Trying to get the feeling again…

This week went well.  I lost 4.5 pounds.  YEAH!  My master teacher asked me how I did it.  I told her I was hungry.   I did not eat any flex points.  I want to lose weight more than I want to eat.   I would like to lose 2 lbs this week.  I did max out my points today - but again, did not touch my flex points.  I also got my butt out of bed to do the treadmill.   Sometimes I try to talk myself out of it and tell myself I will do it in the evening.  But once I am awake, I feel guilty and slip my sweatshirt on and get my shoes on to head out to the cold living room.  On Wendesday - weigh in day - it is worth it to see the numbers decline.    Sometimes, at home though, I get depressed.  20 pounds down and I am still fat.  I hate being fat.  My clothes don’t fit right.  They are bagging - but I am still fat.  I can’t wait until my weight loss is noticable to more than just me and I can’t wait to not be fat. 

My modem went down and I had to wait for the new one to arrive.  I missed all of you and couldn’t wait for a few quiet hours to catch up! 

 I weighed in on Wednesday.  I was UP 1 pound.  But I did not let that deter me.   I will make up for it at this week’s weigh in.  I didn’t eat badly, I just didn’t pay as close attention to my points.  I like to log things on the computer and not having it was a bummer.  So far, this week has gone well and I am looking forward to my weigh in.  I think I may hit my 20 pound mark.  If not 20 pounds, pretty darn close.

 I have a friend who is on WW and can’t seem to lose weight.  I went out after work with her last night and saw why.  Or at least in my opinion why.  She drank 3 beers and had no food.  I drank diet soda and had soup.  I didn’t eat the noodles in the soup so when I was finished all that was left was shell pasta in the bottom of the bowl.   I am student teaching in her room and it helps that we are both doing WW as we eat lunch together.  But she gets frustrated that I eat soup almost everyday.  But the fact of the matter is this - I LOVE soup when it is cold and rainy outside.  It is a major source of comfort for me and thank goodness I love the broth based kind.  I can eat Campbells Vegetable Beef soup everyday.   This has been my favorite since I was a little girl.  I can’t help it, I am a cheap date!  I am trying to mix my lunches up a little bit for her  benefit - isn’t that funny?  Yesterday I took a Lean Cuisine.  Those work for me too.  

I am glad to be back and happy to see that my friends are here and doing well.  Have a glorious weekend!

 Hugs, Bobbie  

I know I have lost 16.5 pounds of blubber off of my formally 235 body and it does feel good as things start to get lose.  But what sucks, is I am still fat and it will be awhile before anyone notices.  All this hard work and noone notices but me.   My friend Pat kind of noticed a few weeks ago but that was AFTER I told her I was doing WW.   I still have told noone else because I don’t want people to ask me how WW is going.  It is just frustrating to know that I will have to lose 30 pounds before someone might notice.  When I lose 30 pounds total I will be at 206 - still FAT!  I look forward to the summer because I will not be so FAT but will be FLUFFY instead. 

I am whining and complaining and bitching all at the same time here!  UGH! 

 I did get up and do the treadmill.  I did that before I did anything for anyone else.  My BF called and wanted to know how come I hadn’t called him yet - he’s at work.  It is because I decided to take care of me BEFORE I decided to give into the needs of others.  It felt good to get that out of the way and then I could call him back and talk for an hour and not feel stressed about still having to do the treadmill.  I am getting a cold/allergies take your pick they both bite and the treadmill helped a ton with the sweating and knocking everything lose. 

I can’t wait until I lose enough weight that my current pants fall off of me.  WHOOT! What a feeling that will be! 

 Off to the showers to wash some of this pity off of me! 

Today was weigh in day at WW.  I am down 1.4 for a total of 16.6 pounds.   So, rounding off I am at 218.  It is better to be in the teens of the twohundrends than in the thirties.  I can’t wait to hit 199 (I hope at the end of March).    That is when the excitement  begins.  Being in the 200’s SUCK!  So much blubber to lose in the 200’s.    My clothes are fitting loser.  Great on one hand but sucky on the other because I am baggy now.  I will wait until I am 199 to buy a couple of new pairs of pants.  I have tops to wear but not pants.  Clothes buying for the last 4 years has been on a need to buy basis - not because I like to but because I have to. 

My birthday falls on a Wednesday this year.  I can’t wait to see what my birthday weight will  be.  I am projecting it to be 156 on October 15th.  I am projecting to be at 140 lbs by December 24 (which is also a Wednesday).   By then I will have been on WW for 54 weeks.  It will be interesting to see how this all goes.  Of course, I will keep you posted. 

 Okay off to FINISH packing Christmas stuff.  LOL! 

Today I was in a meeting - boring!  so I decided to see how long it will take me to be to goal.  It is too much to look at one time!  I am going to be fat forever!  I know I will continue to lose weight but even when I lose 40/50 pounds, I will still be fat!  It’s depressing to look at it like that.  I will be at a weight where it’s okay if someone sees the scales by middle August.  I hope to reach goal by the end of October.  But by middle August I won’t still look like the fat lady - just someone who needs to lose a some weight instead of the fat middle aged woman.  So, I have to ignore all that and take it one week at a time.  My size 18 pants are loose.  I will celebrate the small goals and look forward to the day when it all comes together.

