My loss is my gain!

Oh how I missed my blog yesterday! 

A quick catch up…..over the past 2 days I have ate chicken enchiladas and popcorn and taken a few shots.  Holy Moly!  haha  I just feel FAT today.  I feel like Ive failed and honestly I havnt even ate HORRIBLY or anything.  But ohhh how the movie popcorn has freaked me out!  haha  I failed temptation and that is why Im FAT. 

Ok, Im being overly dramatic but I just feel….I dont know…weird. 

Ive done good with workouts.  Friday I worked out twice really.  I did my hour on the treadmill and then I did 2 miles of a walking video with Court.  Then yesterday I did like 25 mins or so with my dumbells but feel icky without the cardio.  Weird. 

I have a HUGE fear of failing at this.  Of getting off the wagon and gaining these 9 pounds back plus more.  I DONT WANT TO BE FAT ANYMORE!  I HAAAATTTTTTEEEE  IT!  Ive just failed so many times before and I dont want to again.  I dont know.  Im just being super fat and weird today.  I cant even explain it.  =( 

I guess instead of sitting here feeling fat and fat Im going to go work out!  YESSS!  Here I go! 

I decided to sit down and write out all of the reasons I want to lose weight!  I know theres so much more but these just came in my head. 

• To be skinny
• To be able to shop in normal stores w/ cheaper clothes!  Woot
• In hopes my repaired knee will stop killing me
• So I can go to sixflags or the fair and be able to fit COMFORTABLY in the rides
• To be able to run
• To make my family proud
• To be able to have children one day
• Summer dresses
• So my legs wont rub together anymore
• So I can bend over and paint my toes normally
• So I won’t feel so self conscious
• To be a role model and inspiration
• SKYDIVING!
• So I will feel pretty and beautiful
• To gain confidence
• No more disgusting pictures
• So I’ll have more energy
• In hopes that I won’t be so hot natured anymore
• To prevent health issues
• So I wont get out of breath from climbing one flight of stairs
• So I’ll be able to wear heels without taking them off every 5 minutes
• To be able to put on a swimsuit and not feel embarrassed
• To get out of that obese category
• I want to be able to ski, run, kayak, backpack, mountain bike and whatever else I feel like doing that I can’t do at 277 pounds!

I absolutely cant wait to be able to mark all of these off my list and accomplish these things!  Im determined to do what I need to do and am not going to give up. 

Holy Moly that 10 days flew by! 

Its REALLY late and my BF is desperate to go to bed but is waiting on me so I’ll be short and simple!  I just REALLY didnt want to skip a day blogging.  Once you skip a day blogging then you’ll skip a workout or 2 and then you’ll allow yourself to have 4 rolls of yumminess at Texas Roadhouse and that just cant happen!  Speaking of which, I went to my first restaurant tonight!  Wanna guess what it was?  TEXAS ROADHOUSE!  haha  I did really well I think minus all the red meat but I loved every bite of it!  I had a house salad with oil and vinegar, a side of mixed veggies, and then Justin and I split the 11 ouce sirloin.  It was delicious.  I even told the waitress I didnt want any butter on my veggies or anything so woot….although I forgot to 86 the cheese on the salad.  Its ok though, I havnt had cheese practically since I started this so its not going to kill me.  Oh, I had unsweet tea AND NO ROLLS!  It was such a huge accomplishment and I almost gave in quite a few times but thanks to Courtney I was able to hold out and Im glad I did. 

Courts home for the weekend so after Ben got home we headed to the gym.  I had some issues with my left leg cramping which totally sucked and was frustrating but I gradually got my incline up to 8 and my speed up to 3.2 without any pain.  haha  Im just so use to going in there and busting ass although I typically spend more time stretching out and adjusting before I start increasing levels.  Ehhh, I got in 52 mins and am glad we made it tonight!

I also went and got my hands on some 5 lb dumbbells so Im going to start working out with those while watching tv or something.  I really just want to start toning.  It eases my mind regarding the whole sagging skin that may be an issue in the future!  I just hope preventative measures pay off in the end!

Oh and I decided to jump on the scale real quick after my workout annnnnnd its at 269.1!  Woot! 

Alrighty…not so short but Im done!  =) 

Hope everyone has a great day!  Stay Strong and yay for BFF’s being home! 

