Today I completed w1d1 of c25k!!! And it wasn’t difficult at all. I’m not skipping ahead though because I don’t want to rush this. It IS frustrating, though, looking forward to being able to just - go for a run for half an hour, instead of this, ok gotta turn on the right music, gotta get the app going, gotta make sure it stays going, gotta listen for the dinger to tell me when to walk/run. Oh well. The new shoes are nice, but I’m still worried about getting shin splits again. I just hope the weather stays nice enough to keep up with this.
Ugh. That’s all for now, it’s bedtime for me. Back to the school grind tomorrow. Only 9 more weeks of this shit, thank god. I am so, so done.
Posted on April 11th, 2010 by srosa
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I’ve been watching Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution and I LOVE IT!!! I think he is doing such a great thing for America, and a very, VERY necessary thing. Tonight I watched the episode where he has to get 1000 people to learn a meal, and it was such a sad episode - every time I see that girl say her dr said if she doesn’t change her ways, she may only have 5-7 years left to live, I just get all choked up. And I’m glad that freaking radio dj came around. I have a whole big long rant about him that I yell at the tv every time he comes on. The dog thinks I’m nuts, I swear.
Well, today I finally got my new running shoes. My friend Heather got some too, so we’re going for a walk/run tomorrow afternoon! I am FINALLY starting up c25k!!! Wish me luck. I’m excited and a little whiney about it at the same time, but the first week was pretty easy from what I remember. I live on post, and the airfield here is 4 miles around. I’m hoping that by the end of this program I can just run around the whole airfield for my workout. Heather is really really tiny and in shape, but she’s also really encouraging and is never anything but exceptionally supportive. Soo, that’s my update, and today I’m grateful to have such a truly supportive friend like Heather to help me out. Hopefully I’ll update again tomorrow night with the results of W1D1 of c25k! 
Posted on April 11th, 2010 by srosa
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So it’s been awhile since I’ve updated. A LOT has been going on, but now that things have settled down I want to get back into my blogging routine, because I think it really helps me stay on track.
This past weekend was awesome. My best friend was staying with me, her boyfriend pretty much stayed the whole time too (fine by me, he’s nice) had a little party Saturday night and we all had a great time just drinking and talking. We also went out to eat a lot, but I managed to maintain my weight, so I’m still feeling pretty good about it. Yeah, I didn’t lose, but as long as I didn’t gain I’m ok. Particularly because that weekend was nowhere near my norm. Actually, one night we got pizza (a LOT of pizza, 70 bucks worth of pizza, I about shit myself when the delivery guy showed up) but I only ate 3 slices total of mine, and ended up throwing the rest out. *Normally* I would feel as though this were a waste, but right now, my health is worth the waste.
Of course, Monday came around and my two best friends both moved away that day, one to North Dakota and one to North Carolina. One goodbye right after the other really sucked, but I let myself mope for a day or two and now I’m moving on. I still have one good friend left here, at least until she moves away too this summer, but by then at least I’ll have my husband back. It’s hard not to be jealous of her because her husband is going to be home for our college graduation. I really, really wish DH could be there. It’s one of the biggest moments of my life, and I just wish he could be there to share it with me. I’m having my mom record it for him so at least he can see me walk, but it’s not the same. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it!
So I was right in that school is keeping me so crazy busy that it is easier not to go snack-crazy, but it’s also keeping me so busy that I really don’t want to bother with cooking “real” food. I’ve got to crack down on this and figure out a good routine, as food-wise I do very well with a strict, regular routine. I don’t care if I have to eat the same thing for breakfast and lunch every day, and dinner I *might* alternate between 3 meals, but really that’s the extent of my effort. I’d rather save my energy for working out, which I also need to crack down on. It seems on here I’m always talking about “getting back on track” but I swear, I DO actually spend most of my time “on track”, I just tend to blog when I’m straying from my plan because it helps me refocus. Just so you aren’t reading this thinking man, this bitch needs to quit talking about getting on track and just DO it. I think my day(s) off from exercising are going to have to be school days. Much as I’d like to have a real weekend, by the time I get home from school some days and get assignments done, I’m ready to just collapse into bed out of sheer mental exhaustion (hence not wanting to put much effort into cooking). I’m thinking on mondays and wednesdays when I only have my afternoon class, I will get up early and work out BEFORE class, so that when I can home I can just chill and not feel guilty. Sadly, this won’t work tues/thurs because I have to get up at 9 am anyway, so if I were to work out first, I’d have to get up at 7, and that’s just not gonna happen.
