Diet Daze

Well, my friends, things are not going well.  Yesterday morning I weighed in at 159.5 (woo hoo, out of the 160s!!).  However, this excitement has been short lived because I had what was probably the biggest diet disaster of my whole diet these past months.  Let me explain:

I went to dinner with 6 other girls at Red Seven, a local bar/grille place.  I ordered a Chicken Caesar Pizza (totally off program but I knew it would be like that) and a berry champaigne drink thing (very tasty btw).  I also ate a roll and butter before the food arrived.  The pizza was huge, probably 11 inches in diameter or so.   I ate half of it there, plus the roll, and the drink. 

Had I stopped there, it wouldn’t have been so bad.  The disastrous part came when I got home (a couple hours later) and decided to eat the rest of the pizza (I shouldn’t have even taken the leftovers home!) along with some “dessert,” which consisted of three giant cookies (cookie dough in the freezer, 180 calories EACH), about 15 gummi savers, and two hershey’s bliss chocolates.

In my infinite wisdom, I also decided that drinking a lot of water could help negate the effects, lol, so I basically drank 8 glasses of water within a couple hours, which probably accomplished nothing other than making me feel miserably full.  So, I went to bed literally in pain, wishing I could just throw up (but I hate that too, so that wasn’t happening if I could at all help it) so I would feel better.  I don’t think I’ve been that full (and I think it was mostly because of the water) in a very very long time.

So, all that to say that I’m readjusting my focus this week.  I’ve thrown out the candy and shoved the cookie dough to the very back of the freezer (it would take me at least 5 minutes to get it out again, so it’s not likely it will cause any more problems).  That candy has just caused me too many issues already, so it had to go. 

Also, I’m starting metaquick this week, since that usually helps me be more compliant with my program.  It’s so scripted/boring that it allows for little deviation, and eating shakes and bars is pretty easy/mindless, so I usually do pretty well with it.  I have plenty of fish and frozen veggies (spinach this time, which I like much better than broccolli of late), so I should be able to easily eat a program compliant dinner.  The biggest problem I foresee is getting hungry from working out, but I think I will add half a bar right after working out as they suggested and try to head off any issues.

This morning I weighed in at 166.5 (7 lbs gain from yesterday).  I’m hoping some of that will drop off by tomorrow.  Technically I’m supposed to go to MRC for weigh in tomorrow, but we’ll see how I feel about it.  Sometimes I just don’t need their input.  I know I’ve done something wrong, and I’ve taken the steps to fix it, so I don’t need the “tsk tsk” I’ll get from them.  This is not to say they’re not helpful or nice, etc., but this time for some reason, I just don’t want to face it. 

After last night, I feel like I have a lot more of my old determination back.  As I’ve gotten closer to my goal, I have been a lot more complacent about things and a lot less militant about following my program specifications.  I’m still losing weight, true, but I do believe it would go much faster if I actually followed my program.  So, this week there should be no reason why I can’t follow it, so that’s what I plan to do.  Next week, I will plan out my menu and write it up– I think that will give me a much better chance for success than if I just leave it till I’m hungry.

A couple of days ago, I put on my workout pants (yoga type pants) and noticed a little sliver of light between my thighs– pretty fabulous since I think I’ve always had the thigh friction issue.  Then tonight on the elliptical, I just realized that they didn’t rub together at all.  I’m also not getting the little friction nubbies on my jeans where they used to rub together.  So, I think this means that I officially don’t have thunder thighs anymore– big accomplishment for me.  I think what I’m most excited about is that I hopefully won’t wear out my jeans in that spot anymore since it was always the first place to go.

On to today… and not nearly as good of news.  Basically, I’m still having the hunger issue, which I do think is caused by exercise.  On the upside, I probably burn at least 600-800 calories in my workout (5 times a week), and I usually only eat 200 of it back (I mean the stuff that’s not on my regular diet plan).  So, I’m still ahead.  I always burn 400-450 on the elliptical, and then I do weights and stuff with my trainer for 45 minutes to an hour (that’s where the extra 200-400 comes in because I never really know how much I burn there).

The scale at home shows I’m losing, and I go in tomorrow to weigh in, and it’s time to get my measurements and a body analysis done again, so I’m looking forward to that.  I had an awesome workout tonight.  I burned my 400 calories in 30 minutes instead of 40.  I was working pretty hard, but it was a goal to shoot for, you know?  I kept up a pretty good intensity (for me, anyway).  I was trying to beat the clock anyhow since they closed at nine, and I got off the machine at 8:30.  I also tried out the sauna, and I think I’m going to like it– of course, when it’s 10 below outside, a sauna is bound to feel awesome!

