Una ragazza magra

Well, today went well as far as eating goes, but my workout didn’t go all that well tonight.  First I had toe cramps, then after a mile of running, I had really bad side stitches.  I walked and then did another mile, but they wouldn’t go away, so I called it quits after two miles.  I did go try the rowing machine for ten minutes, though.  It was okay, but I don’t think it will be come a frequent part of my repertoire.  Tomorrow I do the elliptical, so we’ll see how that goes.  Hopefully I won’t get the side stitches.

As far as eating goes, I continued with the bar only metaquick, and it went fine.  I’m running out of bars, though, so I might need to get some more once this is over.  I really do like the bars, so it’s something i would eat even after the diet is over anyway.  They’re also very convenient if I have to pack my lunch.  I’m hungry tonight (I still get to drink my cocoa, so that should help) but I have no intention at all of cheating.  It does make it easier that the trigger foods (peanuts, an open bag of chocolate) are gone from my pantry.  At this point I’d have to open up a box of something to get to an off plan item, and that’s not nearly as likely to happen.  Also, I do feel much more determined this week since I’m so close to the end.

I am going to do what the MRC lady suggested and squeeze about three more weeks out of the program before I go on stabilization.  However, if I’m going to do that, I really need to make it worth my while.  This weekend I have Olive Garden on Friday with work people (catered, so I don’t get to order my own) and then some sort of dinner/drink plans for Saturday, but I might try to come up with an excuse to skip out on that.  We’ll have to see.

calories in:  900

calories burned: 500

net calories: 400– not too shabby, really, considering the workout didn’t go as planned.

weight at home:  163–this is, of course, lower, but it’s not very near to the 157.5 I was at before my crazy cheating weekend!  I’m hoping it comes back off quickly.

After a horrendous weekend of eating junk, I did extremely well today.  Let me fill you in…

On Friday, I was at my lowest weight of all time (well, except for when I was in the womb).  However, I went home this weekend, which I knew would present challenges.  On Friday we ate at a Mexican restaurant– difficulties there, of course.  However, I ate a cookie and some chocolates while I was at the mall, too.  It was just me, so there was no reason to even go in there, but I did, and it went badly, of course.  I think I’m starting to get the all or nothing mentality and the frustration/impatience is starting to creep in, too.  I’m just hoping I can get things back together.

On Saturday I went to a stamp party, with munchies all over the place, and I hadn’t eaten lunch, so I was hungry…four brownies!  Yes, you read that right.  Dinner was then at a buffet/dinner theatre kind of thing, and I just ate way too much.  At least it was good food, though, so it was kind of worth it.

Sunday was also dinner out again (the eating out kills me– it’s not something I deal with at home).  I had prime rib, salad, and a twice baked potato.  The real killer was the oscar’s party I went to Sunday night.  It was a potluck type of thing, but there were munchies all over the place, and people were eating all night long.  I had way too much, but it was spread over the whole night, so I didn’t really feel it like I would have had I eaten it all at once.  On the bright side, I did only have one glass of champaigne and refused the smirnoff “malt beverage” things that were offered, so I’m pretty sure I saved significant calories there.

Another positive is that this morning I was still full from the night before, so i only ate half a bar for breakfast (I thought I needed something since I was going to work out).  Also, I’ve decided to do metaquick again this week since it’s kind of my last week.  I’m just doing it with the bars, though, since I don’t have any shakes.  That’s allowed, and technically yields better results, so yea for me.  It’s rather mindless as far as meal planning goes, so that’s also good.  I was up 10 lbs. (167.5) this morning as compared to Friday morning, but by this evening’s weight, I’m already back down to 163.5, so I think I was holding some major water.  We’ll see what the morning brings.

Today everything went perfectly– eating, workout, everything.  My calories were fantastic, so hopefully I can keep the momentum up for the rest of the week.  On Friday I have to go to winter inservice where I work, and they are catering Olive Garden– ugh.  How much worse could it get?  They usually do Subway.  I think work is my biggest saboteur.  I think the best plan is to try to eat something before I go so I’m not starving because that’s when I get myself into real trouble.  I don’t have any other weekend plans yet, though, so hopefully no one will decide to do anything since it usually involves dinner and drinks.