I STILL haven’t started c25k. I know, excuses, excuses. I WILL start this program, as being able to just “go for a jog” is one of my long-term goals. I just wish the weather were better. It turns out my friend H and I have MUCH more out-of-class homework than either of us predicted (we’re both in the same business capstone class) so somehow I don’t picture the gym routine happening. Right now I just wish I could find some extra source of energy, because I feel constantly drained, and it’s frustrating. I take a multivitamin and iron, which helps a little, but really not enough. I usually get an absolute MINIMUM of 7 hours of sleep, usually 8-9, so I know that’s not (or shouldn’t be) the issue. I’m tired of feeling tired all the time. I know it’s not depression, either, because I’ve dealt with depression before and it definitely hasn’t recurred. I don’t know. I’m going to ask my gyno about it at my next dr appt, and hopefully she has some ideas without me having to make a whole separate appointment with my pcm. Other people don’t seem to be this constantly tired and drained, this can’t be normal.
Anyway, so that’s my update. I’ve managed to keep up on my goal of not eating in bed (it’s a 30 day challenge but I can’t remember what day I’m on right this minute, I have a ticker on my ipod for it) except for one night, but I was drunk and completely forgot so I don’t count that lol. I want to work out every day this weekend, to take advantage of the free time. I think if I can cram in an extra long workout on saturday or sunday I’ll let myself only do 5 days a week instead of 6, because tues/thursdays are just horrendous without trying to factor in a workout. We’ll see. I’m just ready to graduate already. Oh well. Only 9 weeks left of school! YAY!
Today, I am grateful that DH and I are lucky enough to be able to afford for me to not work and just focus on school, because I don’t think I could do all of this schoolwork AND try to hold down a job. So thank you to DH, for working so hard for the both of us. I love you sweetheart.
Posted on April 8th, 2010 by srosa
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School is back in gear and CRAZY, and my two best friends here are moving away in a couple days. I invited a whole bunch of people over tonight and once today rolled around…nobody’s coming. To top it off, I got to chat with DH this morning, and instead of making me feel happy and excited like it usually does, it just made me feel more disconnected with him than ever. He can’t really tell me about his life, and I have nothing to say about mine. There’s only so many times you can repeat “I love you, I miss you…” I miss having him HERE. I miss having a shoulder to lean on. I miss being able to bitch about something to him, have him make me feel better, and then listening to his problems and helping him feel better. This sucks. I feel like I have fucking nobody right now. I miss him and I’m worried when he comes home he won’t be the same person. I just want my husband back. I’m sick of just trucking on all by myself. Blah.
Posted on April 3rd, 2010 by srosa
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Ugh. For once I got to sleep early, but the whole thing was ruined when I had a dream that DH was dead. I’ve had these before and they never fail to ruin the following day. I mean, at least this time I didn’t dream about the actual knock at the door (which always makes me jumpy) because in the dream he was already dead, but still. Damn. So I started off the day in a very, very bad mood. Luckily I just have the one class today, but still. All I want to do is curl up in a ball on my couch and cry.
Ok, plan-wise, I’m hoping to get a quick workout in between getting home from class and my dog’s grooming appointment, but that depends on if my friend and/or her boyfriend are home when I get home. I do so much better at this when I’m living alone, but I don’t want to pause the whole process for a week just cause I have a house guest. If they’re not here I want to do WATP, if they are here, I’ll give the elliptical a shot. I really want to get SOMETHING in, though, to make up for yesterday.
