Weight loss surgery…yes or no

I was at my nutrition appointment a couple of days ago to give updates on my diet/exercise log and stuff. Well, she brought up gastric by-pass and that I would be a good candidate for it. It sort of caught me off gaurd because I had been thinking about it but had wanted to try one last time on my own. She said it is a tool to be used along with diet and excercise and to think about it. I go back in 2 weeks for follow-up and we will talk more then. I am a little torn. Part of me wants to do it but I am scared of things that “could” go wronge. She said not to read negative things and to study all the good things. I don’t know though. I started my weight loss “this time” at 275 the first of Jan and now weigh 263. It is tough to change but I am doing it. So…I know a succesfull outcome will be well worth it. My husband is for it. My kids not so much.

I have come to realize that I have this one life and that it is my decision to live it healthy and happy or fat and miserable. I have given myself permission to take care of myself and each day it gets a little easier. I can’t for the life of me figure out how I came to be this unhealthy. I got lost in the business of taking care of everyone else. Now I am on 5 medications and pre-diabetic and being worked up for sleep apnea. Having said all that I guess weight loss surgery may be an option. I am going to study on it and pray on it. ♥

Still trying to have a normal week…

I did well for Valentines in asking my family to please not give me candy but then i made them heart shaped brownies and ate three! (they were the ruined ones)(logical at the time) I didn’t beat myself up too bad and worked out hard at the gym. But I did not keep to the diet plan well that day in that I did not eat at regular intervals and I know that makes me feel better and resist eating junk.

Sunday my 16 year old cat died. He had been declining in health for awhile but it was still very hard. At least he was able to be at home with us and we were with him those last moments. We took him to be cremated and picked up the remains on Monday. I know that sounds weird but I know he will always be with us that way. Anyway…I lied to my family about going to the gym on Monday and just sat outside of it and read a book. I am so ashamed of that. I just could not walk in. I felt so blah. I did go today but it was a half baked work out. I WILL do better tomorrow! I must! I have been alright with the diet plan but I did cheat on candy this afternoon. I have to get out of this funk!! This morning was a little stressful though so I guess I justified to myself that way. I had an ultrasound of my uterus and then they had to do one internally which SUCKED. So I eat chocolate. I won’t let it get me down though. I can get over slip ups and keep on going. That’s what this is all about. Getting healthier and kicking old habits. I feel stronger just writing this down! Whew!

A rough couple of days!

Wow! It is thursday already!! Sunday I took the day off from the gym and it took me awhile to get back!! Monday my daughter was in a 4 car pile up and was the fourth car in the pile! I was at the hospital with her and she is thankfully alright. Just shook up and pretty sore. She is more upset about her truck then herself! She bought it herself less then a year ago. Then that night I was hit with the worst vomiting I have ever had! I don’t know if it was food poisoning or the flu but it sucked! Today things have quieted down and I actually had good gym time and of course the added benefit of losing weight from eating no food for two days!!

I still am having trouble getting all my calories in at the right times and fighting the late night snack attack. One day at a time. One day at time!

Great work-out!

I went to the gym and had a wonderful work-out!! An hour on the treadmill , time on the elyptical and some free weights! I feel great! No more negative nancy for me!  I will succeed!! I have stayed on my food plan and not cheated. It is getting easier to “Just say No!”  Woop, Woop!!!!

I need to quit beating myself up…

It has been a weird  couple of days. It started with me letting a random lady get to me at the gym. I like going to the gym. I am proud of my progress and have gotten over (I thought) being the fattest lady there. I walked into the dressing room after a tough work out. Feeling good and a lady and he two daughters were there. They immediately stopped talking and just stared at me. I then caught the Mom rolling her eyes at the daughters! I was too stunned to say anything and I suddenly felt ashamed of myself. Gosh…why? I am at the gym to get healthy, why let this mean spirtied person get to me? Nobody knows better then me that I am FAT!!! Anyway I did not and have not binged or cheated because of that but neither have I been back to the gym. I lied to my husband and kids yesterday and said I had gone. I even cancelled an appointment with my nutritionist ( it’s rescheduled). I will tell him why I did not go but I do not want to give mean people anymore power. I will go to the gym today and I will work hard. I am just surprised at my reaction to someones mean spiritedness. Usually when someone is mean I can give it right back but maybe because this weight loss battle is so personal and so hard it hurt more. I don’t know. Today will be better.

