Diet Daze

I had a bit of a rough day.  It went just fine until friends asked me to go to All-You-Can-Eat nugget night at Chick-Fil-A.  I went because I was bored and wanted to get out of the house, but it was definitely not OP.  I did eat by far much less than I used to do.  I had 16 nuggets (as opposed to my normal 30) and only one medium fry (as opposed to my one medium and 2-3 small fries), along with one ranch packet (as opposed to 4 or so).  Yikes– just thinking about what I used to eat is scary.  I really can’t believe I used to eat that much.  I’m seriously full on what I ate– pushing overfull, actually, and it wasn’t even 1/3 of what I used to put away.

On to the cookie dough part– for some reason i just started to CRAVE cookie dough at dinner– before I even left the restaurant.  I decided I would have some from my freezer (in a package, thank goodness).  Well, when I got home I thought about making a bag/batch that I had on the shelf, but I thought that would be a bad idea since I would have so many leftovers with nowhere to take them.  An open package in the freezer would be bad, too, though.  Long story short, I just didn’t open anything and finished making my pear sauce (like applesauce– I got some free pears the other day, and I just cooked them in the crock pot with cinnamon and a little water, and it’s great!), took a couple bites to taste that, and by then I didn’t want the cookie dough as bad.  I mean, I still want it, but at least it’s not the focused, intense I.  WANT.  COOKIE.  DOUGH.  NOW!!  feeling.  Hopefully I can make it through until I go to bed, but I feel like the worst is over, so I should be okay.  I rarely get cravings like that.  I’m usually more of an opportunistic cheater, only going off plan when the situation presents itself rather than seeking it out. 

Breakfast:  cheese toast, 1 egg white, HNS

Lunch:  bar

Dinner:  Chickfila:  16 nuggets, 1 med. fry, 1 ranch packet, coke zero (1000 calories even, according to calorie king– I suppose it could be worse.)

weight at home:  172 (up 1/2 lb. from yesterday morning)

I went to WI today, seriously hoping I’d hit the 170s (I was 181.5 on Monday), and, incredibly, I hit 177, which is the 50 lb. mark.  So, now I get to start using the Coach purse I bought over Thanksgiving– see it here.

So, I’m pretty excited today. I must have been holding water or something from Thanksgiving. It’s still a mystery to me how I’ve lost this much weight with Thanksgiving in there– who knows?

Breakfast: bar, HNS

Lunch: cheese toast, egg white, HNS, 2 melba toast

Dinner:

weight at home: 171.5
MRC weight: 177

Today went well– no big issues, and I’m looking forward to WI tomorrow since it feels (and shows according to the scale at home) like I’ve lost weight– always a good thing!  I’m hoping to be out of the 180s tomorrow, so we’ll see how it goes.

Breakfast: cheese toast, egg white, HNS

Lunch: bar (4th for the week– I can’t get back into the swing of eating a real lunch, so I guess I’ll just continue the bar until I feel like making something again.  It’s not technically OP, but it’s low in calories, so I doubt it really matters.)

Dinner:  1/2 pita, taco meat, cheese, applesauce (still don’t want broccoli), 2 melba toast, HNS

snack: creamy HNS, 2 melba toast, 1/2 slice pepperjack (I ate dinner so early due to my class that I was really hungry)

weight at home:  173

After a couple weeks absence from the diet blog, I’m back to journaling.  There was no major binging– I just didn’t have much time, and the holidays and travelling made it difficult, so I took a break. 

Metaquick was somewhat successful– 4.5 lbs. total for the week.  However, my greatest success is in having maintained (yes, you read that right) over Thanksgiving week.  I went to WI today, and I was exactly the same as I was a week ago.  Even better than that, I am in a smaller pair of jeans than I was when I left.  The ones I wore home were starting to feel a bit baggy, so I decided to try on the next pair, and they fit!  They were a bit too snug before I left, but now they’re perfect, and my belt is one more notch down. 

