Trying to get the feeling again…

It’s Sunday.   The night I am home alone.  Well, unless you count the two kitties that roam the house.  Otherwise it is just me.  At 44 years old, I am pondering my life and the meaning of everything.  Past decisions, future decisions, decisions I never made…  I wish I would have had a better grasp on things when I was younger.  I wish I would have had parents worth a damn.  I think that may have helped.  I am not sure.  Maybe my daughter will feel the same about me.  I don’t know.  I know one thing about me, I tend to make decisions based upon how much they will affect other people.  The less people affected, the easier the decision.   It sucks.  Too bad about how I feel.   So, I will go on with my life, much as I have.  Going forward, learning new things, developing new skills and trying to lose weight.  For such an obsessive control freak you would think I would have that dialed in.  NOPE!  But I do know how to take care of myself and help myself grow.  It’s just sad when you realize that John Wayne was just an actor in a movie and Superman never existed and June Cleaver was a television mom and the job at the brewery that LaVerne and Shirley had sucked.  Oh reality!  That’s why I don’t watch it on tv.  I get enough of it daily. 

I am greatful for good freinds

I am greatful for my health

I am greatful for my granddaughter and daughter

Every day I will remind myself to be greatful of what I do have. 

So I just found out about these good for you noodles.  I am looking for anthing to replace pasta.  Shirataki Noodles.  Has anyone used them or ate them or have an opinion about them?  I know I can go to the Asian market and get them.  Yum.  Now if I could find some good for you rice.  Not whole grain.  It’s okay but it really doesn’t make me smile like good old fashioned white, non-nutritional value, don’t eat too much, rice

That’s right.  I have no voice.  I have sneezed and coughed and drained myself into losing my voice.  It’s okay.  I don’t really need to talk and people tend to leave you alone when you can’t talk.  I went to the store today in search of a bed lounger pillow.  Have been looking for this certain one for days.  I need to sleep sitting up so I don’t choke on my own mucas.  Sorry for being gross - it happens.  I finally found it.  I get obsessive about things I really want.  Maybe because I don’t shop a lot so when I do, I am focused.  I went shopping ugly with no make up, watery eyes, red nose and sweats and a t shirt.  I looked like shit and at this moment in life, I don’t care - I found the pillow!  I am going to change my bed and try it out.  I am so tired for lack of sleep.  But I have been reading a lot and I have put more stuff on line to sell.   It’s better than a garage sale.  Mostly because at a garage sale I usually end up giving stuff away.  I feel so sorry for people.  My thought is that I don’t want it so I should give it to the first person who looks at it.  AND I like to make sure I have cute bags to put their things in so I save all those cute store bags.  I am a sucker.

Life still is what it is.  But I will make it turn around the way I want it to.  I always do.  I just hate doing the work.   I need a facial and massage.  and a pedicure. and some good sex.  (did I say that?!)  LOL! 

Love to all of you.