On a side note, I’ve been advised to skip my stabilization party this Thursday, advice that I think I will heed.  One of the counselors said I could gain about two weeks more of the diet if I skip the party, get the menu the next week, and then wait to start it until the following week.  I thought it was interesting that she was basically telling me how to subvert the system, but I thought about it, and I think I’m going to do it.  Things will be crazy with my husband getting home in a week anyway, so when I do stabilization, it would be nice to be able to really do it and not cheat all the time.  So, that would give us a settling down period, even if I’m not able to stay on the actual diet part of it, and hopefully we’ll have more of a routine established by the time I actually start stabilization.

calories in:  765

workout burned:  650

net calories:  115– I think this is the lowest ever.

weight at home:  167.5

I haven’t posted in a few days, but I’m still hanging in there.  It’s been up and down…both figuratively and literally.  I had my normal weekend dinner out (which has been the bane of my diet).  However, despite that calorie setback, the scale has gone down.  I dropped around 3 lbs. overnight, and it stayed there even after my calorie fest on Saturday.  Today at WI I had lost 2.5 lbs. since Friday– go figure.  I think it has something to do with TOM, though.  Oh well– I’ll take it.  That puts me at a total loss of 63.5 lbs.

Also, I’m setting a new goal.  I think my lack of goal has been part of my problem.  Once I realized I wouldn’t make it to my magic 145 number before I go through stabilization/go off this diet, I sort of lost my momentum.  The weekend dinners out haven’t helped, either, but that’s more of a symptom than a cause, I think.  Anyhow, my new goal is to be below 160 by the stabilization party, which occurs on Thursday February 26.  That is a week and a half away, so I think that goal is very doable as long as I stick to plan and don’t go crazy eating.  Maybe that will help give me the extra push I need.

A potential roadblock I see is going home for the weekend.  Even though my mom is on the diet as well, I always end up eating off program stuff when I’m at home because we eat out more and because my dad has all his snacky stuff laying around.  One good thing, though, is that it won’t cause me to miss any workouts because those happen during the week.

I’m starting to get my stabilization info, and it’s exciting because I get to start adding foods back in, and I’ve been getting so bored with my options.  I think once I’m off stabilization, I’m going to basically do WW on my own.  I still have all my old program info, and at that point I’ll only have about 10-15 lbs. to lose, so hopefully I can take it off with exercise and counting calories.  At least by calorie counting I’ll have a lot more options (like adding more fruit or carbs, etc.).  I still plan to eat healthfully (not a lot of fat, baked meats, etc.), but it will be nice to have some carbs back or food I really miss like peanut butter or even unsweetened cereal with skim milk.

I’ll be on maintenance with MRC for a year, and at first I plan to go in once a week to weigh just to keep myself honest.  You only have to go in once a month, but I think I need more than that, especially if I’m trying to lose weight still.  While their program worked very well, I am glad that I can go off it now because I’m really tired of my food limitations.  While I’m nervous about maintenance, I’m sort of excited, too.  This is the first time I’ve “ended” a diet with an action plan instead of ending it because I’ve fallen off the wagon and just can’t take it anymore.  I have never really maintained my weight, so I’m really taking this seriously and am being very careful about it.  One positive aspect is that I am still working out and still motivated/going strong, and I don’t even have the slightest inclination of quitting.  Most of this I attribute to my trainer– he keeps me honest, and I have to go because I have a standing appointment.  Still, if I keep this up for six months or a year with him, hopefully by that time it will be a habit and I wouldn’t need him to still keep going.  We’ll see!

weight at home:  158.5

weight at MRC:  163.5

calories in:  1100 (I had a minor altercation with some Valentine chocolates that a friend brought to class,)

calories burned:  630 (elliptical, arms, abs)

net calories:  470

Well, today started out well, but this evening did not follow the pattern.  I went to work out, and I have a pulled or strained muscle.  I don’t know whether it happened with the first weight exercise tonight or if it happened yesterday or what, but my hamstring is giving me problems.  So, I did the ab part of the workout, and then I left.  I tried to elliptical, but it hurt, so I decided it would be better to give it a rest.  I’ll probably rest tomorrow, too.  I do arms tomorrow, so I’ll go do that, but I doubt I’ll run or elliptical.  Hopefully by Thursday I’ll be able to run again.  I really don’t want to get set back, and I want the calorie burn.