The only thing I can think of is that I still kept my calories in check even though I was eating off plan food.  I still ate Thanksgiving favorites, but I did eat less.  Also, for the three days prior, I was practically living on tiramisu (I made one for my Italian students– BIG mistake– there was way too much left over, and I caved a couple times and ate a piece, replacing lunch or breakfast or even dinner, so I think my calories weren’t actually any worse, but talk about unhealthy!).  Anyway, I don’t know how I made it out of the last two weeks unscathed, but so it is.

Today was back on track (except I still can’t face broccolli), so I’m looking forward to reaching the next 10 lb. goal in the next couple of weeks.  I actually bought my next reward (a coach purse) while I was at home.  I know that sort of defeats the purpose, but they always have a huge sale at the outlet on the day after Thanksgiving, so if I was going to buy one, that day was the time to do it.  I got one that I love for $140, so it really wasn’t too bad compared to what they usually run– it was 50% off the outlet price.  I don’t think I could justify the full $300 on a purse no matter how much weight I lost!  However, I am not using it/taking the tag off/looking at it until I reach the goal.  It’s shoved in the back of my closet just waiting to be used, so it is still serving a motivational purpose, perhaps moreso than if I hadn’t bought it in the first place.

It’s also December 1st and time to post another picture.  I plan to take it and post tonight, but we’ll see if I get that done.  Here’s the menu for today:

Breakfast: cheese toast, 1 egg white, HNS

Lunch:  bar, HNS

Dinner:  2 oz. turkey taco meat, 1 oz. cheddar, 1/4 wrap, 3 melba toast, HNS

weight at home:  175

MRC weight: 181.5

Well, things went fine today, but since it was the fifth day on MQ, I’m starting to get a bit bored and miss my morning cheese toast.  Oh well, soon it will be over, and I’m just hoping that nothing happens on Sunday to make me mess up my last day of it.  Unless something miraculous happens come Monday, then the MQ hasn’t been nearly as helpful this time as it was last.  I guess the weight loss isn’t really going that slow, but it feels like it for some reason.  I really think I need to add exercise in, but I just don’t know how I can swing that with my schedule for the next three weeks.  Once finals week gets here, I will try to add it in, but until then, I guess I’ll just have to be patient.

Breakfast and lunch– mq stuff

Dinner:  taco meat (decided to try some variety again since I’ve been stuck on the rotisserie chickens), cheese, 1/4 wrap, 3 melba toast, applesauce

snack:  soy choc. mini crisps

For some reason this afternoon/evening, I have just been HUNGRY.  I went to BWW for a baby shower, and while I avoided wings and, really, all food (I left early saying I already had dinner plans– plans with myself, ha!), it just triggered a craving, and I still am just hungry.  I haven’t caved yet, though, and I’m going to have another HNS to help with the hunger (I missed it at breakfast, anyhow), so hopefully tomorrow will be easier.  I’ve seriously been wanting some real food, though, and I think it’s due to the metaquick.  The problem is, I want real JUNK food or real bad-for-you food, not just real food like I normally eat on this diet.

Hopefully this feeling will pass soon because I feel myself slipping out of control day by day.  I’ve already stopped eating broccolli and have traded it for applesauce, which is not technically right.  I do eat spinach in my salad, though, so I guess I am still getting a veggie  here and there.  Breakfast has turned into a key meal of the day for me for the first time in my life.  I have to eat it, or I’m starving, and I actually enjoy it, plus it keeps me from being ravenous at lunch.  I think I’ve at least mastered that.

weight at home: 178.5– finally under the lowest point ever so far.  I keep bouncing around.

I had planned to go to weigh in on Friday, but I ended up going today.  The results weren’t quite as fabulous as last time I did metaquick, but not terrible, either, and I’ll have to wait until Monday to really see how the week went.

On a brighter note, yesterday I tried on a bunch of old clothes and am putting one of my big storage tubs full of clothes back into my closet.  That means I only have one more storage tub not quite full of clothes in my smallest sizes plus two milk crates left of clothes that should fit in five or ten pounds.  After that, I guess I’ll just have to go shopping!

