263.4 Re Re Again + Fitbit and Lose It: Never Give Gonna Give [me] Up

I’m baaaaack!  It is official.  I am done with WW.  It does not work for me.  I just haven’t followed through on the online version and I am tired of paying for something I don’t use.  I have been good about weighing myself but tracking points… not so good.

Still I refuse to give up.  I must “health” (not going to use that D word) or die trying… literally.  I started using the Lose It app on my iPad last week and just got a Fitbit.  Using the Lose It app was very easy especially scanning the foods I ate.  Restaurant meals are trickier and I think there is more chance to fudge on calories.  Speaking of calories.  I really like the way it uses calories and not “points” which WW seems to change the calculation formula of periodically.  Calories are calories.

I am going to try using the Fitbit to try to increase my mobility.  Bottom line:  6 months of WW vs price of Fitbit.  I am willing to try it since exercise is such a challenge for me and I know that that is my downfall.  I was going to the gym until various life changes threw me off track (or I let them throw me off track).  Bottom line:  not going to stop trying. : D

reality check

255.2  this morning.  Starting a new week. Enough said.

Looking Up

251.9  Good progress this week.  Watching the “points” count paid off.  Super tired today after springing forward but resisted urge to stop for drive-thru take-out bs food, didn’t make a pit stop at the gas station for a Big Grab of Fritos, didn’t turn off to go to DQ for a big ass vanilla cone, pull into 5 Guys for a little burger with a “small” fries, or pause for any of the other food “rewards” I have given myself in the past.  Went home and had a boca burger (precooked and seasoned - smart of me!) on a toasted flat round and a chocolate Luna bar (nutritious alternative treat) and stayed on course.  Woo hoo!

Got to keep in mind that food is fuel not a reward or a way to “pleasure” myself after a hard day.  Relaxing is a reward.  On track for another good week and that feels like a reward in itself.  I have finally lost 20 lbs and it has taken a year and been a step forward step back kind of thing but that is okay as long as ultimately my cumulative motion is forward.  Yay me!

It’s Complicated - 258 lbs

Wishing it was that easy….

So, I went off my reflux meds and relapsed and got back on them but it turns out that my insurance company would only let me have half the strength I had been taking.  I figured this out a week after going back on the pills when they were working intermittently and I finally checked the dosage and discovered it was for 20mgs instead of the 40 I had been taking.  Turns out my insurance company is not going to pay unless I go through a lengthy appeals process and win.  My doc wrote me a script for the name brand, Nexium, but it was fifty frickin’ dollars a pop and it turns out my insurance company will ixnay that after 90 days. All things considered, I figure it would be easier to just quit taking the drugs and make MAJOR diet/lifestyle changes to compensate for their loss than deal with the hassle of trying to get them paid for when I really don’t want to take them anyway.

I have come up with a plan of action which involves careful food choices and not eating past 5ish in the PM.  I have been trying this out for a week and it seems to be working.  I was feeling pretty ill when I started (ate something spicy and cheesy which prompted me to investigate the dosage info on my prescription after I got sick).  A diet to control reflux is a lot more restricted than a diet for someone taking the meds.  No chocolate, caffeine, or mint which relax the LES.  No greasy or spicy foods which ramp up production of stomach acid.

I think I am going to be better off in the long run and it has really helped me manage my eating in general since I am not eating at night.  I actually finish eating for the day before I get home on most days.  I am taking 2 vegan Boca burger sandwiches and that is my basic food when eating away from home.  I have also been eating bananas and had some green beans tonight.  I need to cook some stuff ahead to take but haven’t gotten around to it.

I am eating two scrambled eggs and 2 oz of cheese on two slices of toast for breakfast each day.  My food intake is basically and inverted pyramid and I eat the Boca sandwiches and other stuff in small mini-meals throughout the day.  By the night, I am satisfied and have not felt hungry yet.

Weightwise, my weight shot back up to 262 and then down to 255.5 and back to 258.  Overall, my reflux diet plan is lower in calories and more structured than the way I was eating and I am hoping to get more good results.

