Size 12 to 6

I have to relearn how to eat. I must, just like a child, learn how to consume food correctly.

Yesterday, after my revelation, I actually googled “how do you know when your hungry?” and everything else along those lines. What I learned through my search:

- Learn to discern appetite from hunger.

I learned that if I am truly hungry, almost anything will sound appealing because my body is looking to consume anything at a point for energy. So today I asked myself during a tempting moment with a burger- “would I eat settle for a piece of grilled chicken breast if the burger wasn’t here?”   the answer was- no. That’s how I learned to discern appetite from hunger today. I obviously was not hungry.

-pepagirl left a comment on my last post  telling me to schedule my meals while I am still learning to eat only when hungry. Something I will definitely start doing. (thanks pepagirl!)

I also googled “gluttony.” According to “Wiktionary” Gluttony is the vice of eating to excess.

Here is something I copied and pasted from Wikipedia:

St. Gregory the Great, a doctor of the Church, described five ways by which one can commit sin of gluttony, and corresponding biblical examples for each of them:^[3]

1. Eating before the time of meals in order to satisfy the palate.

Biblical example: Jonathan eating a little honey, when his father Saul commanded no food to be taken before the evening.^[1Sa 14:29]

2. Seeking delicacies and better quality of food to gratify the “vile sense of taste.”

Biblical example: When Israelites escaping from Egypt complained, “Who shall give us flesh to eat ? We remember the fish which we did eat in Egypt freely ; the cucumbers and the melons, and the leeks and the onions and the garlic,” God rained fowls for them to eat but punished them 500 years later.^[Num 11:4]

3. Seeking after sauces and seasonings for the enjoyment of the palate.

Biblical example: Two sons of Eli the high priest made the sacrificial meat to be cooked in one manner rather than another. They were met with death.^[1Sa 4:11]

4. Exceeding the necessary amount of food.

Biblical example: One of the sins of Sodom was “fullness of bread.”^[Eze 16:49]

5. Taking food with too much eagerness, even when eating the proper amount, and even if the food is not luxurious.

Biblical example: Esau selling his birthright for ordinary food of bread and pottage of lentils. His punishment was that the “profane person . . . who, for a morsel of meat sold his birthright,” we learn that ” he found no place for repentance, though he sought it carefully, with tears.” ^[Gen 25:30]

The fifth way is worse than all others, said St. Gregory, because it shows attachment to pleasure most clearly. To recapitulate, St Gregory the Great said that one may succumb to the sin of gluttony by: 1. Time (when); 2. Quality; 3. Stimulants; 4. Quantity; 5. Eagerness

I also read an article with information that hit home. The writer mentioned that If a human cannot control his food intake, there must be other things in his or her life that they have no self control over. Learning to control your eating habits helps you learn to control and structure other important aspects in your life.

I had a very small but very unhealthy breakfast.

I ate lunch only when I was convinced that I was, indeed, “hungry.” Halfway through my grilled chicken breast, I KNEW I was full but I did not stop eating. Therefore, I choose not to applaud myself for choosing to eat at the right time because I failed to stop eating my lunch  once I was comfortably full.

As for dinner, I had some milk and a pastry- not healthy at all but, i didn’t binge.

Thanks for all of your support and advice, 3FC friends!

I binged. I have been binging for the past 3 days. I’m so ashamed but I need to confess it.

This is not even a weight control issue any more its a SELF CONTROL issue.

Self- control = I do not have it.

I am an overeater and a glutton.

I eat until I am uncomfortably full.

I gorge when no one is watching.

I eat when I am not hungry.

My body is a temple an the things I put my beautifully designed body through are shameful.

I AM my own worst enemy.

It’s time i learn to say NO to food that gives only a few short moments of happiness and comfort. I  should be eating to live, not living to eat.

Today, I went on the Overeaters Anonymous website, the site mentioned something about learning to eat only when you are hungry. I realized, I don’t even know when I’m hungry. What is “hungry”?   When I was anorexic, I thought my body was “hungry” when it was in pain… but to me, that was a feeling of accomplishment and fat leaving my body. What is eating normally? I would not even know where to begin.  There is no in between for me. Either I binge, or I starve myself.  It’s been that way since high school. Secretly, yes, I want to starve myself again until I fit into those size 2 jeans and until everyone around me begins noticing and telling me that I have to eat and stop starving myself. I know its wrong and I cannot put my body or mind through that again, so I eat, and because I don’t know how to eat properly, I binge.