I figured up my weight loss, and I’m right on track or even ahead of schedule, depending on when you estimate my end date.  Still, I’m hoping that exercise during Christmas break will help speed it up a bit so I can stay ahead or make up for the holiday slow down.  After break is over, I’ll probably be able to continue the exercise since things won’t be so busy at first, and perhaps later I’ll have it more integrated into my routine, so it won’t be so difficult to go– we’ll see!

Breakfast: shake, HNS

Lunch: bar, HNS

snack: chocolate soy mini crisps (150 cal)

Dinner:  2 oz. chicken, cheese toast, applesauce, HNS

weight at home:  179

MRC weight:  184.5 (down 1.5 lbs. since Monday)

Today went well once again.  Metaquick makes things easier for me because there are simply fewer choices, and it’s VERY obvious if I cheat, so it’s harder to fool myself into things.  I just weighed tonight, and it’s looking good– 180 at night is as low as it’s ever been, so I can’t wait till tomorrow morning to see how it looks.

Breakfast: shake, HNS

Lunch:  bar, HNS

Dinner:  chicken and spinach salad, cheese toast, HNS

snack:  hot chocolate HNS

weight at home:  179

I actually lost a pound since Thursday– even after the Chinese.  Pretty cool.  My belt would only go to the first notch instead of the second as it had been, though, so who knows what’s going on.  I can’t write much– I have a topic proposal breathing down my neck, and wouldn’t you know it, I don’t really have a topic to propose, so I will have to pull one out from somewhere, I guess. 

I also got a rather disturbing email about the war tonight (I think it was the pictures that did it to me).  The person who sent it had good intentions, to show respect or something to my husband who is in Iraq, but I did NOT need to see those pictures.  I’m trying NOT to think of stuff like that, and the email definitely bothered me.  I haven’t cried since he left (and I thought I would be super depressed), but that did it to me.  I literally got nauseous and started shivering.  The person just wasn’t thinking, I guess.  Anyway, I talked to my mom and calmed down a bit.  So, getting to how this relates to food (I did have a point for posting this in my diet blog):

I am still using food as reward/emotional comfort.  I thought I wasn’t that bad about it, but I reached for the hot cocoa to make me feel better.  I didn’t have it until a couple hours after the fact, and I had planned to have it anyway (it’s an HNS), but as I was in the kitchen, I saw it and knew I was allowe to have it, and I instantly felt a bit better.  I even felt better while drinking it– I literally got comfort from it.  That’s a bit scary, to be honest.  Of course, it’s not like I went on a pizza binge (now that would have REALLY made me feel better, at least in the moment until I crashed and burned after the last bite), but it still shows that I am an emotional eater, even if it’s not always obvious to me.

Also, I started Metaquick today, and I feel pretty good about it.  It worked well last time (6.5 lbs. in a week), so hopefully it works as well this time.  That would put me in the 170s– wow.  Haven’t seen those numbers in a while.  i have realized though that while I want to lose more weight (I’m a comfy size 12 now), I am at least comfortable with myself.  I can look in the mirror and think “wow, I look pretty good.”  I don’t feel nearly as self conscious as I used to. 

So, anyhow, I’m hoping that MQ will help me get back to the straight and narrow since I’ve been straying little by little lately.  It’s not been anything too big (with the exception of the two big cheats i couldn’t very well avoid), but it’s been little stuff like trading my veggies for applesauce or sneaking in a 1% sugar free cappuccino when it’s not really on my plan.  Apparently it throws the “chemical balance” off– which I’m not sure I believe, but I do slow down in weight loss when I eat more carbs, so maybe there’s something to it.

Breakfast:  shake, HNS

Lunch:  bar, HNS

Dinner: spinach and chicken salad, cheese toast, 1 melba toast (extra), HNS

snack:  creamy HNS (hot cocoa)

water:  nonexistent, for the most part

weight at home: 181 (up 1.5 lbs. from yesterday, possibly water from the Chinese)

MRC weight:  186– back to where I was before the pizza

So, I ate chinese, and I totally spaced on the carb blockers.  They probably don’t do anything anyway, but it helps me mentally… oh well.  I did not get a workout in because friends came over to play guitar hero, so instead I had two cappuccinos…yikes.  Also, I am totally not on my eating plan.  I’m in check calorie-wise for the most part (chinese excepted), but we’ll see how it shakes out tomorrow.  I drank a ton of water today, so hopefully I won’t be holding as much tomorrow.

