Finally, I can see some progress being made. Summer break will start in 3 days and I have a goal. I will be hitting the gym 6 days a week. I will reach 128kg by the end of the summer. That’s 4 weeks to lose 9 kg. I think it can be done. I just have to do the work!
Joined the gym again. Very proud of myself for that. In the two weeks, I have been three times so far. Too bad its closed for maintenance for the last couple of days but I will be back on Saturday. I’m enjoying the classes and enjoying feeling good about myself again. Now I have to get my eating under control. Baby steps. Baby steps.
I haven’t posted in a while and I have no excuses for it. I just haven’t made any progress and there was really nothing to say about it. I honestly have been just trying to wrap my head around what I want to do with myself.
Alot has been happening that have led to me changing my mindset about things. First off, my baby bro got his gf pregnant and they are gonna get married next year. If I am going to his wedding, I need to wear a dress. I usually don’t wear dresses for the sole fact that at this weight I look ridiculous in them I think. So here is motivation #1 to continue on this journey. Wedding to attend next August.
My self confidence is another factor. I was walking in the mall with my friend about a month ago and I kept noticing the way people looked at me and some kids even pointed. Here in Japan I stand out. That is a given since the majority of the population is tiny! It never really bothered me being noticed by people but this time it really did bother me. It was like I was seeing myself in others eyes and I didn’t like what I saw. I have always seen myself as beautiful no matter what but these days I don’t.
As I kept thinking about my self esteem issues, I also realized that I have been basically hiding from men. You might laugh after you read this but since my last relationship, I have basically shied away from men. At first I thought it was cause I just wasn’t over him but after 3 years and several attempts at online dating that didn’t happen cause I cancelled on the guys, I realized that that is not the issue. The issue is that I don’t like my body and the way I look and in my head I just feel like any guy I go out with will be disgusted by me. If I’m disgusted by myself then its safe to say that they would be also. Wow, its weird saying this out loud but its something I need to do.
Now after mulling all of that over for the last few months and my friend trying to get me to go back to the gym, I have finally made my decision. I signed up at the gym on Thursday. I am going to my first class today and I am going achieve my goals.
Here we go again! NEVER GIVE UP!
Working on my dissertation is frustrating. Trying to lose weight is frustrating. Being alone is frustrating. Not knowing what I want from my life is frustrating.
Today I am just really frustrated with everything. I got on the scale and I have not lost one kilogram. I didn’t really expect to lost anything since I have not really been making an effort because of the stress of my dissertation. So on to another week. Lets see what this one brings.
I WILL SUCCEED!!!!!!!!!!
Its not easy for me to get off my butt and exercise. I hate sweating. Weird I know, especially coming from someone who grew up in the Caribbean but the thing is I really hate it. However, I know in order to reach my goals, this is something that I have to do. I have to sweat it out.
I’ve read the websites, the books, listened to the advice and people always say: ‘When choosing the type of exercise you want, do something that you enjoy.’ You know what, I’ve tried that and I’ve always given it up. I’ve tried walking on my own, doing exercise videos, joining a gym and doing Zumba but the fact is I’ve always given it up after a few weeks. Why is that? Ok, the walking I didn’t really like. The videos were fun for a while but then they got boring. I liked the gym but getting there after work just became a problem when I got busy and was always tired. Also, I didn’t like people watching me. Being the biggest person in the room is not motivating to me. Its actually demotivating. Go figure! And Zumba I love because I love dancing but there isn’t a class in my area except at the gym which is not close. Sigh.
Excuses I know but I need to be realistic and not hide the excuses I’ve been making. I need to own up to them. Its the only way I think I can move on. So after a lot of thought, I’ve decided to just DANCE. Yup, for at least 10 minutes a day, every day. I am just going to DANCE like no one is watching until I am comfortable heading back to the gym or figure something else out.
In order to keep myself on track, I’ve created a new page called Fitness Log and I am going to track my progress there.
Time to boogie!!!
So here we go again!
Even though I may not have gotten to where I wanted to be last year when I started this blog, I am not giving up. Here I am again and I am ready to give it another go.
Today starts Lent and since its the time of year when most people give up something for 40 days, I’m thinking that its the best time for me to start making some changes that will hopefully lead to some lifestyle changes.
So these are my vices that I will be letting go of for the next 40 days and hopefully forever:
- Fast Food
These are the things that I am adding to my life for the next 40 days and hopefully forever:
- Exercise for at least 10 mins everyday.
- Blog progress once a week.
Let’s do this!
So I was watching Good Morning America and American Idol’s Mandisa was on. She looked AMAZING! She had lost about 120lbs. That needs to be me next year! If she can do it, so can I. I need to get to work!
It’s hard work and some days it seems impossible but I have a goal and my mom taught me to never give up on my dreams. I am going to do this. This is my time for the new and improved ME.
I’ve been pretty quiet over the last couple weeks. Had a few setbacks on the weight loss track but doing better this week. So far have lost 1 more kg and I am very proud of myself. It’s hard for me especially since I don’t have much of a support system here in Japan but I promised myself that I am going to do this and I am.
Slowly but surely… that’s my mantra for the month!