I am learning to research food and other stuff that I put into my body carefully.  Did you know that eucalyptus oil and menthol aggravate reflux and so most cold lozenges are off limits.  Halls makes a non-mentholated lozenge (Breezers)  which do the trick.    I am working hard to make lemonade out of this situation… just can’t drink it.  Citrus fruits and juice are a reflux no-no!

Truly, Morbidly, Obesely: My Wakeup Fall

9 years ago I weighed 260 lbs and I joined a gym and I joined Weight Watchers and I lost almost 50 pounds and was way healthier and then sh!#, excuse me, I mean life happened and I fell off the wagon and stopped exercising and starting eating crap and so on and so and the weight began creep, creep, creeping back up.  I endured 9 months of failures at WW weigh-ins which frequently included the lovely extra of having the staff member weighing me giving me sour, disapproving looks, as she filled out my booklet, which now charted my rising weight gain instead of loss.  I finally got tired of the shame and gave up on WW completely.  At the time I had a lot going on in my life (grad school, full-time employment plus a couple of side jobs, and family commitments including a wayward teenager and two intermittently ailing parents with assorted cancers, heart problems, and other issues).  I figured I would tackle getting healthy when things settled down.  ”Things” didn’t ever really settle down and I am now 9 years older and just as overweight as before and noticeably more unhealthy; arthritis in feet, knees, neck, and other places, frequent hip pain, some back pain, high blood pressure, and reflux.  The other day I had a pretty bad fall when I tripped on a broken piece of sidewalk and I can’t help but wonder to myself, “If I was healthier (i.e. stronger and trimmer), would I have been less injured or maybe even avoided the fall?”

So, here I am.  I definitely don’t want to go back to WW, even though I lost weight while OP last time and my doctor has suggested several times that I go back.  I just feel too turned off by WW even if it did work for me when I followed the program and had a nice sense of community (especially in the online forums).  My big issues with WW are that it was a constant financial drain (membership dues and WW swag and foods) and encouraged too much of a “true-believer” mentality.  First off, I think it is a total double-speakin’ lie that WW is not a diet.  Weight Watchers is a diet.  Fact.

Then there are the meetings.  I do not want to go to them again, ever.  When I first joined WW, I tried to be all enthusiastic about them and get in the spirit, clapping for other members “success” and raising my hand to trumpet my own.  In the end it was majorly depressing to listen to the WW newbies’ chirpy tales of a joyous .4 pound loss while on vacation (whoopty freakin’ do) while my weight was going up no matter what I was doing.

Next proverbial bone (or bones) of contention:  the leaders.  They generally had just a leetle too much of gung-ho,  culty vibe for my taste.  I did really like one of my WW leaders who, I think, had been a real fat girl before WW.  She seemed to have an ongoing struggle with food especially peanut butter.   At the time I quit, she was “in trouble” and on some kind of WW “probation” for being over her “Goal” weight. I can easily imagine her being subjected to a WW court martial by the bone leaders who only lost 15 pounds to get to their “Goal” weight and will never really understand how it feels to be truly morbidly obese.

Another issue with trying to redo my previous WW thing is that while doing WW, I ate a lot of low-cal “Frankenfood” in order to stay in my points range.  I have moved away from eating that kind of over-processed stuff in the last 9 years.   I am not even sure if I want to even mess with the points system because  I have gotten rid of all the cookbooks and WW stuff that I bought last time and don’t want to to go backwards.  I think I am going to use the old timey method of counting calories, fat, fiber, etc.

My current dietary thing is to eat food that is as all natural and low-processed as possible.  I eat a lot of organic food and very little meat.  The majority of the meals I fix for my family are vegan.   I think if I just write down what I eat and count calories and EXERCISE (I will rant on that later cause it is my biggest issue) and can do this thing.

I visited 3FC before and I have always liked the site.  I think I can find the support community thing here.   I am going to use My Net Diary to count calories and stuff.  I joined that before Christmas but have been fooling with it on an intermittent basis.  It has an exercise log section, too.  I also plan to join a gym.

Well here’s to the next year!  I hope to chart some success based on my own best efforts to really change my lifestyle for good and not just temporarily while I participate in a “program” that I am pretty sure, based on past experience, that I will eventually lose interest in.