I’ll update tomorrow– hope it’s good news.

weight at home:  163.5 (up 1/2 lb. from yesterday– possibly caused by the doughnut??  Oh well, time to move on.)

Well, today did not go well.  I did fine until I was at work (teach a night class), and I was starving.  I have no time to eat with my schedule.  I can grab a bar, but that doesn’t do a whole lot, and it certainly doesn’t help when I can’t eat again for at least another 6-8 hours.  Anyhow, my willpower vanished around 8 pm, and I ate a krispy kreme blueberry cake doughnut– my favorite, and it was right there staring me in the face.  Anyway, then I was hungry later and (of course felt like I had already ruined things) so I ate some cheese and crackers.  I’m guessing 2 oz. of pepperjack and 6 town house crackers.  The doughnut had 330 calories.

I then decided to make that my dinner and skip it when I got home, but of course that stuff doesn’t stay with you, and so I had 3 melba toasts, 2 crackers, 1/3 slice pepperjack, and a sugar free banana fudge pudding with some lite cool whip (75 calories total) and then since I’d really blown things, two hershey’s bliss chocolates (probably 60).  I did take a carb blocker for my “dinner” at home.  It could have been much worse, but for some reason I feel like a total failure.  It was definitely one of those moments where I just let food control me, and that hasn’t been a frequent occurrence this time around, so I feel doubly worse about it.

In trying to analyze the reasons behind this, I’ve come up with two things:  first, I am genuinely too hungry.  I have to figure out a way to eat before I go because I just can’t do this (not eating for that long) anymore.  Second, working out is making me hungrier, so I have to figure out what to do about it, and I haven’t really come up with a solution.  I did burn 400 calories on the eliptical today, plus whatever I burned in the 45 minute weight session with my trainer.  So, in theory, I more than made up for my errors today, but it doesn’t feel that way.  I was so excited this morning, too, because the scale was down…oh well, I guess tomorrow will tell.

I also did the body fat analysis with my cute trainer today…32%.   He said if I lost about 12 pounds, I would be in a good range….12 lbs.  That’s it.  It’s almost unbelievable when you consider that I’ve lost almost 60 already.  I don’t think I’ve ever been on a diet where I’ve lost 60 lbs. all at once.  So, hopefully thinking about that will help me start fresh tomorrow, and no more snacking tonight.

weight at home:  163 (2 lbs. down from yesterday)

So….there’s a lot to catch you (and I mean my one single solitary reader, Hi Laura!) up on.  First, on Friday I found my dog…but she’d been hit by a car.  I got through with getting her and everything late at night, and needless to say, I wasn’t feeling very good at all.  So, what did I do?  I ordered a pizza.  I knew I was emotional eating before I even ordered it.  In fact, I weighed the pros and cons with a fairly decent level of objectivity, and I decided to go for it. 

To be honest, I’m not even sorry I did it.  It did make me feel better– for better or worse, it comforted me a bit (still felt bad, of course, but a little better).  I was genuinely hungry (midnight, and I had skipped dinner), and I *only* ate three pieces.  I’m ashamed to put the “only” in there, but before my diet, I would normally eat four pieces (1/2 a large) even when nothing was actually bothering me or when I wasn’t super hungry.  I also blotted them before eating, lol, and took carb/fat blockers ahead of time.  So, while it was definitely not the best thing for my diet, I did maintain some form of control and didn’t all-out binge.  I also sent the leftovers home with my roommate’s boyfriend so they wouldn’t be staring me in the face the next day.  I knew if I didn’t get rid of them that I’d end up eating the rest the following day, and I really didn’t want to do that.

On Saturday, I was faced with another eating challenge– a Mexican restaurant, and I had three soft tacos plus chips and salsa.  It could have been worse, but still not something I wanted to happen, especially after the pizza incident.  After that, I got back on track, and things have been good, including today.  My trainer was sick on Monday, so no workout, but he was back today, so things are normal again as far as that goes.  I could have gone and done cardio, but I was in bed when they called me to say he was sick, so i just decided to stay there, lol.

