Ok, first news is that I bought a truck on Friday. I can hardly believe I now drive a pick up. This is so funny, considering that a few short years ago you could not have found anyone more committed to the hip urban lifestyle. Now I drive a truck. A red Ford, no less. I am getting waves of disbelief from friends and family….I will have to send pictures around. I am very pleased with it so far.
The past few weeks have been a total mess when it comes to food and exercise. If I want to be kind to myself I would say my attention has been sporadic at best. As I could have predicted, I am now feeling bloated and mushy and unhappy with myself. I was so proud of being able to say I was running, and now that the damn ankle refuses to heal I haven’t put out the effort to replace running with another activity. I am going to see my newly skinny sister next week, I hope she motivates me. She just keeps losing weight, and I know she is working very hard to be an active, healthy person. I salute her, and want to smack myself upside the head!
I am way over my xmas budget and I still have to get myself through the family tour. It will be truncated as a friend of the family was killed in a car accident two days ago, and her family is waiting until after xmas for the funeral. She comes from a large, very scattered family and emergency travel at this time of year would be terribly difficult. And now the weather seems to have the major airports across the country shut down too.
Snow and desperately low temperatures are making me dread walking the dog tonight, but the poor animal has had hardly any exercise the past few days (me too!) so out we will go.
{later: a quick 2 km hike through the park, fresh air felt good.}
Do you think there is such a thing as the evil eye? Honestly, I am starting to wonder if someone is sticking pins in a mini me doll…the past few weeks have brought some really weird bad luck. To top it off, this weekend I managed to break both the vacuum cleaner and the microwave (don’t ask but yes, you can break a microwave oven). I bought a new cordless phone set that is so obviously defective the store WANTS to give me back my money. And the check engine light in the car has been on since last Monday - where is the car fairy when you need him/her/it? My friends are in stitches waiting for the next story…it’s not that these things happen, it is the WAY they happen that provides endless amusement to the people around me. Sigh.
On the plus side, this dating thing this has taken a positive turn, but again, a wrinkle…when should I tell him he has the same name as my ex-husband?
Back on the exercise horse, one 30 minute walk every night with the dog, come rain, come snow, come dark of night….
Tomorrow night I am hosting my department’s holiday party. I have been doing it since I took this job, but the first year there were 2 staff and now there are 9, so it is a bit more of a chore. I am having veggies, dips, breads, and cheese to start, then a real international selection: moose sausages (from my mother, the great hunter in the family) that I will bbq, hungarian goulash (for those who don’t like wild meat) that i will do in the slow cooker, and a couple of cold salads from the deli - edame salad and sweet potato salad, and rice or noodles, maybe noodles would be better. Someone else is bringing desserts.
I didn’t get the redecorating done so the den will remain off limits, but the rest of the house looks presentable. Then I will sleep in Sat. Sat afternoon I am planning my first snowshoe hike of the year. The dog will be happy for the exercise as I have been neglecting him this week. Also neglecting myself.
Tomorrow afternoon I go for my first laser treatment at the clinic - hair removal (yuck). It is much less expensive than I expected so I will try it. I have no guilt about spending this money on myself, amortised over the rest of my life it is a bargain.
Next, I will try botox. They won’t try anything with the scar until I get clearance from the surgeon that removed the cancer, so I have to set that up first. And when I win the lottery, another nose job. The first one did not turn out as I wanted, and now after this other surgery I look like I was a boxer in my youth - it is lumpy and crooked.
Yes, I am very self-centred. There are worse personality traits to have!
It is a beautiful winter night, with a bright moon surrounded by an ice halo - unfortunately, it is also very cold and I have to take the dog for a walk soon. Hauling out the big snowpants tonight, I am.
I am trying to get my head back into my life, right now I feel like I have been a bit disconnected and not really making things happen, especially at work. Like I am letting down the team. I go through this every few months, I think it is my own little taste of burnout. I work like crazy for a while and then recoil for a bit. Now I am back on my way up.
I also have been getting back into the dating scene, but in a different way this time. I am trying to sample, if you will, and just enjoy men’s company. So far with this new attitude I am actually dating, instead of my usual pattern which is serial and immediate seriousness, regardless of suitability. Dating means going out, sharing activity, having conversations, and then going home alone. It is actually fun. Now, not like there are multitudes at the door, I am only talking about 4 men in four months, but still, it is much more comfortable. And because I am not expecting each one to be ‘the one’ I can have an objective appreciation (or not) for each man. Every so often I slip back into my old way of thinking and create elaborate imaginary futures, but I am getting better at snapping out of it. Of course, I am also going through a lot of batteries….lol.
I have almost finished the den and it will be an entertainment cum exercise room. One of these guys has offered to build me a set of shelves. I was ambivalent about accepting his offer but went ahead and said ok anyway. I could have done it myself but in about 3x as long as he will probably take to finish it. I will take him out to dinner to say thank you (if he does a good job…lol).
Now that winter is here, and so early and so harshly, I find that I am not really interested in working out outside. I haven’t been snowshoeing yet, I haven’t been skiing, I just want to hibernate. Maybe that energy will start to come back now too.
ALRIGHT, paint job done! Now just need to put everything back together again. I am very happy this morning because I think I have lost what I am labelling the X-LB weight - the 10-12 lbs accumulated during the last year when things started to go sour in that relationship. Of course it was not his fault, I was the one eating too much and the wrong kind of food, and drinking too much wine. But it does feel good to know I am paying attention to myself again, in a good way.
I even have an appt today with the face clinic to investigate botox and lasers etc, to see if I can do something about the wrinkles and the scar on my nose. Everyone says “oh, I can hardly see it” but to me it looks like a gaping chasm running from between my eyes to the tip. Please wear sunscreen.
