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Predictable

I continue to do what I’ve been doing most of my life…I begin a diet (for lack of better word), I stick to it, I lose weight, I feel great, I slack off, I gain weight, I give up, I gain weight back and sometimes more!

After all these years you’d think I’d “get it”.  I’ve mentioned lifestyle change in the past but don’t think I really understood what that meant.  I’d say the words but not live by them.  My last big goof was a few years ago when we had a weight loss contest at work.  How motivating!  I had already been losing weight, so my expectations weren’t too high that I’d lose very much.  I proved myself wrong my consistently winning challenges and helping other members stay focused and on track.  Where did I fail?  Well,  I started off eating right, walking daily, and I joined the gym.  I started to slip when my other team mates were not making their walking goals and I decided to be a hero and walk steps for them.  It started off innocently enough, I thought I’d only be adding a few thousand steps here and there to help out.  Boy was I wrong.  I was walking 10,000 steps for me, 3,000 steps for another girl, about 3-4,000 for another team mate, and then another 1,500 or so for another.  It got to the point I was walking an average of 20,000 steps a day (about 10 miles/7 days a week).

I became obsessed with not only meeting my goals but helping everyone else out with theirs.  I wanted our team to win, and our steps were calculated on a total basis.  Near the end some people weren’t even trying to meet their goals.  They gave up, which pushed me even harder.  That’s all I did, all day, walk, walk walk.  Walking on breaks, lunches, in place, up the steps, down the steps, at home, up the street.  I started walking miles to the grocery store.  All to get those steps.

I can’t argue the weight came off.  But at what price?  About a week into this I hurt my leg.  Strained a muscle pretty bad.  I didn’t care, I walked through the pain.  I dealt with massive pain in my leg for over a year.  Even when I eased off on walking it still hurt.  How many nights I couldn’t sleep.  Even now it’s hard for me to sleep on that side.

In regards to my weight, I had never thought I’d get under 200 lbs.  It was always my plateau weight.  This time around I got down to 175.  Phenomenal!  On my 5′10″ frame I felt I looked the best I ever had!  Once I eased off on exercising it all came back though.  I didn’t get on the scale but within a few months I was no longer anticipating fitting into those size 10 jeans, I was barely squeezing into the 12’s.  I had the 12’s so stretched out I finally had to break down and buy a new pair of jeans and ended up in a 14.  14’s were still OK to me but it was a big indicator that I was gaining weight.  I finally had a reality check when I had to go back to my 16’s.

So here I am…older…wiser?  I hope!  There is part of me that wants to bust out and start walking a million miles a day to get back to 175.  I’ve been stuck at 189/190 for a couple of months and sometimes I think this is just the weight my body is meant to be at.  Having had a taste of 175 I want it again though!  It wasn’t just the number it was everything that came with it…my clothes fit, after years of being largely ignored I’d have men open doors and pay me compliments, and mostly I felt confident and free!  I was suddenly in a body I wasn’t ashamed of.  Sure I wasn’t perfect but I felt wonderful!

I’m in the midst of this journey now, and with spring/summer fast approaching I’m just trying to keep a level head and understand what my goals are.  I want to lose weight, but I don’t want to hurt myself to get there.  No number is worth that!  I just want to feel confident, wild, and free again!!!

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Bat Wings (oh I’m back too!)


LOL I know I’ve posted about this before as many others have too. I just had to share this…

I’m ashamed to admit I’ve always been resistant to toning exercises. Maybe because my first time on them I realized how truly weak I am. You know when you set the weights to 50 lbs only to realize you can barely do 10?! I finally realized that I was approaching this the wrong way. See when I was at my highest weight and started cardio and walking it was “hard” and “I didn’t think I could do it”, but I pushed myself a little each day and proved that I could do it!

So for the past 3 weeks I’ve adding toning exercises to my routine. Nothing crazy just slowly adding it to my routine and trying to increase bit by bit. Well last night I’m getting ready for bed when I notice my arms in the mirror. Are they incredibly fit and tone now? After only 3 weeks? **** no! BUT, I did notice my bat wings appear just a bit toner, not so flabby, maybe just maybe sometime soon ready for short sleeved shirts! Honestly I had given up on them many years ago. I figured they would just always be an “eye sore” and now I’m realizing I do have the potential to improve their appearance! I certainly don’t expect them to look perfect (yes I have stretch marks, loose skin, etc.) but honestly though they look so much better!

