TJ North

It is a beautiful winter night, with a bright moon surrounded by an ice halo - unfortunately, it is also very cold and I have to take the dog for a walk soon. Hauling out the big snowpants tonight, I am.

I am trying to get my head back into my life, right now I feel like I have been a bit disconnected and not really making things happen, especially at work. Like I am letting down the team. I go through this every few months, I think it is my own little taste of burnout. I work like crazy for a while and then recoil for a bit. Now I am back on my way up.

I also have been getting back into the dating scene, but in a different way this time. I am trying to sample, if you will, and just enjoy men’s company. So far with this new attitude I am actually dating, instead of my usual pattern which is serial and immediate seriousness, regardless of suitability. Dating means going out, sharing activity, having conversations, and then going home alone. It is actually fun. Now, not like there are multitudes at the door, I am only talking about 4 men in four months, but still, it is much more comfortable. And because I am not expecting each one to be ‘the one’ I can have an objective appreciation (or not) for each man. Every so often I slip back into my old way of thinking and create elaborate imaginary futures, but I am getting better at snapping out of it. Of course, I am also going through a lot of batteries….lol.

I have almost finished the den and it will be an entertainment cum exercise room. One of these guys has offered to build me a set of shelves. I was ambivalent about accepting his offer but went ahead and said ok anyway. I could have done it myself but in about 3x as long as he will probably take to finish it. I will take him out to dinner to say thank you (if he does a good job…lol).

Now that winter is here, and so early and so harshly, I find that I am not really interested in working out outside. I haven’t been snowshoeing yet, I haven’t been skiing, I just want to hibernate. Maybe that energy will start to come back now too.