So, after about a six week absence, I’m back to blogging and back to dieting.  As you might remember, my big problems started when my husband got back from Iraq– celebratory eating out, visiting relatives with food, etc.  In that first week I gained a whopping TEN pounds.  However, the next week I really worked hard and lost it all (we’re talking hour long elliptical sessions, strictly adhering to my diet, the works).

The week after that was spring break at my aunt’s house in Florida.  She’s a baker, and she made all of my favorite foods, and I just didn’t say no to myself.  So, that weight came right back on.  Ever since, I’ve been halfheartedly dieting, but I’ve basically stayed the same– about 15 lbs. up from my lowest weight ever.

I was supposed to go on stabilization, but, to make a long story short, I decided to re-enroll for another 17 weeks to really lose all the weight I want to lose before stabilizing.  I have about 30 lbs. to go to reach my ultimate goal of 145, which may still be a bit low.  I’m starting on pre-conditioning tomorrow because that really helps ward off the headaches and hunger, which I’ve been experiencing every time I try to re-start my diet cold turkey.  I can take it for a day or two, and then the hunger gets to me, and I completely fall off plan.

Although this will end up taking me most of the summer, I really think that continuing to diet is the right thing to do.  Even though I’m restarting, I don’t feel like a total failure, and here’s why:

  1. I will have been on a diet for a whole year when this is over.  I told my mom that, and she said, “Oh, how depressing!” (she’s on the same plan I am).  However, I don’t find it depressing at all.  On the contrary, I think it’s a huge achievement.  There has never been another time in my life where I have put forth a concerted effort at dieting for longer than 4-5 months.  That means I really may be able to keep this up long term
  2. I have not stopped exercising.  I’ve had my ups and downs recently, especially when they changed my personal trainer allowance (that threw me for a loop– I only work out with him once a week instead of five times now), but overall I’ve still continued to make it to the gym on a very regular basis (not less than 3 times a week and most of the time 5).  It really might even be a good thing that I’m only working out with my trainer once a week.  That forces me to take some initiative, be more responsible for myself and make it my own habit.  I’ve been working out since the beginning of December now.
  3. I still have some major food issues.  It’s really easy to slip back into old patterns.  It’s easy to get overconfident and just tired of dieting.  This will be a lifelong battle.  Even if/when I do make it to my goal weight, I will always fluctuate up and down, and I will always have to fight with myself about food.  This will never end– and that’s okay.  I just have to learn how to cope with that.
  4. I truly do feel better when I’m thin– physically, emotionally, in every way.  With just 15 lbs. I can tell a difference in running, in walking up the stairs, in just walking, period.  I can see the difference in my face, and I can see it in how my clothes fit.  I feel so fat, and a few months ago, I was happy to be at this size and felt thin.  It just shows how quickly your perspective can change.  I want the confidence back, and I want my clothes back, lol.  I’m not technically “out” of them yet, but much more weight, and I would be.  I can’t wear a couple of pairs of jeans I was wearing, and a few tops are not as attractive as they used to be.

So, now is the time to get back on track and stop this pattern before it takes me back too far.  Thirty pounds is not a lot when I lost 60 before.  I’m looking forward to the end of the semester in a couple of weeks, and then I’ll have more time for exercise and cooking and meal planning.  I’m hoping that helps, but I don’t want to wait that long to get back on track.  I contemplated that because I’m super busy right now, but I can’t push off being healthy, and it’s better to halt the downward (or upward, depending on how you look at it) spiral.