 I did the treadmill today.  My days off will be Sunday and Wednesday.  Wednesday is WW weigh in day.  I wish losing weight was as easy as gaining.  I never once did look at food during that time and say, “If I eat that box of donuts, I will gain two pounds this week.”  Now I look at food and it doesn’t hold the thrill it used to.  Instead of eating to destress, I stress if I eat.  I don’t want to gain weight.  I want to lose weight.  I will be glad when Aunt Flo leaves.  She always messes me up when she visits…

Hugs!

I woke up this morning and Aunt Flo had announced herself loud and clear. This is the first time I have had my TOM since I started WW and was wondering what the hell was up with 2 lb weight gain. I get it! Now I just have cramps and would like to roll up in a ball until it passes. I did do the treadmill. I think I heard or read somewhere that exercise is good during this time. That is crap! Nothing is good at this time except to whine and groan and stab anyone who comes near me! This also explains why I felt so fat and ugly yesterday. Okay it didn’t help that the girl at the MAC counter was rude. I went to the mall with no makeup because I thought I would treat myself to some MAC. But the girl didn’t even offer me a seat and put some ugly foundation on me. She was not helpful at all. I expect people at work to do thier job and be professional. If I ask someone what they recommend, I expect them to tell me not ask me what I want. I am not a makeup person. I did not go to beauty school and pick a makeup line training to learn about makeup and everything that goes with it. Now if you need your computer fixed, I am your girl. If you have an electronic gadget fixed - CALL ME. Questions regarding education - me again. But do your job and don’t be a bitch. Needless to say, I left and went and spend my money somewhere else. Okay I think I am done right now. I am going to take some Advil and go outside where the sun is shining. Hopefully I won’t stab anyone or bite thier head off. I am going to call my honey and warn him before he comes home that I feel like poop and I don’t have that lovin’ feeling. And these 2 lbs better leave before I go to weigh in on Wednesday. Damn treadmill - it’s going to own me.

I lost 2.4 pounds this week for a total of 15 since we started WW on December 12th.  We went to Mexican food for dinner where yes, I had  a few chips but also had the most divine grilled shrimp salad.  Very low cal, low points dinner with lots of yummy taste.  Tomorrow I already know I am going to the Chinese food restaurant and getting a big bowl of hot and sour soup!  More yummy taste and little points.  So, I guess I will keep my fat butt on the treadmill as it seems to be helping.  Dang!   Well, I read once that George Clooney says he only exercises not because he likes to but because it allows him to do the things he enjoys.  I hate when things make sense! 

I go and weigh in today. In about 30 minutes. Don’t know why I need someone to weigh me, but I do.  My friend won’t go to WW because she says she doesn’t like the disappointed way they look at you when you don’t lose weight.  I call that incentive.  But with my whole immediate family on WW we pretty much keep each other in check.  My bf just called to ask how well I did.  Everyone is very positive with each other.  It is great.

I did watch I Am Legand last night.  It was pretty good and my favorite thing of all, not too long.  I hate long drawn out movies.  1 hour and 45 minutes is the best I can do.  I have watched longer movies but prefer not to. 

Did the treadmill last night.  Went up to a 10 incline.  I try to mix it up everyday so my body doesn’t know what we are doing that day.  I don’t want it to get bored with the same routine.  I love having the treadmill.  I love more that I am using it.

Time to get ready to leave.  It was a rough week because I was out of town for three days.  So hopefully I lost weight.  I just have to learn how to make everything work and become a lifestyle and not a temporary diet for me to fail on again. 

I just finished reading The Innocent Man and it made my heart hurt.  In Oklahoma, two innocent men were in prison, one on Death Row, for 11 years for a crime they did not commit.  Worse than that, if the police and procecution had done their jobs correctly, this would not have happened.  I was on a murder trial that lasted 4 months.  I  worked closely with the police department when I worked at the academy and respect these men and women immensley.  I personally could not do their job.  However, like every place, there are lazy people who are capable of lying and do no matter the price to someone else. 

I love to read and was compelled after reading it to do follow up research on the men who spent time in prison. Now I know these are not the only men who have spent time in prison for a crime they did not commit and I also know that there are plenty in prison who deserve to be there.  But it does make me sad to think of precious time being taken away from someone because as we all know, life is precious and from the moment we are born, the clock starts clicking away. 

Sorry for being so depressing - on another note - I did the treadmill for 85 minutes.  5 minutes were spent on warm up and 5 minutes were spent on cool down.  I felt good afterwards and think I should do this a couple of times a week.  My secret goal is to be able to do the Avon 3 day walk for breast cancer.  My friend Cindy died 6 years ago much too young of breast cancer and I miss her every single day - sometimes more.  Once she called me in my sleep.  I had a dream I was talking to her on the phone and we had this wonderful conversation.  She promised to call me again.  I hope she does. 

Tomorrow is another day and weigh in day is Wednesday.  I hope I lost weight this week.  It was hard being out of town for a couple of days but I did the best that I could.  My goal is to be 145 by Christmas.  Wouldn’t that be nice? 

There is this website called Futureme.org.  You go to it and write yourself a letter and send it to you in the future.  I have done it the past couple of New Years day for the next year.  Last year, I was at 235.  I wanted to be thin by this year but alas, I am at 220.  It is a relief that it is not 235.  I also reflected about things I would like to accomplish in 2007.  It is interesting seeing how things turned out. 

 This year I wrote two emails to myself.  The first email I set to receive on my birthday in October.  The second email I will receive next January. 

 It is a lot of fun.  You forget about it and one day, you have an email from yourself. 

Time to treadmill.  I hate it but it must be done!