It’s working so far!

Here it is already 4 days into the new start and I am already dropping weight! I feel more energetic and am enjoying planning when and what to eat. It feels like I am eating more but it may just feel that way because I am eating throughout the day now. One thing though is that one of my goals was to not eat between supper and breakfast and that is just too hard to do. So I do include an evening snack of yogurt, popcorn, or fruit and that seems to do the trick. I still have the after midnight cravings but am able to recognize them for what they are and fight it. I just down some water before I have too much time to think about it!

I feel really happy  in that I was able to fight temptation yesterday! I have always been one to give in to the goodies on the aisle end caps when shopping or driving through the fast food lane when out running errands. Not yesterday. I felt the temptation real strong. I wanted that 3 muskateers at Office Depot, the taco bell quick taco and a snack at the grocery store but I was able to walk (drive) right on by. That is HUGE for me! I could always find a reason to eat those things before but not now!! I just pray that I can keep it up! I keep reminding myself that in a few weeks it will be more of a habit to stay away from that stuff! And…give God the glory for enabling me to get healthier! It is not easy. I have to stay motivated. Even at the gym. Sometimes I get intimidated because I am aware that I am the biggest girl there. Other times I just don’t care and sweat away. Oh well I am a physical and mental work in prgress!!!

The First Official Day…

I was very excited to start the day! For breakfast I had oatmeal with cinnamon and an orange plus of course coffee and made sure to get the water in. I got all of the housework done so I could go to the gym and not feel like I needed to rush home and finish something. My goal for this week is for 90 minutes of exercise per day for six days a week. I was on the treadmill for 60 minutes and made sure to crank it up a bit. I was getting too comfortable with trudging along, reading a book and listeneing to my i-pod. Then the elyptical for 15 minutes and then weights for 20 minutes. That felt good! I haven’t done weights alot because it forces me to look in the mirrors at myself but I know that is the reality of how I look now so I just looked and visualized the new me. Lunch was turkey on whole wheat with lettuce  plus coffee/water.

Now for something I am excited about. I am supposed to keep a food journal so I decided to make it a journey journal. I went to Target and got a 1 in. binder, dividers,paper,document protectors,construction paper, and sparkly letters and pretty flower stickers from the scrapbook section. I went home and decorated the book, added dividers,and then acutally decorated a page with my before pics and placed that in a document protector. I also put my goals in a document protector and started a food/excercise log and also a feelings log. It was fun to officially make something to start this process. It helped me to visualize and I want to see progress so it can go into the book. Just an idea for anyone else. I feel good about it.

So at supper by husband cooked his world famous handburgers which I ate with no bread on a bed of lettuce and baked sweet potato fries. My snack was yoplait light yogurt. I LOVE the strawberry white chocolate! So far so good!

A New Beginning

And away we go! I feel like this is the start of the rest of my life. I found 3FC last week at a time when I really needed help and I am so thankful. I had already taken the steps to get healthy but this holds me accountable, gives me great advice from people who know and loads of much needed support.

So today I saw the nutritionist for the first time and it was a very good experience. We talked about one day of eating was like and many other things. He came up with some goals for me which we can change as we go along. I felt a great sense of hope as I left his office. Then I saw my internal medicine doctor. I have been working out the last 2 months and making small diet changes so she was pleased that I had lost weight and felt better. My b/p was good (am on meds), my cholesterol was good (am on meds) but  my blood sugar test showed pre-diabetes and my liver functions were off from fatty liver issues. So it was another wake up call for me today. I MUST succeed. I only have one life to live and I am only 49. I need to lose 130 pounds! That seems unobtainable until I remember the lessons of the mini goals and I feel hopeful.

The hardest thing to admit was my sneaking and gorging. I have never told anyone. Now I have opened up to the 3FC family, my dietician, my doctor and now my daughter! That feel so good! I have a lot to reflect on as to why I sabotouge myself and why I need to self medicate with food. I have had issues in my life but no more and no worse then many people and I am at a great point in my personal and family life. Tommorrow starts the official food journal log. I have before pics of me (yuck) I had my husband take this week and am ready to go. Wish me luck as I do you.

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