the unskinny girl

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What is wrong with me? June 28, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — unskinnygirl @ 12:34 pm

I seriously have lost all motivation. I’m just 5 pounds away from being under 200 pounds,an I’ve totally stopped all motivation. I haven’t gained anything. But I haven’t lost anything either. I’ve been out in way to many situations where I am not in control of what is being made,therefore I don’t have control about what it is that I am putting in my mouth. Portion control…. Well,I used to have that will power,but it seems to have left me. This weekend is family cabin weekend. That is just an eat fest. I honestly think this pending weekend is what has caused my stand still. I’m anticipating not having control and over eating,so why try now,when I know I will just gain it back after this weekend. My goal is to start completely fresh next week. Hopefully I can jump start this weightloss again. And jump start my motivation.

 

Honesty June 22, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — unskinnygirl @ 9:56 am

So I feel I need to be honest right now. I’ve really been struggling with old eating disorder habits lately. When I first started WW it completely dissolved my purging issues. I’m thinking because I always ate until comfortable,not full. Well I have been sliding backwards a bit in the last month. I don’t throw up everyday. I don’t over eat everyday. But when I get that full feeling,my mind just can’t handle it. Whether that’s being full on a ton of veggies,or something crappy. It’s not what I eat,it’s how full I feel. Feeling full is the trigger. So I need to go back to the beginning and watch my portions,no matter if it’s healthy,or bad food. Like I said,it’s not a daily occurance. But certainly a weekly one. I’m not sure what has caused this backslide. Stress maybe? I dunno. I was doing so well,and thought I had beat that part of my life. But,apparently it can creep back. I KNOW logically that purging helps me nothing. Any weight I have ever lost in my entire life,has been from eating healthy. Puking does not give me any results at all. It never has. It just slows down my metabolism,and brings my weightloss to a halt. I need to trust the WW program,count points,and be mindful of how full I feel. It’s so crazy how I logically know all this stuff. But once that full feeling hits,all logic goes out the window. I need to stop! I will stop now! No more!

 

Good day folks June 21, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — unskinnygirl @ 11:59 am

Well I weighed in at 206 again today. Which is fine. I really haven’t eaten that great lately. Not sure how I’m still losing. I guess I never really eat BAD if I do it’s usually one meal and that’s it. I’m thinking once I hit mainitance this is how I will eat. One cheat meal a week. The rest of my meals relatively healthy. I wish I was maintaining right now. I’m tired of trying to lose constantly. I’m still motivated,don’t get me wrong. Especially since I am so close to the 100’s. That will probably take me a while though. This weekend there are all sorts of activities going on. And the weekend after that is family cabin weekend. Which consists of food all day long. Not healthy food. All bad for you food. And it’s all delicious. I guess I will just have to exercise portion control. If its hot and nice we will be swimming in the lake all day. So that at least burns calories. I honestly thought that summer would be easier to eat healthier than winter. Boy was I wrong!!!!!! The amount of bbq’s I have been to already are insane! I have a massive weakness for hot dogs and chips. Especially chips. It’s my biggest weakness! Oh well. I’m still slowly losing. So whatever I’m doing is working!

 

Blah June 20, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — unskinnygirl @ 7:09 am

I feel kinda blah today. Even though I stepped on the scale and it read 206! Which is awesome. Only a few more pounds to go until I’m under 200! I’ve come to realize that I will totally have loose skin when this is all said and done. Once I’m done having children,and if I keep the weight off. I think i might contemplate surgery for that. It doesn’t look horrible at this point. It might not end up being as bad as I think it will,so we shall see. Im hoping it’s not going to be that bad. It’s not like I started out at 400 lbs here. I wasn’t even 300 pounds. Close…. But not 300 lbs. like I have said many time before,every bit of weight that I carry,is in my belly. So that has been nicely stretched out over time. Ugh! I have tthe funeral for my cousins wife today. So im kinda feeling like all this worrying about extra skin and weight is pretty trivial. Things could be worse…. A lot worse. SO I will just take this time to appreciate the fact,that I have come this far,that I am living,that my husband is living. And life could be worse!

 

What a week…:( June 16, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — unskinnygirl @ 12:58 pm

Sorry for my absence this week. It’s been a really rough week. Not diet wise…. Emotional wise. My cousins wife passed away this week,at the age of 30. Leaving behind a one year old and three year old. Both children were at home at the time of her passing,and she passed away from a blood clot. that was in her leg,and traveled to her lung. I am just so incredibly heartbroken for my cousin and his 2 young girls. I won’t go into much more detail as the story just gets worse and worse about the events leading up to her passing,and afterwards. It’s just an absolutely horrible situation. Every waking thought I have is about this situation. I have not been focusing on diet at all. I’m still eating totally properly. The worry of gaining or losing,is certainly not in the forefront of my mind. I’ve stayed completely on track. I just don’t care what the scale says at the moment. And I’m on my period and my weight is never accurate then anyways. I always say its a really good thing that I’m not an emotional eater. Or else I would certainly have gained by now. Sorry for the somber post,but that’s pretty much it for what’s been going on with me.