I probably should of started this out by saying…I’m back!  Fell off the wagon, but here I am again.  I figure this is self evident though.  I’m hovering around 190/189 and am working to get back to 175.

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Am so ashamed…:(

I’ve really lost control.  I still eat “good” foods but haven’t been keeping track and exercising like I should.  I jumped on the scale and have gained a good 10 lbs.  I’ve been thinking about what I’m doing wrong and decided I have to start logging my Fitday again, I have to get back on my exercise ball (I’ve still been walking), and I have to stop cooking so many goodies and then indulging in those goodies!  I did invest in a good pair of Curves walking shoes (the kind with that’s supposed to work your muscles more while you walk), and I did buy another exercise ball after my last once got a hole in it.  I also need to start drinking more water.  I’m sure some of my weight gain is water retention.  Even though there is ton of snow out there Spring is just around the corner and I want to start it off with a bang!  When I’m able to buy spring/summer clothes I want to be smiling not crying!

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MIA

This humid weather has been kicking my butt.  I haven’t been exercising as much the past couple of weeks.  My pants fit a bit tighter so although I haven’t gotten on the scale I KNEW I had to get back to my plan.  Starting today, I ate a very sensible breakfast (1/2 arnold flat bread, 1 serv egg beaters, 1/2 slice cheese, lettuce, and 1 t dressing).  I also walked for 30 min at my favorite track, so I feel like I’m really heading in the right direction.   Later today I will bounce on my exercise ball to complete my workout for the day!

I don’t crash diet but do like to occassionally make cabbage soup (LOVE the taste!) and just use it as a filler with the other things I eat.  I know it really only helps you shed water weight but since I pair it with a 1/2 sandwich for meals I know I’m still eating well and getting filled up on less calories.

I didn’t weigh myself today but will do so tomorrow.  It’s hard seeing the #’s especially when they creep up on you but life is about facing facts and then moving on!

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Down some more!

I am now down to 191!  So great just 2 more #’s and I’ll be in the 180’s.  My Friend Susan told me at work today that I looked great the way I was and didn’t have to lose anymore weight.  I was beaming :)  Of course I know what my goal weight is so I’d definetly like to lose some more.  My size 14 pants are getting a little lose around the waist.  I used to pull them out of the dryer and they’d be a bit snug and I’d have to stretch them out a bit.  Now the fit fine out of the dryer AND by the end of the workday I’m tugging them up!  What a great feeling.  Little things like this are what motivates me to keep going!  I have NEVER in my life fit into a size 12 so that’s what I’m working towards now.  I”m not sure if my goal weight of 185 will get me to that size but we shall see.  As I’ve said before I might lower my goal weight by 10 more lbs, but for right now 185 is my goal.

I’d like to buy some toning cords out of my paycheck this week.  I found some greating toning exercises for the arms and legs in a magazine and can’t wait to try them.  I know I can’t tone “skin” but I feel if I could build the muscle underneath it would all around improve the appearance of my saggy arms.  I also have a sag between my legs and would like to try some exercises to improve that.

I haven’t given up hope on my belly but my expectations are low knowing there is only so much you can do to tighten those areas.  Currently most of my excess fat is stored there (yeah I know that’s bad) but I know if I keep dropping weight it’s about the only place I could continue to lose—other than my boobs!!!  Oh god I hope I don’t lose them!!!!  That would be horrifying!

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WOW!

I am now down to 193!  I really think upping my exercising is helping boost my weight loss and get me out of that darn plateau that’s been plauging me for the past couple of months.  I walked 35 min today and rode my bike for 45 min!  Whew my legs didn’t hurt from riding my bike but my upper body was straining.  I didn’t realize how much it takes out of you to balance a bike.  It feels so good to work out some new muscles.  Who knows maybe I’ll develop some muscle tone in my arms!!!!

