the unskinny girl

Sorry for my absence this week. It’s been a really rough week. Not diet wise…. Emotional wise. My cousins wife passed away this week,at the age of 30. Leaving behind a one year old and three year old. Both children were at home at the time of her passing,and she passed away from a blood clot. that was in her leg,and traveled to her lung. I am just so incredibly heartbroken for my cousin and his 2 young girls. I won’t go into much more detail as the story just gets worse and worse about the events leading up to her passing,and afterwards. It’s just an absolutely horrible situation. Every waking thought I have is about this situation. I have not been focusing on diet at all. I’m still eating totally properly. The worry of gaining or losing,is certainly not in the forefront of my mind. I’ve stayed completely on track. I just don’t care what the scale says at the moment. And I’m on my period and my weight is never accurate then anyways. I always say its a really good thing that I’m not an emotional eater. Or else I would certainly have gained by now. Sorry for the somber post,but that’s pretty much it for what’s been going on with me.

Well I finally weighed myself this morning,I’m sitting around 210 now. However,aunt flo will be arriving probably today. So…. That would explain some bloat. I’m not to worried about it right now. Would love to see 205 after my period though. That would be nice. Last weekend I saw a friend I haven’t seen in a while. She was my work out buddy for 2 years straight before I started WW. We were still working out when I first started WW. She saw my progress in the beginning. Then our schedules just didn’t work out anymore. Both of us,never lost a pound from our workouts. I know now that no matter how much I worked out,my diet was obviously not as good as I thought it was. Anyways….we’ve kept in touch and have seen each other here and there. She knows about my progress. We both started out at 280,I am now 208-210 and she is still sitting between 270-280. She brags all the time about how much she works out,and healthy she eats. Which is clearly not the case,and I have told her many times to join WW as it clearly works! She comes up with excuse after excuse. Well…. She saw me this past Saturday,and she was actually like mad at me for my success. Which I know is just jealousy. I understand that completely. But don’t sit there and get mad at me,when you could join WW and be where I’m at to. She has the motivation for sure. She jut doesn’t understand the value of her food. And I didn’t either. Hence the reason for joining WW! My mistakes were not lack of exercise,it was not understanding the value of my food. So instead of sitting around pouting about me losing weight. I wish she would just join WW. I know she would be successful at it.I guess it just bothers me that she was so jealous.

I didn’t just fall off the wagon this weekend. I took a flying leap,landed in the ditch,and watched the wagon go off into the sunset! Friday I ate really well. But we then had to go to a party,and I drank my face off. Saturday,I had a sub,not horrible,but could’ve been better. We house reno’d all day Saturday. My parents were there helping us,so,again,we ordered food. Fried chicken and pizza. I ate to much of it. Yesterday I had a sub again,lol this time a foot long,with everything bad on it! Geeze!!!!!! We NEVER eat out this much. EVER! We just really haven’t had time to cook. After this week,we should be slowing down with the renos. We’re almost done all the important stuff. The rest o it can wait. I didn’t even weigh myself this morning…. I didn’t want to see the damage. Lol so I will maybe just weigh myself tomorrow. I’m gonna have to be super good this week. Although my monthly friend is planning a visit in a day or 2 so…. That’s alway a nice 2-5 pound bloating gain.

Yup,down another pound today. I’m sooooo hoping this trend continues. Initially 206 was the first number that flashed on the scale. I almost had a heart attack. Then it settled on 208. I’m going to assume my weight will fluctuate up again soon. But seeing that 208 is very motivating! I don’t have much else to say today…. But I just wanted to share my 208 victory!

Ok so I stepped on the scale today and -drum roll- 209!!!! I guess you ladies were right,I just needed to rest a couple of days,get my stress levels down. That is 3 pounds down! Only 10 more pounds until I see that 199. I’m (for lack of a better expression) going to shit my pants when I see 199. I have NEVER told my family what I have weighed. They know how much I’ve lost,but I’ve never told them what my start weight was. I’m really thinking about sharing this monumental moment with them. To get under 200 pounds is a huge deal. This motivates me a lot. 10 pounds! 10 POUNDS until I reach my first real goal. Seriously,I have never had goals along the way. For me,goals leave me disappointed,not motivated.  I only think ten pounds at a time,which I guess is still a goal lol.  But way way way in the back of my mind 199 was a goal for sure. My next goal after that was always 180. Which is still 11 pounds overweight. I should be 169 apparently. And that’s the highest end of the bmi. I’m gonna assess how I feel about myself @180. If I’m happy at that weight. I think I will try to maintain at that for a bit. Who knows! I might still want to lose more. This belly of mine is STUBBORN!

Soooooo I’m feelin a little discouraged. After all this work we put into our house. The physically exhausting activity made absolutely no difference on my weight. In fact, I gained a pound. Wtf? I hadn’t weighed my self due to the fact that I had no batteries. I was very upset when I saw that number on the scale. My calories in….. Were FAR less than calories out. I went into old habits yesterday,I got so discouraged,I just ate whatever the hell I wanted yesterday. Which I know was a mistake. Today,I am back on track,but still feeling defeated. I seriously thought I would’ve lost at least a couple of pounds through this process. Grrrr!!!!!!!