Howdy yall!  hehe 

So Im been sitting around all my on my rump being unproductive and lazy.  It kills me that somedays I just CANT get off this couch!  I know…I REALLY know that if I would just go to bed at a decent hour and wake up BEFORE 3 PM I would be so much better off but its so hard.  I hate hate haaaate Ben’s schedule!  Him not getting home till 1230am is brutal.  It wouldnt be nearly as bad if we had the will power to go to bed by 1 or 130 but it never happens.  Im lucky if we go to sleep by 3.  Its not like Im sleepy and fighting it.  Im wide awake and have no interest in sleep and hes def not sleepy when he gets home.  He wants to sit and relax some at home.  I just get pumped up when I know he’s coming home.  Gerrr.  Its so frustrating.  I keep saying Im going to bed earlier and getting on schedule but I dont.  Buuut Im going to try again because I hate being such a bum. 

I accomplished getting way freaked out about saggy skin today and also depressing myself by measuring my body so I can start logging it.  When I lost some of my weight before I took measurements somewhat close to when I gave up on it.  I expected to be about the same…even though my weight went way up since then I just figured since my clothes still fit, barely but they still fit, that they would be pretty close or a lil higher.  They arnt.  They are INCHES higher.  WOW!   

It makes me feel horrible about not going to the gym today!  Gerrr.  I shouldve went but I wanted to give my blistery heels a break and wanted to clean the apt.  Ehhhh!  Its just so depressing to see those numbers!  But Im going to try to think about the fact that Im losing weight now and Im not giving up this time.  Im going to get back to those measurements and then WAAAAAY past that!  Im going to be skinny dangit and Im going to start toning myself NOW so I DONT have saggy skin!  I refuse to have saggy skin…its not an option for me!

I just wanted to check in and say that I worked out tonight for 60 mins on the treadmill and got in 1300 calories.  I didnt do too terrible.  Never am I eating pork chops again…or atleast a whole peice.  It was an unbelievable 454 calories and crapload of fat!  Yikes!   Tomorrows a new day though and I’ll make it even better!

Bens been home all day and we havnt done anything but school. work out, and eat.  We were supposed to clean but I think working out earlier in the day wore us out.  Im tired as could be which is odd for me bc Im such a night owl so we havnt got anything done.  Oh well!  He should relax on his day off anyways!  =) 

I need to def start working on drinking more water!  I know it makes all the difference! Eek!

I dont know anything else though!  Sooo so long and stay strong! 

Oh its a happy day! 

Today went pretty good.  I woke up early and got all my meals in.  I had around 1200 cals today.  I really am going to start trying to get more protein and less carbs.  Im getting alot of carbs daily and not enough protein for my liking.  Although I must be doing something right because today was my week mark so I weighed and I have lost 6 pounds!  Im so happy.  TOM is here visiting too so I thought it would be lower but I guess if he wasnt around I might have lost a pound or 2 more.  This is very encouraging! 

I cant remember what Ive wrote in here but I decided on a shorter mini goal (it will be each 6 weeks) so by November 10th I want to be at 257 which is losing 4 pounds a week so Im already ahead of the game!  Woot!

I also worked out tonight with Ben for a little over a hour.  I did the treadmill for a hour and weights for a lil bit.  I walked faster tonight at an incline and felt really good and not so out of shape/breath. 

Anywho, till tomorrow so long!  =)

Stay Strong! 

Howdy all.  Day 6 went well I suppose.  I ended up sleeping till 3 and it kills me…its really does but I dont think about it like that when Im sleeping. 

I promised my cousin and her kids last week I would go visit today.  So before I went I made a salad with diced tomatos and onion with balsamic vinergerate topped with a can of tuna.  So yummy! 

When I called my cousin to make sure we were still on she told me they were having roast, broccoli, and mashed potatoes.  Awesome…I can work with that.  A little background:  My cousins house is FULL of junk, sweets, sodas, chips, and anything else that is horrible for you 90% of the time.  So I called just to make sure I didnt need to take anything with me AND ALSO TOLD HER I WAS COUNTING CALORIES AND LOSING WEIGHT.  So when I get there I turned down the soda offered and got water.  Then for dinner there was in fact roast, broccoli, and potatoes with the broccoli smothered in a ton of freakin cheese and the mashed potatoes smothered in butter.  So I ate a dab of each side and a peice of roast.  AFter dinner I was asked twice if I wanted dessert, then SHOWN the desserts (brownies, cookies, other sweets), and told there was ice cream.  I decided I would just get an ice cream sandwhich.  They were tiny and 100 cals so not horrible but then when I got it out of the box I was asked if I was sure I didnt want 2.  NO I DONT WANT 2.  I DIDNT WANT THIS ONE.  I just dont understand why they would shove it in my face and put me in such a situation when Ive already told them several times throughout the visit that Im counting calories and trying really hard this time to lose weight.  I dont get it.  It really fustrated me.  It felt as though they were determined I ate a freakin dessert and I know had it not been for them offering it to me several times I wouldnt had chosen to eat it. 