That wasn’t the worst part, though– I have really been eating well, and tonight I slipped back into the “just a bite of this” habit.  I was genuinely hungry, but still– I really feel like I could have avoided it.  I had three melba toasts (50 calories) and a few peanuts (100).  So, really, it’s not like a binge or anything, but I guess I’m feeling the “I have to achieve perfection” mentality since I made such a big deal of it yesterday.  After the peanuts, I did eat my spinach, which curbed the craving, so here I sit with not much further damage done I suppose.  I’m just still mad that I couldn’t work out.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better!

weight at home:  161.5 (down 1.5 lbs. since yesterday!  I’m now where I was on Friday before any of my weekend disasters occurred.)

calories in:  1030

calories burned:  100

net calories:  930

These were the words of wisdom (or, at least they seem wise to me) that I read on a 3FC post today.  Someone in the MRC forum who had to re-lose the weight again with MRC after gaining it back (she moved overseas and struggled while there) said that the second time around it was much easier because she trusted the process and didn’t “fight it” that time around.

So…what do I take from this?  Basically, I’ve decided to not fight the process.  If I’m supposed to eat a vegetable, I will eat a vegetable and not a fruit instead.  If I’m not supposed to eat cool whip on my MRC pudding, I will not eat cool whip.  I mean, really– how hard is it to follow this diet?  Granted, there will arise situations (like dinner at someone else’s house) where I legitimately have no control, but that is not what’s been slowing me down.  The bigger problem lies in all the little cheats I do on my own that add up to something bigger.

Yes, I should still be losing weight even with the cheating I’ve done, but if I can follow the diet, why not follow it?  I trusted it more at the beginning, and I think I’ve gotten a bit overconfident with the weight I’ve lost thinking I can tweak the program and that I know how to do it better.  While it is my body, their way simply works faster.  For whatever reason, it just does.

All of a sudden that chocolate and the peanuts in my cabinets aren’t sounding nearly as good as they sounded last week.  I only have three more weeks before I start getting some stuff added back in on a regular basis…I can totally do this, and I WILL.

Having said all that…I ate perfectly today.  Even with the workout I did fine.  I was not hungry for most of the day (I am now, but I’m going to live with it since I’ll be in bed soon), so i didn’t even think about having extra calories.  Hopefully I won’t be hungry tomorrow, either.  Tuesday/Thursday seems to go better for me since my workout is at the end of the day instead of the beginning.

I also did not end up going to WI.  It is the first one I’ve missed (except for around the holidays when I was out of town).  I actually intended to go all along, but then I was running late, so I just skipped it.  It was probably for the best since I know I would have showed a gain.  At least this way I can go Friday, and hopefully that will show a step in the right direction. 

For whatever reason– either my newfound determination to finish strong or my new mantra of “just don’t fight it,”– my motivation has returned, and I really think I will be able to pull this out for another few weeks.  In March I’ll start adding foods back in on stabilization, and I should lose 5-7 lbs. over 6 weeks on that.  That means I just need to make it to 151 or 152 before March….probably not going to happen since that would be a loss of 10 lbs. between now and March.  However, I should come close, and I’m okay with that.  I might even lose a bit more since I’m working out so hard, and they don’t really take exercise into account at all– here’s hoping anyway!

weight at home:  163

calories in:  880

workout:  30 min. elliptical at 7 resistance, 10-11 incline  (460 cal), weights–arms and abs (150)

net calories:  270–actually this is kind of a scary low number, but again, I’m trusting the process!

Well, I had a bit of a disastrous weekend.  On Friday I went to an Italian/Valentine themed potluck– so, lots of pasta, bread, and chocolate.  Yummy, of course, but I way overate.  I can’t even begin to count my calories.  I ate normally with the regular food, but I kept sneaking back in and picking at the desserts, so I’m thinking 2,000 calories at least, and that’s probably a very low estimate.

On Saturday, I went out with some girlfriends, and I had a Gyros sandwich, some fried mushrooms with ranch dressing, a few fries, half a chocolate truffle cake (small piece), and a watermelon martini.  However, the embarassing part happened at home– I ate two cookies, a pop tart, some peanuts, and probably something else I can’t remember.  I basically just binged.  I didn’t feel overly stuffed since it was spread out over hours, but still, I’m just kind of embarassed about the whole thing.  I thought I was starting to have some measure of self control, but apparently I’ll still have my moments.  I guess one can’t vanquish all the food monsters in six months.  I’ve had a whole lifetime of letting food control me.  I am doing better, though.  Soon I’ll switch over to calorie counting, and I hope mixing it up a bit will help me stave off the binges– they don’t happen extremely often (maybe one a month if that?), but I get sick of having “off limits” foods.

