My loss is my gain!

So I have always been this chubby kid.  Always just a little bit bigger than my friends and peers.  When I got into middle schoo,l I started playing sports and joined athletics.  I lost some weight and was pretty healthy.  At that point I was just “big boned”.  ha.   After a couple years of well enjoyed sports I tore my ACL.  After two knee surgeries the weight started piling on.  I had a pretty stressful few years through highschool with my homelife and slowly started gaining weight.  By the time I was a young adult I was very full figured and hated it.  Ive done every crash diet possible and with each pound lost I gained 3 back. 

A couple years ago a friend from work let me borrow a book called, Body for Life.  I went in strong and it was my most successful attempt to lose weight.  I wasnt starving myself, I was working out, and I was losing weight…the healthy way.  I lost 20 pounds of fat and gained quite a bit of muscle.  My body fat went from 43ish to 33ish.  (I need to dig out my BFL journals to get the accurate numbers!!!)  But anyways…I was doing great!  …Until I went on a week long trip to Texas to visit family.  That meant Memaws and Aunt Charlets homecooked meals and fast food.  Although I was addicted to coworkers, clients and friends randomly telling me how good I looked and the fact that I felt soooo good about myself, I got off the wagon somehow.  I gained the weight back plus some.  Since then I have felt the worst I have ever felt.  I feel incredibly ugly, fat, and out of shape. 

I am now almost 24 years old and I am sick and tired of being fat!  I can see my body changing in front of my eyes and I despise the way I look.  I cant believe my boyfriend, which I just moved in with, wants me.  I dont even want myself.  Nows the time to do this and do it right.  I wont nothing else in the world more than to lose weight, be happy with my body, and most importantly to be healthy!  Im taking one day at a time and Im going to do this!