Here’s the list of things that are helping me feel somewhere between satisfied and happy right now….
- got the splint for my ankle and it already feels better
- snowshoed for at least 3 km today - feel the burn
- laundry is underway
- truck looks great when it is clean
- it is a bright beautiful winter day
- The New Boy thing is working out well so far
- I have money in the bank, food in the fridge, gas in the tank and a big dog sleeping at my feet
- everyone I love is fine
This is what I am going to focus on right now. I am not making any other lists today.
This week has been an emotional rollercoaster and, quite frankly, I am a wreck tonight. When I feel like things in my life are out of control, I make lists. I have a pile of strips of paper with ‘how to’ lists, ‘must do’ lists, ‘things to change’ lists, ”over due’ lists…the lists go on (pun intended).
It is almost 3am. I need to sleep. I need to do something physical tomorrow and blow off some pressure. I need to move to an island and pull the blankets over my head for 100 years.
Tomorrow maybe I will have some perspective.
aargh. Tonight I need to sleep.
Blogging while watching Canada’s Junior hockey team play Sweden for the gold medal. I have no choice - I am Canadian, it is a GOLD MEDAL game - I expect I could loose my passport if I didn’t watch.
It is nice to think that I live in a country where the leader of the country is sitting in the stands, surrounded by fellow hockey fans, with his son, eating popcorn, watching the game. Nobody hassling him; no obvious circle of security…just people wearing hockey jerseys and baseball caps. And this is one of the worst Prime Ministers we have ever had (sorry, could not resist gratuitous political comment).
Also, we OWN this game….
YAY GOLD MEDAL! FIVE FOR FIVE!!
Ok, I love my truck. I can’t believe I said that!
40 minute snowshoe hike this afternoon; felt really good. I have a makeshift splint on until tomorrow, and then hopefully I will get a proper one that will allow me more freedom. I have been warned though to stay in flats - that will be very hard for me but any excuse to go shopping for shoes!
I have a number of home/life improvement projects to finish this winter. Den, then home office, then guest room, then basement. In that order, which will allow me to move things around and make the best use of storage. Then I will be ready for summer company.
Right now I will finish off the last little bit of painting in the den, and then fix the new tv shelf. That should keep me busy for a bit.
Yay me. Did a 50 minute fast walk on this -12C winter night. Sticking to my ‘every-second-day’ rule.
Nothing like getting naked with a new man to bring out every single awful insecurity. Damn that little voice in my head, I thought I had that sucker throttled.
I know y’all have heard this before BUT honestly I am back on the exercise horse this time. I did a 40 minute snowshoe hike yesterday. I am aiming for at least 30 minutes of hard work every second day. I can’t run anymore, my ankle is still pretty bad. I have to wear a splint every waking moment for 3 weeks. I get the thing fitted on Monday and in the meantime I have my leg well wrapped at all times. This is not a look that works with heels.
My goal is to lose weight every week. Even if it is an ounce, or whatever that is in metric, I will pat myself on the back. Really and truly, what I want to accomplish this year is to learn how to be kind to myself. I am so tired of feeling inadequate…and who does this to me? Who is making me feel slow and stupid and funny-looking and never quite right? My own nasty little voice in my own little head. Every time I think I have it gagged it sneaks around and finds a new little microphone wired right into the soft spots. It might take me a long time but that little monster is headed for oblivion. I will take control of that voice in my brain and retrain it to work for me not against me.
I will turn 45 this year. This feels like the halfway point, (gods willing and the creek don’t rise), so a good time to think some things through. So I will reflect on these things between now and my birthday…am I being the person I want to be? If something needs to change, how do I do that? If something needs to be preserved and maintained, how do I do that? I feel like I have been slowly and inconsistently working through these questions the past five years, now I feel a need to come to some conclusions…you know, accept the things I can’t change, change the things I can, and learn how to tell the difference. The old mid-life epiphany….I am such a cliche…lol.
Wishing only good things for all in 2009.