Breakfast:  cheese toast, 1 egg white, HNS

Lunch:  bar, HNS

Snack: (part of my normal dinner) 2 crackers, 1/3 slice cheese, HNS, 1 melba toast

Dinner:  3.5 oz. grilled fish (yummy– I’m in a fish phase right now, I think), 1/3 piece cheese, 2 crackers, 3/4 c. homemade applesauce (splenda and cinnamon– also yummy), HNS

weight at home:  165– this is back to where I was pre-pizza, so it’s all back on track.

I am a bit nervous about tomorrow.  I’m supposed to do a body test (fat analysis, etc.) with my trainer, and I’m kind of dreading it.  It’s my own choice, and I could avoid it if I wanted to, but I think I’ll go for it.  He’s very cute, though, so that makes me more self-conscious than I normally would be.  Oh well– at least I am very close to the normal range. 

I just realized that for my height (5′8″), I only have to lose 6 more pounds to put me at 164, which will give me a BMI of 24.9, which places me at the tip-top of normal.  Still, Being normal is pretty exciting since I’ve only been there for probably two weeks out of my entire life, lol.  I think my lowest weight ever was 164, and that was very short-lived.  If I remember right, it was on the tail end of Atkins, and right as I got there, I couldn’t take it anymore and went back to my carb-loving ways.

So, I’m really excited to see this number again.  Once I get there, I should be in to my next round of clothes, too.  I’m a size 10 right now, and the goal is a 6, I think, although an 8 would look pretty good, too, so I’ll just wait and see how I feel as it gets closer.  Normal, here I come!!

Well, the day isn’t over yet, but I need to do something to stop thinking about my missing dog.  I walked around sticking fliers in people’s doors today, and I happen to live on one of the only hilly areas in the city, so it was quite a workout.  I did that for an hour and a half until I got too cold to keep going (it was 15 degrees today not counting the wind chill).

Breakfast:  cheese toast, 1 egg white, HNS

Lunch:  6 red. fat club crackers, 1 slice cheddar, 9 gummi savers (they’re gone now, thank goodness), 1 piece chocolate, HNS

Snack:  soy choc. mini crisp HNS ( I wasn’t hungry– this was stress eating, and I knew that when I got it out, but I am allowed to have it, and I’m working out tonight and won’t be eating until later, so it probably wasn’t such a bad idea anyway.)

Dinner:  TBD– I think I’ll have a taco, applesauce, HNS, and most likely 1 piece of chocolate.

Weight at home:  165 (down .5 from yesterday)

MRC weight: 170 (down 1.5 from Monday– not too shabby).

Also, it’s the TOM, so perhaps I’m holding some water.  I usually do, but who knows. 

Workout: weights for a half hour or so, plus cardio– plan to do elliptical to burn 400 calories (according to the machine, but I always leave it set to 150 as the weight, so it’s probably more in reality).

I’m really bummed right now.  My dog ran away Monday night, and I still haven’t found her.  I don’t think it’s really affecting my eating/diet/exercise, but I just wanted to share that.

I think I’m losing weight.  I was down 1.5 this morning from yesterday morning.  I’ve been working out all week, and the plan is to do that 5 times a week.  It’s ambitious, to say the least, but since I have the appointment with the trainer, I’ve not even had the thought of not actually going, so it’s a good motivator.  He works me pretty hard, too.  I do weights/other muscle strengthening exercises with him for 30-40 minutes, and then I go do my cardio on my own.  Since the knee injury, I’ve been sticking to the elliptical for 30-40 minutes, whatever it takes to burn at least 400 calories.  That puts me at 2,000 calories a week for cardio, and when you add in calories burned in the weights, it will hopefully equal out to an extra pound lost per week.  It would be nice to speed this process up a bit since I hit a bit of a stall over the holidays.  At least I didn’t really gain, but I need to kick it up a bit if I’m going to make my deadline.  Unfortunately, I can’t seem to kick the candy habit.  Tomorrow is the last day for the gummi savers, though, so that should help, lol.  At least I did throw out the flavors I didn’t really care for.

Breakfast:  cheese toast, HNS, 1 egg white

Lunch: bar, HNS, five gummies

Dinner:  taco, 1 melba toast, 5 gummies, 1 pc. chocolate, HNS

weight at home: 165.5 (-1.5 from yesterday!) 