All righty, I already have homework to do (can we say GAG ME!) so I’ve gotta get on that and get to school and hope that I don’t cry in between there somewhere, cause I don’t want to show up to class with puffy red eyes.
Heading off, but remembered to add this one thing that was brought up in my interpersonal skills class yesterday about things that help a person be more optimistic, and a little more optimism is something I could use in my life right about now, so at the end of each post I want to write down something I’m grateful for. I’m sure I’ll repeat myself a lot but whatever, apparently it works.
This morning I am grateful that I have my baby girl Sadie, so I’m not completely alone through this whole deployment.
Posted on March 31st, 2010 by srosa
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and it’s only the second day of school! I didn’t end up working out today, but my gym friend H and I made solid plans to go to the gym tomorrow afternoon, so I’m sure I’ll make up for it tomorrow somehow. There is just SO much to do. I’m thinking thursday is going to have to be my rest day workout-wise. Or Wednesday. I’ll figure it out at some point.
I can’t believe how crazy my schedule looks for this quarter. It is going to be really, really, crazy INTENSE. I suppose at least maybe that will help the time fly.
I’ve kept up on the no eating in bed challenge so far. There’s my update for tonight, I’m exhausted, I have to go finish reading these articles for class and then BED!!! omg, am so tired. I had better be able to sleep well tonight, I think the lack of a deep, restful sleep is starting to get to me.
Posted on March 30th, 2010 by srosa
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…Risk is an awesome game. Just had to say.
So yesterday was sort of a funky day. I had plans to meet up with my friend and her boyfriend for dinner, so I had a small breakfast and skipped lunch and snacks so I could enjoy dinner and stay within my calories for the day (don’t worry, I only eat out MAYBE once a month, more like once every 2 months, this isn’t a regular habit of mine). It was delicious but honestly I felt sort of sick afterwards, either because I’m not used to eating that much in one sitting anymore or because of the non-healthy food I’m not sure. Either way we had a good time.
Then I was supposed to go home and work out, but instead I went up to friend’s apartment with her, her bf, and one of his friends and had an AWESOME evening. We had drinks and played Risk by the fire. After my horrible afternoon and hurt feelings, it really helped to hang out and feel part of the group. I invited them all over to my place Saturday, and I hope they come. These things have a habit of falling apart at the last minute, but we’ll see.
Today I am on plan with food and hoping to get in an extra-long workout to make up for yesterday when I get home, but we’ll see. I haven’t been sleeping well these past few nights because of the whole trying not to eat in bed while I read right before bedtime, and apparently my body just doesn’t want to go to sleep unless my stomach is stuffed to the brim with food. And then last night I didn’t even lie down until about 3 am, MAYBE tried to go to sleep about 4:30 am, and I had to wake up at 7. Ugh. My brain just feels foggy. Plus I have homework. HOMEWORK! It’s the first two days of class!!! Thank you, senior year. I want to really settle into a good routine this quarter though. I’m getting nervous about being on my own food-wise. I just don’t enjoy cooking to begin with, and when it’s just me to cook for it’s really, really hard to force myself to actually *make* a real *dinner*. Maybe I will have to go with my previous snacks-for-dinner idea. I’ll have to think about it.
My friend is coming to live with me for a few days to a week in between her move, so I’m also keeping my fingers crossed that I don’t go nuts food-wise. When we get together I tend to sort of let loose and forget about what I SHOULD be doing. I’m going to “plan to be off-plan” Saturday night, but other than that I’m going to really try to stick with it. I am SO CLOSE to being under 200, and even closer to just losing my first 20 pounds (which really, doesn’t 20 lbs sound so much better than 17 lbs) that I don’t want to mess this up.
Posted on March 30th, 2010 by srosa
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and right now I’m really miserable. Don’t worry, I’ll get over it soon enough, but right now I need to whine.