Writing all of this is showing me that my problems are more deeply rooted and that I have to work through them before I can change my weight.

I want to get out of this hole I have dug myself into. I know that just by confessing my problems and coming out with them, seeing them clearly and not lying to myself, I am already on the road to getting better and fitter.

I NEED HELP. I feel alone, I really can’t think of anyone I can turn to. I don’t want people to know my secret and I don’t want them to be disgusted by me and my powerlessness over my own body.

Has anyone overcome this? If you give me any kind of advice- I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks for reading this,

The Fat Betty’s big fat heart.

Well, day two is over.

I work at a bakery- my cravings for sugar were all over the place today- especially while slicing cakes and serving deliciously smelling pies!

Instead of binging on baked goods, I went home and sauteed A LOT of veggies for myself and pigged out.

Im terrified of stepping on the scale tonight with all these veggies, meats, and cheeses in my stomach.  I’ll weigh myself tomorrow morning.

I’m cranky, pre-menstrual, nauseous, and I WANT CAKE.

Does my nausea have anything to do with this low carb diet?

I keep telling myself that after a few days, it will only get easier.

Today, The Maker’s Diet reminded to- Eat to Live- not -Live to Eat. - I will tell myself that every time I crave a cinnamon roll.

Thanks for the support,

-The Fat Betty

Well hello, fellow dieters!

South Beach Day one went well- I was away from my kitchen at home but nevertheless, I made it!

I forced my mother and sister to visit the De Young Museum in San Francisco with me, today. Impressionist paintings from the Musee d’Orsay in Paris were on exhibit.

Breakfast- green tea, 2 hard boiled eggs, and a medium sized tomato

Snack- string cheese and a sugar free rockstar (my first energy drink- ever!) -compliments of Chevron

Lunch- I had something close to a caprese salad at the museum (and for a whopping 13 bucks!) Fresh mozzarella and heirloom tomatoes on a bed of arugula with capers, olives, asparagus, and pesto balsamic vinaigrette

Dinner- Asparagus and mushrooms sauteed in olive oil and chicken.

Snacks- 1 sun dried tomato, deli meats, Sugar free gum

So far I feel so good and I love that I’m not feeling starved.

Still determined, no sugar cravings,  and cant wait to tackle tomorrow’s grueling 8 hour work day!

Thanks for the welcomes!

The Fat Betty

I’m reading The Maker’s Diet- and thoughts or comments on the book or the diet?

Welcome to my blog. After my medium sized 5′ 8” frame toppled the scale at 175 lbs last night, It finally hit me- was time for a BIG change. I have gained thirty pounds since my sophomore year of high school (I am twenty now). I miss being able to look good in just about any kind of clothing. I want to be able to go to the beach and relax on my beach towel without comparing my body to anyone else’s. I WANT TO BE THE FIT AGAIN!

My BMI (according to nhlbisupport.com/bmi/) is 26.6 (OVERWEIGHT!). What? I am overweight? When did this happen? I used to be the skinny one, my bmi at 135 lbs used to be 20.5 (almost 2 numbers from being underweight!).

My goal weight is 140- I don’t know how long it will take me- but I aim to reach my goal weight (a loss of 35 lbs) in 18 weeks- 2 lbs per week. I realize I’m pushing it but- I REALLY want this and I am oh so motivated after seeing myself in photos sitting next to some friends. I used to be thinner than them, and now I’M the big one! They have maintained their weights, unlike me- I have been growing.  Today, it’s time for the growing to stop. I am currently a size 12 and aim to reach a size 6 (or 140- whichever comes first)- I’m going to get healthy, fit, and sexy!

I lose weight best when I have STRICT guidelines and rules. I chose the South Beach Diet but it is relatively black and white and has fewer restrictions than Atkins when it comes to foods I can eat.  After committing carbocide this evening  ( with cake, pastries, pretzels, muffins - no wonder im fat!) I am starting fresh tomorrow. It’s game time.

Love,

The Fat Betty

PS. I am really looking forward to meeting other dieters on this site.

If anyone has any advice or comments about the South Beach Diet- please contact me :)!