To get myself back on track, I’ve decided to do metaquick again since you can do it once a month.  I was planning to save it until after Thanksgiving and then again after Christmas, but I think now is as good a time as any.  If I wait until after Thanksgiving, I’ll be late getting started for the month, and the same goes for Christmas.  Besides, I think I could use a jolt right about now since I’ve started to deviate so much.  The espresso pot is going in the cabinet so I’m not tempted with the milk.  I’m much stricter with myself when I’m on MQ just because there are so many fewer options.  Plus, I think it will be easier to be able to eat somewhat normally (as opposed to being on MQ) after Thanksgiving because I’ll still be at my parents’ house and dealing with eating out and just not having quite as much control.  At least my mom is on the same diet, so we’re eating similar stuff, but it’s always a bit of struggle when the go-to foods that I like aren’t always readily available at someone else’s house.

So, now you have my plan for the week, and here’s what happened today:

Breakfast: cheese toast, 1 egg white, HNS

Lunch:  chicken lo mein (about 4 oz. of pasta, I would guess– it’s very hard to estimate calories.  I found anywhere from 400-1500 on calorie king, but the portion was small, and there wasn’t a ton of sauce, so I’m guessing about 800), 1 egg roll (guessing 150), few bites of egg flower soup (negligible calories), so maybe around 1000 calories for the whole meal– high, but not outlandish, I suppose.

Dinner:  2 cappuccinos (probably 3/4 c. milk total), cheese toast, applesauce 

I’m probably going to wimp out on exercise tomorrow since I’m on a super time crunch for some homework.  So, we’ll see what happens, but my expectations are not high.

weight at home: 179.5 (up a bit)

Well, I did work out again, but it was quite shortened.  My knee is popping like mad.  I’ve always had bad knees, since I was a kid, but I was never active enough to really make them bad enough to do something about, lol.  Anyway, they don’t bother me often, but since I started to do so much walking so fast, I think it’s getting to them.  They weren’t really hurting, but had I done much more, they would have been, so I stopped at 25 minutes and 200 calories, which is still something.  I plan to work out again tomorrow and Monday, even if I only get 25 minutes or so in.  It will still help.

Also, I have dodged another eating bullet– I was supposed to go out tonight with a friend from class to Red Seven, which is either a bar or a restaurant, I don’t know, but the other girls cancelled, so now I don’t have to go!  I was a bit worried because I was sure there would be something there that I shouldn’t eat/drink, and I don’t know the other girls at all and would rather not announce I’m on a diet.  Still, now that that’s out of the way and there’s just the chinese left tomorrow, I do feel a bit better about the whole situation. 

My muscles are pretty sore today as well.  I’m not dying or anything, but I can definitely tell if I try to lift my legs.  So, I guess that means I am doing something.  I’m looking forward to Christmas break when I can recommit to an exercise program– a serious program like I started a couple summers ago when I was on WW.  For that one month where I went 5 days a week, I was losing about 3 lbs. per week on WW– that’s a lot for me on WW.  That summer I lost 20 lbs. or so, but then I of course put it right back on, hence the situation in which I now find myself.  Even now I’m much smaller than  I was then.  I never broke 200 on WW.  Still, if exercise helped that much on WW, it will on this diet, too, I’m sure.  So, that should help counteract the holidays as well as make up for any slower progress as I get closer to my goal. 

Breakfast: cheese toast, 1 egg white, HNS

Lunch:  spinach and chicken salad (2 oz. chicken, 1 oz. parmesan) with spray dressing, HNS (just realized I forgot my applesauce– darn!)

Dinner: cheese toast, 2 oz. chicken, applesauce, HNS

exercise: fast walking, 25 minutes, 200 calories

weight at home: 178– down another pound from yesterday!