On top of my (second) night of temptation Im scared to go to the fitness center alone tonight since its so late.  Ben and I went last night at 2am.  The lights were off, the radio was blaring, and when I turned on the lights there was a huge man working out alone.  It scared the crap out of me.  Im just so glad I wasnt alone because I dont know if I wouldve felt obligated to work out (which couldve put me in a scary situation) or if I wouldve had the guts to turn around a leave.  We stayed and started working out and it was still really freaking me out because I could see him looking at us in the reflection of the windows.  I was going back and forth on whether Ben could take him on or not.  lol  So hopefully we can go tonight when Ben gets home around 1230.  I just hope Im not sleepy.  I dont know if anyone else has this problem but if Im sleep I absolutely dont want to work out…unless its in the morning when I wake up. 

Hello!  So tonight wasnt as bad as I thought it was going to be at all. 

Memaw made me a yummy sausage sandwhich on wheat for lunch.  I requested no cheese and no mayo.  (Around 325 cals)

So after a very good wedding ceremony…that made me ansy about getting my ring (cough)…We went down to the reception.  I decided slightly before that I should be able to not be completely obsessive while trying to enjoy the reception so I laid off a bit, although perfectly conscious of not to be a pig.  I passed up the chips, got a tspn scoop of sour cream, guacamole, and pico de gallo.  Then I allowed myself 1, oh so delicious flour tortilla, a couple peices of chicken fajitas & veggies, and a small portion of benas, and that was that.  To drink I had like 3 tiny glasses of wedding punch.  I actually did go back and have 1 more tortilla and some more chicken,  and pico de gallo.  But overall I was impressed with my meal. 

What killed me tonight was…..dun dun dunnnn….when they had cookies and icecream catered for dessert.  You got to go up, pick the kind of cookie and the kind of ice cream, and then they made like a little yummmmy ice cream sandwhich.  I perhaps couldve stayed away from it but I havnt treated myself in 5 days.  I havnt slipped and Ive worked out and I wanted it dangit.  Besides the fact that all the skinny pretty girls were eating them…I was jealous and wanted one.  Pfft.  I kept my total overall calories today below 1400.  WOhooo! 

Im going to the gym for a second time today just to make sure Im okay with my decisions above.  I hope working out justifies the dessert.  =) 

Till tomorrow, so long!

I just worked out for a hour on the treadmill @ +/- 3.2 MPH with a high incline.  I feel good! 

I got in a light breakfast this morning (egg whites and fruit) to prepare for my temptation tonight.  Mmmm mexican food.  Im already drooling. 

I *might* have weighed myself again today.  haha.  I need to stop even though Im liking what Im seeing.  I really want to get to Tuesday and see a big jump to keep me excited.  So Im *NOT* weighing myself till Tuesday!!!  

Im going to throw down a little salad before I head over to memaws and hopefully keep my total cals under 500 for breakfast/lunch so I have some room for that mmm sooo tasty mexican food.  **drooling again**

OK!  Have a great day everyone!  Stay Strong!  =)

So its 1 AM.  I FINALLY got up and actually ate dinner and then went to the fitness center shortly after.  I had a good workout.  I did a hour and 3 mins on the treadmill with a pretty big incline…6ish, 7. 

Its sooo hard to get up and get moving when Im in lazy mode but Im so glad I did.  It was worth it.  I gave in too after my work out and weighed myself.  My official weigh in is on Tuesdays but ehh.  I was please to see that I went down a little more than 3 pounds.  I was totally not expecting it since I didnt work out yesterday but yay!  I hope I can keep that up.  If I can then by Tuesday I’ll have 5 or 6 pounds down and that would be absolutely amazing! 

My food today was good…I think.  Since I woke up so late this afternoon I didnt really have time for all the meals I planned in fitday so my cals for today were under 1000.  Obviously this would be unhealthy on an average day but Im telling myself its ok since I slept so late.  =P 

Soooo, Tomorrow is going to be my first obstacle!  I have a wedding to go to and with that comes the reception and catered mexican food.  I LOVE mexican food.  Its going to be so so so hard to choose something thats not going to make me gain those 3 pounds back!  And thats if they even have a healthy options.  Im really worried.  Not only that…Im going to my Memaws before and who knows what shes going to offer me.   Ecck!!   Im getting in a good workout in the AM just in case! 

Oh…and it REALLY sucks that none of my clothes fit!  What the heck am I going to wear?  lol