Thought it was time to get back to blogging.  The holidays weren’t terrible for me, but I was definitely not OP for most of it.  I tried to employ some moderation, though, and apparently it worked because I’m now a pound under where I was before Christmas.  I also started working out again today, and this week will be a full week of how it will be normally for at least the next month (I have the trainer booked out that far already).

I sprained my knee Christmas Eve (playing ping pong of all things), so I was really worried that my workout plans would all be ruined, but I’ve had enough rest now that I can go back to almost normal.  I had to reduce the weight on the legs, and I can’t run for a month, but I am allowed to do the elliptical as long as it doesn’t hurt too much.  I tried it today for about 40 minutes, and it went fine, so that shouldn’t be a problem.  It says I burned 400 calories, so not bad.  I go back every day this week except the weekends, so I’m getting ready to be sore.

I’m still not eating quite OP, but the calories are always under 1000 (at least, they have been since Saturday when I had a pizza problem–dinner out with my parents), so I’m still losing weight.  I’ve developed a bit of a chocolate habit, too, which is very new for me.  Candy usually doesn’t give me problems.  Still, the most I’ve had is 3 pieces in a day, so it could be worse.  Once the bag is empty, though, I think it would be a good idea not to open another one!

Breakfast:  6 reduced fat club crackers, 1 slice pepperjack, HNS (240 total)

Lunch:  6 reduced fat club crackers, 1 slice pepperjack, HNS (240 total)

Dinner:  2 oz. gr. turkey w/ taco seasoning, 1 oz. cheddar, 1/2 pita, 1/2 cup applesauce, HNS (320)

10 gummi savers (130), 1 piece chocolate (35)

total:  965

I might have a hot chocolate HNS, but I think that will be fine, since I burned 400 calories on the elliptical, not counting the weights I did today as well.

weight at home:  167

MRC weight:  171.5

Today was interesting– I got up late, started MQ foods, and then I randomly got asked to go to Chick Fil A nugget night again, which I did.  However, I got the chicken caesar cool wrap instead of all you can eat nuggets (a first for me), and I was just as happy with that choice.  It was much better for me, I’m sure.  I didn’t work out since I thought I could use a rest day, but I might go tomorrow.  My regular gym is closed tomorrow, but the school gym should be open (and not very crowded since most are on break), so I might head over there just to do cardio.  Then on Monday, I’ll do cardio and weights with my trainer.

I’m really looking forward to WI on Monday– I think the exercising should have helped, and my clothes feel a bit looser, so maybe I have actually lost something already.  I’m kind of getting to the point where it’s down the last push, and I’m wondering what I’ll end up looking like.  For example, I still have loose flabby arms, and I just don’t think that’s going to go away– same with my stomach.  Even if I lose a lot of the fat, I kind of think there will still be skin there, but who knows.  I suppose I will just have to wait and see.  I am NOT going to do the plastic surgery thing.  Pain is not fun, and then you’re left with scars, which, IMO, look just as ugly as the extra skin that was there in the first place– perhaps more so.

Okay, finished rambling.

weight at home: 167 (that’s down 1/2 lb. from the lowest ever!)

I have been pasty pale for quite a while now.  Normally I’m not a tanning person (I’ve been once in my life before, when I got married).  I’m usually naturally not very pale, but I think swimming during the summer or taking a trip to the beach once a year gives me enough sun to last me all year long.  Well, it’s been three years since I’ve done either of those things, and my pale legs were not a pretty sight (see the post below to see me pre-tan).  I think being tan (not overly so, but having a little color) is naturally flattering and slimming. 

Anyhow, I decided to go tonight since I had some break time.  It turned out to be free since I was a new customer, but let me just say I’m super pleased with the results.  I look nicely tanned (the chest is a little pink, but not really burnt or anything), and I really don’t think I’ll have to go back.  I might go again in a month or so before my husband gets back from Iraq, but as it is I have enough color to make me happy. 

On to the vanity part– I have started to revert to my habits from several years ago– the habit of actually caring about my appearance.  All semester I have hardly ever left the house without makeup, and before that, I would hardly ever wear makeup at all.  I also spend time fixing my hair and picking out my clothes and shoes with more care.  I’m changing my jewelry every day now to match my outfit– all sorts of things.  Before I just felt that no matter what I did, I wouldn’t look good anyhow, so why bother?  Now it’s fun to see what I look like in the mirror, so it’s a bit of a reward in a way.

I think this is a good change, really, even though it is costing me more with all the shopping I’m doing these days!