 

Good morning June 13, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — unskinnygirl @ 7:50 am

Well I finally weighed myself this morning,I’m sitting around 210 now. However,aunt flo will be arriving probably today. So…. That would explain some bloat. I’m not to worried about it right now. Would love to see 205 after my period though. That would be nice. Last weekend I saw a friend I haven’t seen in a while. She was my work out buddy for 2 years straight before I started WW. We were still working out when I first started WW. She saw my progress in the beginning. Then our schedules just didn’t work out anymore. Both of us,never lost a pound from our workouts. I know now that no matter how much I worked out,my diet was obviously not as good as I thought it was. Anyways….we’ve kept in touch and have seen each other here and there. She knows about my progress. We both started out at 280,I am now 208-210 and she is still sitting between 270-280. She brags all the time about how much she works out,and healthy she eats. Which is clearly not the case,and I have told her many times to join WW as it clearly works! She comes up with excuse after excuse. Well…. She saw me this past Saturday,and she was actually like mad at me for my success. Which I know is just jealousy. I understand that completely. But don’t sit there and get mad at me,when you could join WW and be where I’m at to. She has the motivation for sure. She jut doesn’t understand the value of her food. And I didn’t either. Hence the reason for joining WW! My mistakes were not lack of exercise,it was not understanding the value of my food. So instead of sitting around pouting about me losing weight. I wish she would just join WW. I know she would be successful at it.I guess it just bothers me that she was so jealous.

 

Fell off the wagon! June 11, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — unskinnygirl @ 8:05 am

I didn’t just fall off the wagon this weekend. I took a flying leap,landed in the ditch,and watched the wagon go off into the sunset! Friday I ate really well. But we then had to go to a party,and I drank my face off. Saturday,I had a sub,not horrible,but could’ve been better. We house reno’d all day Saturday. My parents were there helping us,so,again,we ordered food. Fried chicken and pizza. I ate to much of it. Yesterday I had a sub again,lol this time a foot long,with everything bad on it! Geeze!!!!!! We NEVER eat out this much. EVER! We just really haven’t had time to cook. After this week,we should be slowing down with the renos. We’re almost done all the important stuff. The rest o it can wait. I didn’t even weigh myself this morning…. I didn’t want to see the damage. Lol so I will maybe just weigh myself tomorrow. I’m gonna have to be super good this week. Although my monthly friend is planning a visit in a day or 2 so…. That’s alway a nice 2-5 pound bloating gain.

 

208 June 7, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — unskinnygirl @ 12:55 pm

Yup,down another pound today. I’m sooooo hoping this trend continues. Initially 206 was the first number that flashed on the scale. I almost had a heart attack. Then it settled on 208. I’m going to assume my weight will fluctuate up again soon. But seeing that 208 is very motivating! I don’t have much else to say today…. But I just wanted to share my 208 victory!

 

A little excited today. June 6, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — unskinnygirl @ 8:24 am

Ok so I stepped on the scale today and -drum roll- 209!!!! I guess you ladies were right,I just needed to rest a couple of days,get my stress levels down. That is 3 pounds down! Only 10 more pounds until I see that 199. I’m (for lack of a better expression) going to shit my pants when I see 199. I have NEVER told my family what I have weighed. They know how much I’ve lost,but I’ve never told them what my start weight was. I’m really thinking about sharing this monumental moment with them. To get under 200 pounds is a huge deal. This motivates me a lot. 10 pounds! 10 POUNDS until I reach my first real goal. Seriously,I have never had goals along the way. For me,goals leave me disappointed,not motivated.  I only think ten pounds at a time,which I guess is still a goal lol.  But way way way in the back of my mind 199 was a goal for sure. My next goal after that was always 180. Which is still 11 pounds overweight. I should be 169 apparently. And that’s the highest end of the bmi. I’m gonna assess how I feel about myself @180. If I’m happy at that weight. I think I will try to maintain at that for a bit. Who knows! I might still want to lose more. This belly of mine is STUBBORN!

 

A little discouraged June 4, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — unskinnygirl @ 8:12 am

Soooooo I’m feelin a little discouraged. After all this work we put into our house. The physically exhausting activity made absolutely no difference on my weight. In fact, I gained a pound. Wtf? I hadn’t weighed my self due to the fact that I had no batteries. I was very upset when I saw that number on the scale. My calories in….. Were FAR less than calories out. I went into old habits yesterday,I got so discouraged,I just ate whatever the hell I wanted yesterday. Which I know was a mistake. Today,I am back on track,but still feeling defeated. I seriously thought I would’ve lost at least a couple of pounds through this process. Grrrr!!!!!!!

On a happy note,we are all moved into our house! And it looks great!!!! Soooooo exciting to own your own home! We still have work to do. But at least now it’s not a race to the finish! We can do things at our own leisure! My mom is a machine,and wants to get everything done ASAP! She phoned me yesterday because she wanted to come paint the doors. I was like um…. No mom,we need a day off!!!! I was soooo not ready to paint again! Lol I have lots of blogs to catch up on! I’ve been way to busy to read them! My apologies if you haven’t gotten a comment lately!