Anyway, I started my last week of metaquick (this is my last month on their plan), and today I behaved perfectly.  I even ate the spinach, and I’ve cooked dinner for the rest of the week, so I should be all set as long as the hunger from working out doesn’t get to me.  We’ll see how it goes.  I’m ringing in at 980 calories for the day, and I’m not hungry (of course, I didn’t work out today, either), so that’s fabulous.

I’m considering not going to WI tomorrow.  I don’t want to see the scale up, and I don’t want the lecture (they don’t really lecture, but I feel guilty nonetheless when I show them my food journal).  Also, last week I did lose fat acording to the body fat scale (2.5 lbs to be exact), but I only lost 1 lb. for the week.  This was at my gym, though, and they did not do a fat analysis on me at MRC, so all they go by is the scale numbers, which was up 1 lb. for them.  I haven’t missed a WI yet, though, so I probably will end up going, but I really need to just put it in perspective if it’s up.

Regardless, I plan to make this a good strong week.  I have big plans for my workouts/running, and I’m really going to make the effort to plan ahead and not cheat this week.  I just have to remind myself that I only have three weeks left of this including this week on MQ, so I can do this!

weight at home– forgot to weigh!  perhaps it’s for the best

calories in and net for the day:  980

Tonight I ran 4 miles straight…yes, you read that right.  On Tuesday I ran a 5K straight, so I was only going to up it by 1/2 mile tonight, but instead I added a whole extra mile because I was feeling okay.  Aerobically, I think i could have even gone further, but I had been running for 40 minutes, so I decided it was time to stop.  Tomorrow I’m going to up my pace from 6.2 mph to 6.3 and see how it goes.  Speed is my next area for improvement now that I’ve topped out at 4 miles, which is really all I can do in the time I have.

As far as eating goes, it went very well.  I ate my normal OP stuff, and I added a south beach bar at 100 calories along with a sugar free pudding with cool whip, and 200 calories worth of peanuts– weird, I know, but I’ve been having a thing for them lately, and I did have the extra calories, so I went for it.  Surprisingly, they kept me quite full for most of the evening until it was time for my planned applesauce and hot cocoa HNS.  So, there was no binging or unplanned eating at all– go me!

The only “bad” thing coming up is that I have dinner (Italian with yummy dessert) at someone’s house tomorrow, and then on Saturday I’m going out with friends to a restaurant and then for a drink afterward…more calories!  I’m going to ask if they have diet sprite on the drink, though.

weight at home:  161.5 (this is holding steady.  However, by all calculations, I should be losing, so I’m thinking it might be from lifting weights.  I am seriously sore since we switched up the routine, and I’ve heard muscles will hold water.  Also, I could be getting ready for TOM, but I don’t really know since I can’t go by a calendar.  We’ll see what MRC shows tomorrow morning.  I’m really hoping for a loss just for a morale booster.)

Well, I hit my running goal tonight.  Actually, I surpassed it.  I started the Couch to 5K program a while back (well, really I read it and then got injured and had to kind of figure out my own thing).  After my injury, I couldn’t run, but I could do the elliptical, which I did, and apparently that got me more conditioned for running than I thought it would.  I started out running a mile straight, then walk, then run, and I’ve been adding about 1/2 mile to the straight run every time since (running 2-3 times per week).  On Thursday I ran 2 miles straight at 6.2 mph, walked five minutes, ran another mile at 6.3 mph.  Today my goal was to run 2.5 miles straight, but when I hit that, I felt pretty good, so I pushed on through.  Another motivator was that I told myself that when I could run 3 miles straight, I would buy a pair of Nike + shoes that will hold my ipod chip, so I honestly think that was why I kept going, lol.

So, I’ll post a picture of the shoes when I get them, but I’m going to wait a couple weeks until I go home where there’s a Nike outlet.  I’m all about deals!  Still, I’m excited to get them, and I’m really proud of myself.  I’ve never been able to do this in my entire life.  I can’t say I like running, but it is not nearly as painful as it used to be.  I would say I ran a mile without getting really out of breath or even being too uncomfortable.  That comfort time keeps lasting longer and longer, so maybe if I stick it out a while I will get to the point where I really don’t mind it.  It’ll be like an experiment.

