Trying to get the feeling again…

Bottom line this week sucked.  Not totally.  I did sub second graders all week and I get the same ones for the next two days.  To say I don’t love them is a total understatment.  They are wonderful.  And so loving.  So they didn’t suck.  But home did and that’s all I can say without sounding like a complete flippin idiot.  But I guess we all have to make compromises and I will volunteer for mine so I can’t go sounding like a victim.  But to say I hate life right now is accurate.  And I don’t want to live to be 90 or even 80.  There is no reason to.  Unless I live that long to do something amazing.  But if it’s to be fat and try to be thin and be disappointed by people AGAIN and all this other shit.  No thank you.  I’m tired of looking for shit to be happy about and greatful for.   This is being written while my kitty is staring at me.  She must know I am in a mood. 

I am going to take a shower, read my Stephanie Plum novel, and go to sleep.  I will enjoy the students tomorrow and bask in their love and teach them the best that I can.  One day at a time… blah blah blah

We leave for Hawaii one month from today.  Going to Oahu.  Hubby has never been.  I need to lose 10 pounds.  I will - I have no desire to eat.  That’s a change.  Again, sick of worrying about how fat I am and how unhealthy it is. 

Love you all.  Sorry for being bitchy.  It just is…