think I’ll really like it once I get the steps down.  I used my weights with it for the first time last night and it felt good!  =) 

I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!  Stay Strong! 

I wanted to write about something last night but I dont remember now what it is….hmmm?

I had weigh in last night and came in at 263.  Yay!  I was expecting worse although Im glad I got it back down.  I think its ridiculous that I got down to 263 a few days after last weeks weigh in and then I jumped way up and barely got it back down to last weeks 263.  My weight keeps doing that…although last week was my birthday so atleast I didnt gain!  Atleast I can really say good bye to the 270’s!  Wohoooo! 

One of Bens friends is sending me copies of a few workout videos!  Im excited to get them and change things up a bit.  Ive been jogging for small amount of time on the treadmill the last few days.  I cant wait to be able to just run for as long as I want! 

I guess I dont really have anything to say….just wanted to check in.  =) 

Hope everyone has a fantastic Wednesday! 

Hope everyone had a great Halloween! 

I just got back from the gym…did 46 mins on the treadmill and did some weights and situps after.  Ben and I talked alot and it was nice.  =) 

My food pretty much sucked today.  My father wanted to take me out today for my birthday.  We ended up deciding on mexican.  I ordered the chicken fajitas.  I ate like not even half and then my dad had some.  It was so yummy.  I did have about 5 chips but better than the whole bowl I used to consume!  =) 

After lunch we headed to the mall and he bought me a pretty silver necklace.  We walked around a bit and decided to go see a movie.  We saw Saw VI.  I love all the Saws.  My dad hasnt seen any of them but he wasnt too grossed out. 

So when I got home I ate my leftovers….so ALL Ive had today is chicken fajitas.  Opps.  Im hoping thats why suddenly the scale is up like freakin 5 pounds?!?!?!  WEIRD!  Considering yesterday I weighed 263 and today it’s almost on 268.  I dont know whats going on there but it must be the freakin mexican.  gerrrr.  It better be magically gone when I weigh in on Tuesday or I am going to be one UPSET chick! 

Ben did say he noticed that my thighs were smaller and he can tell Im losing weight!  WOHOO!  Its not just me and my mom that can tell!  haha.  He also mentioned that it looked like my boobs are getting bigger!!!  Uhhh, I didnt notice that but perhaps since Im losing around my waist it makes them look bigger?  It would be FANTASTIC if everything shrunk and my boobs got bigger.  IN MY DREAMS!  haha

Alrighty…I must go to sleep.  I need to wake up super early and study and do homework.  Boooo.  =( 

Have a great night!  =) 

*EDIT*  I just figured it out while typing in calories.  The chicken and everything was okay…its the sodium for the fajitas that killed my weight.  2080!!!!  WTH, thats so much.  My body doesnt do well with sodium…same thing happened a few weeks ago with a bag of popcorn at the movies.  The sodium was high and the next day I had a drastic weight jump.  Soooo cross your fingers that Tuesday will be okay!  Im drinking 5000 ounces of water tomorrow to flush it all out hopefully.  haha

Goodnight! 

Or dont…I just got done working out (twice!) and they probably smell awful.  hehe

So yesterday was my birthday!  24!  Eck!  I did REALLY good all day…I knew I was having atleast a couple glasses of wine later in the night and also knew I was going to have mexican with the family so I budgeted my calories quite well.  I had a chciken fajita salad with no guac and salsa for dressing.  Yum!  

So I got to the restaurant last night and my mom actually noticed that I had lost some weight.  She didnt know I was tyring to lose but she was like, “Oh look at you, someones slimming down”.  It felt good that someone besides me can tell!  haha  Anyways…after we all ate my mom gave me a gift bag.  Usually she just hands over some cash and a card so it was making me curious about the bag.  I opened it and low and behold….a gift bag FULL of twix, snickers, and starbursts…all my favs in one bag!  haha  THANKS MOM!  =P  She did apoligize right after I looked in it and said if she knew I was trying she wouldnt had tempted me!  So it was all fine and dandy and I passed out candy practically to the whole wait staff!  haha  I had a little left in the bottom of the bag that was brought home.  It sat on the dining table for a while.  Then my friend came over with wine and a movie and we chatted.  4 glasses and a drunk Veronica later there were 6 wrappers on the table.  haha  I felt SOOO bad…especially after I posted how “strong” I was being with the temptation.  I cried.  It was awful.  So all together for yesterday I had about 2000 cals.  Not horrid but oh the fat.  I said good riddance to the rest of the candy left and sent it to work with Benny today.  =P

SO after freaking out and working out TWICE today I weighed myself……yea, I lost another pound!!!!!!!!  WTF! WTF! WTF!  haha  My body likes to have these once a week binges apparently.  Geesh.  lol….it just doesnt like popcorn and shots (see post a couple weekends ago).  Ive upped my calories to 1500 this week too so that may be helping?

For my birthday I got money, money, candy, wine, a dvd rack, 3 old school nintendo games, The Firm, and a veggie steamer!  Woot.  I did pretty good minus the candy and wine.  lol  =)

I did The FIrm for the first time today and had a hard time.  She does alot of weird steps and by the time I *almost* have the hang of the footwork they throw in the arm stuff and the cam zooms into her upper body so then my feet get off step and I ended up just dancing around the apt really.  haha  It’ll be nice when I can add in my weights…which is why I wanted it to begin with.  3 lb weights would be more helpful than my 5 lbs for this dvd too.  Hmmm!

Well, thats about all I know!  I hope everyone had a great Halloween night! 

Ta Ta  =)~

Holy cow!  Its like 845 and Im wake.  Ive made and had breakfast, walked the dog, got dressed for the gym, and brushed my teeth!  This is rare for me….VERY RARE….and I LOVE IT! 

I really do love waking up in the morning and getting going.  Its so refreshing especially compared to yesterday.  Ben and I went to bed at like 4 and then I didnt fall asleep till 5AM and then of course I didnt wake up till 3 in the afternoon yesterday.  Im SOOOOOO not productive with my day on days like that.  I didnt do ANYTHING I needed to do yesterday including school, studying, or going to the gym.  Blah! 

Anyways, Today is a new day and Im going to the gym bright and early!  Speaking of gyms….I dragged myself off the couch last night and went to the fitness center while walking Harrison.  I jumped on the scale and low and behold I lost another pound.  I really have NO IDEA how after what I ate for dinner Tuesday night.  I made this homemade alfredo sauce using heavy whipping cream (50 cal per every tbsp!).  I had bought it before I starting “getting rid” of my weight so planned to go OP.  I figured I havnt decided completely on my own to “cheat” in 3 full weeks so it was my splurge.  I regretted it…and its all Ive been thinking about.  Losing another pound def eased my mind but Its ABSOLUTELY not going to become a habit.  Eck!  The only things I can come up with on why I might have still lost is the fact that I drank a crap load of water yesterday or that my body just needed that extra fat/cal  intake.  Bumping my calories up to 1500 is probably going to do my body good so lets just hope I can actually get up to 1500 again.  lol 

Okies, off to the gym!  I hope everyone has a fantastic day with good decisions!  =)