On a happy note,we are all moved into our house! And it looks great!!!! Soooooo exciting to own your own home! We still have work to do. But at least now it’s not a race to the finish! We can do things at our own leisure! My mom is a machine,and wants to get everything done ASAP! She phoned me yesterday because she wanted to come paint the doors. I was like um…. No mom,we need a day off!!!! I was soooo not ready to paint again! Lol I have lots of blogs to catch up on! I’ve been way to busy to read them! My apologies if you haven’t gotten a comment lately!

So for exactly a week that is how my days have gone…. I go to work,then go do work at our new house. Come home shower,then straight to bed. Eating has not been a priority at all. There is just no time for food. Lol. Oh,and the husband and I have tried to fit in baby making there somewhere lol. That just feels like an extra chore right now.  We are coming in on the home stretch of the renos. Flooring is all in. Painting is all done. With the exception of one hallway. Baseboards are all painted. Light fixtures are in. We still have to paint and sand the doors. Sand and paint the kitchen cabinets. And a million more things. But the main stuff is all done! So hopefully we can start moving our furniture in so I can clean and pack,in our current house. We have until Friday to get out. So we’re cutting it close. I’m not gonna lie,the fact that I haven’t had an accurate weigh in for a while,gives me a little anxiety. I like to know how much I weigh every single day!!!!!! It holds me accountable. I am also curious to know if I’ve lost anything from all this activity and lack of food! Although lack of food generally doesn’t work for me with the weight loss. Oh well…. I will get batteries soon!

So I finally thought to weigh myself this morning. Unfortunately,I think my batteries are officially on their way out!!!!! So I dont know how accurate my weight was this morning. I had to be fast when stepping on the scale,as to see the reading before it turned back off. It said 214. But I know I didn’t gain 2 pounds. If anything I should’ve lost 2 pounds. I should’ve looked to see what kind of batteries the scale needs. As I’m at work with nothing to do right now,I very well could’ve stopped by the store to pick up some batteries. I would be a little disappointed if my weight has actually gone up. Cause,I have been doing house renos since last Wednesday. I should be burning significantly more calories than I have been taking in! So I’m ignoring the number on the scale from this morning. As I really do not think that that is a reliable number. On a good note,my husband works construction and he’s having a rain day off today,so at least he can work on getting in the flooring all day today. That will be exciting to have that done. Dang,these house renos were fun at first,now I’m just sick of them lol. I just want to get everything in order and actually move in now!!!!! We have until friday to get everything done. So the crunch is on. I think when this is all over,I will sleep for 20 hours straight. Lol we are so exhausted from all of this. But,even when we move in,there is still a ton of stuff left to do. At least then,we can do I at our own leisure. Tonight I’m going to start sanding down the doors,and paint all our baseboards and window trims. I think I’m gonna spend tomorrow just focusing on finishing packing and cleaning the place we are currently in. Then there should be some light at the end of this tunnel!!!!

I am sooooooooo exhausted! House renos are going great! But we worked our asses off this weekend. We were putting in 14 hour days at our new house. Really hustling to get it ready. I actually have been to busy to weigh myself. So I have no clue what my weight is at. I had full intentions of weighing myself this morning. But I was so tired I didn’t think of it until I was fully dressed and had had some water. So… I will try and remember for tomorrow. Eating wasn’t to bad this weekend. I did have pizza on Saturday,3 slices at lunch,2 slices at supper. But that is all I had all day long. I may have been over points,but I never used bonus points so I probably dipped into that. Yesterday,I had to stop by a bridal shower,and I ate there. That’s all I had all day. So I did pretty good. Not to mention being on my feet 14 hours a day. So I would imagine my weight is the same or lower. I would like to find out how many calories I potentially burned this weekend! We still have a lot of work to do this week,and I can’t wait until it is all done!!!!!

I hit 212 this morning. This week has been pretty successful. I don know what I’m doing right? I keep thinking the scale is going to go up. I haven’t had my regular fluctuations this week. Which is great. I’m thinking I will be back up over the weekend. I usually am. I’m really wondering if my intake of extra calories on the weekend has actually been helping me? It usually works when I’ve plateaued,rarely does it work when I was bad 2 weekends in a row. I don’t want to push my luck though. I will do my best to behave. As I’m really motivated by the decreasing numbers. Ooooooh our house renos are coming along great. We’ve gotten soooo much done in the past couple of days. It’s so exciting. I can now almost visualize what it will look like when we’re done. I’m sooooo excited to see it when we put all the floors in,and once the painting is done. My mom and I are going to pick up the paint tonight. Unfortunately we can’t work in the house today. But I’m hoping we get LOTS done on Saturday!!!!