I ate more carbs today than I should have–due in part to that fact that I thought my protein bars were at work and here I was out, so I ate snack crackers instead and they are just loaded with fat and carbs!:(  I still have my supper to eat tough and I plan on eating chicken and zucchini and will eat no more carb rich foods for the night, so I think it’ll all balance out in the end.  In the meantime, I’m sitting down to a nice cool water, I think I deserve it after that bike ride!

Update:  Did another 45 min bike ride with my son.  Wow, is my a** sore!  I feel great though for doing it. 

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Down another lb!

I’m at 193 lbs now!!!  I really uped my exercising yesterday.  Got up early and walked by myself, then walked with my son while he rode his bike, then I walked with him a second time while he rode his bike, and then last night around 10 PM ET he wanted to take a night walk!  What’s great is I didn’t kill myself.  Each time we walked it was more like I made a choice.  Instead of sitting in front of the TV I went out for a stroll instead.   Instead of my son playing video games he rode his bike. 

I noticed something today that put a little smile on my face.  Well, I got that squishy belly thing that drives me nuts!  I stand up it hangs forward (ugh!) I lay down it spread out, and if I turn from side to side it promtly falls here and there.  I noticed this morning when I got up my gut was hanging to the side but it looked less like “molten lava” hanging from my mid section and more like one of those 16th century paintings where woman had softly rounded belly.  Now don’t get me wrong, it definetly still hangs, and I’m not ready to pose for any portraits anytime soon ;) but I can see a definite improvement.

I have plans to exercise more today and will post later!!!

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Walked again!

I took my son riding on his bike around the neighborhood.  We were out for about an hour.  I couldn’t ride my bike as the tire was very low on my bike but I walked beside him.  He’s just learing to ride a bike so I spent a lot of time bent over helping him steer and giving him “boosts” up the hill.  I also had to carry his bike up our huge hill and bake down it when we were done.  I think I definetly got a workout!  I’m going to see if my neighbor can put some air in my tires so tomorrow I can get up early and ride tomorrow.  I like to go when it’s super early so the sun isn’t so darn hot!  We had a great time, can’t wait to take him again.

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Up early today…

Well I’m actually up early every morning but today I got up early, walked for 28 min and enjoyed a soyburger for breakfast–Yum!  I walked in a new area today and I liked the fact that it’s on a small grade, so I could feel that slight incline and it made me feel good that I took my walking up a notch (even if it’s just a small notch!)  I also used my exercise ball for 10 min last night.  Not breaking any records here but every little bit helps!

I seem to be getting back in my grove.  Once I got under 200#s I swear it’s like I had to take a break.  I still ate good and got in my minimum of exercising but I stopped pushing myself to the next level.  I really don’t think that’s a bad thing, just needed a break and I felt like my body needed time to adjust. 

I keep visiting the 3FC site and am amazed to see people who are similar height and weight to me and I think to myself “Wow, they look great!”  Then I think, “Do I look like that?”  I think we always magnify our own flaws and have a hard time looking at ourselves and saying that we actually look OK.  I Don’t want to become conceited I just think I need to look at myself in a more positive light and not focus on my flaws, I need to focus on what’s nice about me…like my newly discovered collarbone, my high cheekbones that are finally showing through, etc….I also have to focus on the fact that a year ago I was fighting to get into 22/24 pants and now I’m in size 14.  I’m starting to take more care with the way I look trying to dress nicer and be more feminine.  I used to live in jeans and tennis shoes, and yes they are still a staple, but now I have some summer tanks, sandles, dressy tops, and dressy shorts in my wardrobe. 

I’m making baby steps here but each one takes me closer to my goal.

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How could I forget!

I have never been comfortable in anything that exposes my arms because of my bat wings.  I picked up a few tank tops on a whim and put them on the other day.  Now, I’m still not super happy with my arms but I realized that they don’t look that bad!  On a very positive note I think my collarbone looks quite nice and I actually think those bones detract from my arms!  Now I’m not ready to go out in public yet but I’ve been wearing my tanks inside the house (never did that before) and even ventured outside and talked to my neighbors.  Honest to goodness I wasn’t struck dead!  No one laughed or pointed!  I’m super excited about making this plunge and just makes me feel so good and confident in what I’m doing!

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