I continue to do what I’ve been doing most of my life…I begin a diet (for lack of better word), I stick to it, I lose weight, I feel great, I slack off, I gain weight, I give up, I gain weight back and sometimes more!
After all these years you’d think I’d “get it”. I’ve mentioned lifestyle change in the past but don’t think I really understood what that meant. I’d say the words but not live by them. My last big goof was a few years ago when we had a weight loss contest at work. How motivating! I had already been losing weight, so my expectations weren’t too high that I’d lose very much. I proved myself wrong my consistently winning challenges and helping other members stay focused and on track. Where did I fail? Well, I started off eating right, walking daily, and I joined the gym. I started to slip when my other team mates were not making their walking goals and I decided to be a hero and walk steps for them. It started off innocently enough, I thought I’d only be adding a few thousand steps here and there to help out. Boy was I wrong. I was walking 10,000 steps for me, 3,000 steps for another girl, about 3-4,000 for another team mate, and then another 1,500 or so for another. It got to the point I was walking an average of 20,000 steps a day (about 10 miles/7 days a week).
I became obsessed with not only meeting my goals but helping everyone else out with theirs. I wanted our team to win, and our steps were calculated on a total basis. Near the end some people weren’t even trying to meet their goals. They gave up, which pushed me even harder. That’s all I did, all day, walk, walk walk. Walking on breaks, lunches, in place, up the steps, down the steps, at home, up the street. I started walking miles to the grocery store. All to get those steps.
I can’t argue the weight came off. But at what price? About a week into this I hurt my leg. Strained a muscle pretty bad. I didn’t care, I walked through the pain. I dealt with massive pain in my leg for over a year. Even when I eased off on walking it still hurt. How many nights I couldn’t sleep. Even now it’s hard for me to sleep on that side.
In regards to my weight, I had never thought I’d get under 200 lbs. It was always my plateau weight. This time around I got down to 175. Phenomenal! On my 5’10” frame I felt I looked the best I ever had! Once I eased off on exercising it all came back though. I didn’t get on the scale but within a few months I was no longer anticipating fitting into those size 10 jeans, I was barely squeezing into the 12’s. I had the 12’s so stretched out I finally had to break down and buy a new pair of jeans and ended up in a 14. 14’s were still OK to me but it was a big indicator that I was gaining weight. I finally had a reality check when I had to go back to my 16’s.
So here I am…older…wiser? I hope! There is part of me that wants to bust out and start walking a million miles a day to get back to 175. I’ve been stuck at 189/190 for a couple of months and sometimes I think this is just the weight my body is meant to be at. Having had a taste of 175 I want it again though! It wasn’t just the number it was everything that came with it…my clothes fit, after years of being largely ignored I’d have men open doors and pay me compliments, and mostly I felt confident and free! I was suddenly in a body I wasn’t ashamed of. Sure I wasn’t perfect but I felt wonderful!
I’m in the midst of this journey now, and with spring/summer fast approaching I’m just trying to keep a level head and understand what my goals are. I want to lose weight, but I don’t want to hurt myself to get there. No number is worth that! I just want to feel confident, wild, and free again!!!