UGH!
Ugh, ugh, ugh. Soooo this particular class (capstone) is basically one GIANT group project. We all work in groups on this project the whole quarter, and it’s worth about 70% of our grade. Well, I signed up for this *particular* class time because I had a couple other friends taking it and thought, oh, that’ll be nice, then I won’t have to be in a group with a bunch of strangers.
Wrong.
Guess my *friends* got together and formed their own group and signed up. Which is fine, except none of them told me about it, thus not giving me enough time to switch classes to another time. Great, so now I feel like the kid picked last in gym. Really, I feel really pathetic right now. I ended up in the “leftovers” group. You know the one - the professor says “everybody get in your groups, and anybody who doesn’t have a group yet come up to the front” and we were the leftovers. I mean, to be honest, the group will probably be fine, we’re all graduating seniors so you can’t exactly slack your way through this program. But damn, I’m going to have to spend SO MUCH time with my group this quarter, I just wanted to be with friends. Meanwhile I don’t think they even give two shits about me, which is oh-so-comforting. My two closest friends (none of the non-group “friends”) are moving away this coming week, so these people are all I have left here. Wonderful. I’m that desperate chick at the edge of the group trying to fit in.
I’m pretty sure I have “LAME” stamped across my forehead in permanent marker right now.
Ok, now my pity party is over, I promise. Just have to have one once in awhile so I don’t go spreading the misery. Tomorrow should be a lot better because I have one of my favorite professors, and I get subway for lunch, and we all know how obsessed I am with my subway. I’m going out to dinner tonight with my friend and her new boyfriend, which should be interesting (can anybody say 3rd wheel?) but he sounds funny and I could use an evening out of the house. I need to work out today, but we aren’t going to dinner until 7, so it’s going to be really late. I’d do it now but I don’t want to change, get all sweaty, have to shower for the second time today, and then REDO my hair (which is a big giant pita to do in the first place, it’s so damn long and frizzy) and makeup. I am WAAAY too lazy for that right now, lol. So I dunno, I guess if we don’t get back too late I can just hop on the elliptical while I watch Idol, and shower tomorrow morning before school. I really enjoy my WATP dvd, but I wish I could do the steps and watch something else at the same time. Like, if she would just have a dinger every time she switched from steps to kicks or whatever, and then I could mute everything but the dinger, that would be perfect. Then I could put WATP on my laptop and watch TV. Boredom is always what kills me during workouts. If anybody can figure out how I can manage to do this, that would be amazing. I think our tv has picture-in-picture but I’m not sure how to work it.
That’s all for now. Updates tonight.
Posted on March 29th, 2010 by srosa
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I am VERY thrilled with today. I got on my elliptical and did my full 40 minutes! Yay! And I did NOT go out and buy the big bag of chips that I was thinking about all. damn. day. Actually I had an apple earlier that made me feel REALLY full, so tomorrow night I’m going to have one right before bed to see if it helps me feel less STARVING as soon as my head hits the pillow. I love fruit.
I really enjoyed Ruby tonight. Having her talk about not really seeing herself in mirrors struck such a chord with me. It’s not that I didn’t know I was fat before. I was (am) WELL aware that I am fat. But for some reason, when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t SEE myself as fat. I knew the number on my jeans, I knew the number on the scale, but I didn’t look fat to myself. Certainly not thin, but I didn’t look like 225 pounds FAT. To me. I always thought I was just a freak. You know, everybody always talks about losing weight and not seeing themselves as thin as they are, or always seeing themselves fatter than IRL. And here I am, with the opposite problem. I always chalked it up to…I don’t know, vanity? Now I feel like maybe it was just willful blindness. So now when I’m looking in the mirror, I try to pay more attention and REALLY look, and I think this is helping me see what I *really* look like. Sure, sometimes it’s discouraging, but Ruby has a point - you have to look at reality.