So, now I have to make a new plan.  I think I’m going to keep increasing the distance until I hit 4 miles straight, and then I will start increasing my speed.  I suppose my “ultimate” goal is about 4 miles at 7 mph or 7.2 mph, and that is simply because that’s what my trainer runs every day for a basic calorie burn.  I know that’s a little silly, but I have no point of reference other than that because I’ve never done this before.  Also, I figure he’s in great shape, so he must be doing something right!  I’m excited to tell him about my 3 miles tomorrow– he was gone when I finished.

Okay, on to my food:  I totally binged last night.  I mean, I just started eating and literally could not/did not stop myself.  I was so hungry that I dove into chex mix, and then I had a couple pieces of chocolate, and then I had pop tarts of all things (super high calorie– 420 for one package of two pastries– they cheat by making the serving size one pop tart but putting two in the little envelope.  SO unfair!)  Anyway, I don’t really even like/crave that stuff, but it was just there, and I was so hungry.  I would have ten times rather had a cookie or something, but I was just out of control.  So, today I decided I’ve had enough of the hunger, and I’m increasing my calorie allowance to 1200 per day.

I technically am not supposed to count calories, but I started a week ago (eating on my “diet” but just adding up the calories for curiosity’s sake), and I usually take in about 800-1000 per day.  Today, I ate a bit more and basically added a South Beach bar at 100 and a sugar free pudding cup with cool whip at 75.  Everything else pretty much stayed the same.  I’m feeling good now, and I still get to have my hot cocoa in a bit, so I think it was a good plan.  I’ll try this for the rest of the week and see what the scales tell me on Friday.  If I don’t lose, I suppose I’ll try to go back to militantly following the diet like I did in the beginning and not having this extra stuff.  Hopefully I’ll lose because I don’t want to be hungry all the time again.

Breakfast:  1/2 english muffin, 1 slice cheese, 1 egg white, HNS (245)

Lunch:  bar, HNS (280)

Dinner:  taco, applesauce, HNS, South Beach Bar (485)

snack: 2 bites meal bar, pudding cup, hot cocoa, cracker and cheese (195)

Total:  1205

Calories burned in workout (low estimate):  600— weights (legs at 150 cal), running (3 miles straight, 4 miles total at 460 cal)

Net calories;  605

Weight at home:  161 (same as yesterday, so at least the binge didn’t kill me.  It was 1785 cals total yesterday, 1185 net after workout).

At the beginning of the month, I always post a new progress picture, and it’s up here.  I’m actually starting to like the pictures I see of myself now.

The size 6 jeans I got at Goodwill yesterday came out of the dryer, and I gave them a try… I can get them up but not fasten them, of course.  However, I do think I really will be able to wear them comfortably if I make it to my 145 lb. goal…only 19 lbs. left to go!

Well, my weekend plans have been cancelled!  One of my friends (the social organizer one) has a cold, so we’ve postponed dinner/drinks and bowling until next weekend.  Still, those are some major calories I’ve just avoided.  It looks like I should have a diet friendly weekend.  Part of me is sad (I do enjoy cheating, of course), but I know it’s for the greater good, lol. 

I’m kind of on a roll right now, and I feel like it’s a crucial time to either finish strong or stop where I’ve stopped before.  I’m under twenty pounds left to lose, so I’m over 3/4 of the way done with this whole process.  I know for some people those last pounds are the hardest, so I should be taking every opportunity to make it not as hard as it could be.

I’m just getting sick of being on a diet.  It’s not dreadful, but it’s very confining, and sometimes I just want to go have fun without worrying so much.  Hopefully that time will be here soon.  I think what I’ll have to do on maintenance is kind of what I did when I was on WW– do really well throughout the week and then give myself some freedom on the weekends because that’s the time I really struggle. 

I should be able to eat 1800 calories a day (sedentary) to 2200 calories (moderate exercise) and maintain a weight of 145.  That’s according to the online calculators, but we’ll see how it goes, I guess.  I plan to keep exercising, but we all know how plans go sometimes.  I think I could handle 1800, though.  Actually, I would need to eat more like 1400 a day to have extra for the weekends.  Still, I think that’s doable.  Once I’m finished with MRC, they have me start counting calories.  I will, however, try to continue to eat more lean protein as I have on the diet because it really does help me stay full, and I know it helps me keep muscle. 

Anyway, I’m happy that I don’t have to fight with off plan foods tonight.  Now I’m excited for Monday’s WI!

Oh, and weight at home today:  159 (that’s down 1/2 from yesterday).  Hopefully now that I won’t have a bingey weekend, I will be low enough in the 150s at home that I won’t go back up out of them even next weekend when the dinner/drink plans reemerge.