Plus, hopefully when I see pictures of myself I won’t FREAK OUT that I look totally disgusting. That was one of the early catalysts to this - I saw a picture of myself - that, coincidentally, dh loves and keeps with him, I think it’s actually his computer background right now - and I was MORTIFIED. Had I really looked like that all along?!? Why didn’t anybody TELL me how horrible it was?!? I was actually embarrassed that I’ve been wandering around this long looking like that without doing anything to change it. It was a truly awful feeling, seeing that and thinking, holy. crap. THAT is what I look like. Ugh. I feel slightly nauseous just remembering that moment.
Soooo school starts tomorrow, as I’m sure you know, since I’ve been whinging about it for days. I should really hit the hay, but I don’t want to, because it will make tomorrow come that much faster. I’m not ready to turn my brain back on yet. I’m not ready to get out of bed early again. Noooooo nononono no no no no no. *stamps feet*
It should be interesting. It’s my worst/most dreaded class (capstone) but it’s the one I have with my friends. We’ll see how it goes. I suppose ONE thing I am looking forward to is how much time flies during the school year. And I really think it’s easier to stick to my diet/exercise plan as well, because I’m not simply sitting around all day being lazy and daydreaming about all the junk food I would eat if I had my husband’s metabolism.
So that’s that. School tomorrow. Blah.
Posted on March 28th, 2010 by srosa
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Ok, so I never updated how yesterday went. I mostly stayed on plan. I did about 20 minutes on the elliptical before I just had to stop. It wasn’t that physically demanding, I just wasn’t mentally there. Yesterday was a weird day. But I’d rather not FORCE myself to do a workout. Instead of strength training I took the dog on a nice long walk since it was so sunny and warm out. She looooved getting out of the house and I think the fresh air helped me too. So exercise-wise I still consider yesterday a success. I stayed on plan food wise up until dinner, when I just felt like having snack food. It seems I just get extra snacky in the evening. So that’s what I did - had a bunch of snack food for dinner instead of my main meal. It was healthy food though and I stayed within my calorie budget, but still got to sort of feel like I was cheating without actually cheating. I’m going to see how tonight goes and maybe this will become a regular thing, with lunch being my real MEAL meal of the day and dinner just being a bunch of healthy snacks.
I also have to add in here that a few days ago I started a little “30 day challenge” for myself - to not eat in bed, for 30 days straight. Eating in bed while reading is my absolute worst habit, and I want to see if I can break it. Let me tell you - the first night, I barely slept at all. I was tossing and turning because all I could think about was getting up and getting food and bringing it back to bed with me. But I didn’t, and the subsequent nights are getting easier. I really want to put an end to this habit. I think long-term it would just be so much better for me. It’s strange, learning how to sleep on a non-stuffed to the brim-stomach. I kept having to remind myself that I wasn’t *really* hungry, and that I’d get breakfast in the morning same as always. Anyway, so that’s how yesterday went, now on to today!
Today is my last day of spring break! I’m so sad to see it go. I woke up this morning and thought, can’t I just fast forward to June 11 (graduation)??? PLEASE?!?? Sadly, it didn’t seem to work. I have senioritis BAAAAD. I am just exhausted and mentally drained and just DONE with school. I love college, but really at this point I’m just done. Thank goodness I only have the one quarter left.
Well, I weighed in this morning at 208 pounds. One pound down, which I’m thrilled with given that I was only strictly on plan about 3 days out of the whole week. Seeing the number tick closer to 199 is also pretty exciting.
Today’s plan is to eat breakfast, do as many WATP miles as I can manage, and do my 30 minute strength training video (biggest loser power sculpt, I love it). Shower etc….stay on plan, and enjoy my last day off! I think I’ll do some scrapbooking today. And Ruby is on tonight. I loooove her show, she is such a great inspiration. Maybe I’ll run out to target and pick up the latest chapter of Greek, as well. Hmmm. So much to do, so little free time left!!!
Posted on March 28th, 2010 by srosa
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