I did something I rarely do…I left work after a normal day (8 hrs instead of 10-12) and took the dog for a hike before it got dark. I was feeling adventurous and headed off on a new trail…and yes, got turned around and it went from a 5km trek to an 8 km one. I didn’t run, because I wanted to pay attention to the terrain, but it was a much more rugged trail than my usual so I give myself extra points for the hills.
I haven’t been sleeping well lately so I am going to find a book and snuggle down early.
Well, launched a huge project at work and although my stomach is still in knots I think it will work out the way I want it to. I decided today I have to resign from one of my volunteer commitments, I can’t maintain this pace. I am a wreck every night thinking about the things I have promised and have not yet been able to deliver. I just can’t do this anymore.
On the plus side, still eating like a healthy skinny person, and slowly completing the long list of home improvement jobs I have listed on the front of my fridge. On Sunday I did my longest “wun” yet….I ran for 4km without a break and then powerwalked for another 5km - in my world if I am breaking a sweat it counts as exercise and I am giving myself extra credit for the hills. Today I found a map of the conservation area and there are many more trails to explore. Now, keep in mind I can get lost in a hallway, so venturing off a known path is a risk, but I am going to give a new route a try on Saturday.
OK, off to sleep in my nice clean bed….laundry has been another recent accomplishment.
Stupid scale aside, I am feeling pretty good about myself right now.My problems have not magically disappeared, it is more that I am feeling much more capable and balanced than I have in a long time.
Certainly I was suffering by letting that last relationship go on past the time I knew it was doomed. I should have ended it in February, rather than hang on and make both of us so miserable we disintegrated with a bang in June. I am still working through why that played out the way it did, and I am sure I learned something I just am not quite sure what yet. On the plus side I seem to have been left with a power mitre saw, a steam carpet cleaner, a gas tank and 2 leather jackets.
Exercise has made a huge difference in my self-esteem, even if nothing else EVER changes that is a good thing. Today I am going to run the entire 4km loop on the hiking trail…I know I can, I just get bored about halfway through and slow to a walk….this time I will conquer it! I feel sleek and strong - despite what I see in the mirror which is a short, flabby woman with cellulite everywhere who is about 40 lbs over her healthy weight. In my head I am more muscular and graceful (also taller and sometimes blonde…lol).
And because the self-esteem is inflating,, I am much more effective at work and that feeds back into the loop. And I am feeling attractive and am enjoying the dating scene again. I now have my Hunk Ra fantasy and two real-life men that seem very interesting.
Can’t forget, either, how great this blog is. I love feeling like I am hooked into this group, I love reading up on other’s lives, and seeing how many things we share. It means a lot to me to have this outlet and to participate in these conversations, however briefly.
Life is still a slog (house, money, car, family issues, etc not necessarily in that order….) but today I feel like I might just be able to cope with it all and have a little energy left over to laugh.
I am back on track and the sneaky scale says I am down 2 pounds this week, OF COURSE I don’t believe it. However, I did go for a run last night and will go for a long one this afternoon.
I have lots to do this weekend and the weather is holding out. The remnants of Ike will make its way up here in three or four days, but until then it is sun and ’seasonal’ temperatures. It is getting chilly, especially at night. Time to clean out the yard.
My fridge is empty, now that Son #1 has gone and taken a) all his junk food and b) anything else he thought he might eat…lol. He left the tofu, soy milk, cheese and whole wheat pasta and not much else. A good time to regroup and fill space with good stuff.
No run on Tues, and yesterday I flew out of town at 6am (which meant up at 4am!!!!) and touched down on the return trip at 12:30am. These one day business trips to the city are just killers - I am not going to do this again. Next time I have to go down I am staying overnight somewhere. But aside from being exhausting it was a very productive day. I’m too old for this - there was a time when I could work all day, party all night, work all day…and think I was having a good time!
I was hoping to go for a run this morning, but I stayed in bed instead. Mornings are not my best time anyway…So I am going to go for a run this evening. I need to stay on track or I will lose the habit and that would be very bad right now.
….later…..
Well, i didn’t run but I did walk fast for 45 minutes. Too pooped. Time to go to bed.
Big thunderstorm last night with severe rain. Dog does not like storms, so I let him sleep in my room and with one particularly big bang last night he JUMPED on me! When a 100lb dog lands beside you…well, let’s just say he didn’t stay long…lol.
Good news today, the caf at work has started carrying my fave biscotti again, only 135 calories and the perfect afternoon treat with the 3pm coffee. Way less guilt than with a chocolate bar, and better tasting, too. Also, I must say I make the best fruit smoothies…it has become a breakfast staple: soy milk, assorted fruit (today was 2 peaches and a banana) and some protein powder. Often I use chocolate flavoured - EVERYTHING goes with chocolate - but today I tried some hemp protein powder and it was delish (warning: ignore the colour).
Sometimes I think taking up running is just a shopping excuse. It started with the nike ipod thingy…and today I bought a pair of adidas pants for $55! I don’t think I paid that much for my last pair of dress pants! So much for the plan to take control of my financial reality. These better last until I am down to a size 8. And at this rate, that will be in 2015.
The only way I am going to get my run in tomorrow is to get up at 6am. I am not a morning person. In my perfect life, I get up at 9, go to work for 11, get home about 8…you get the idea. I am off the western world clock by just enough to make everything slightly “not fun.” so if I DO get up in time to wun for an hour, well, double yay me’s will be earned.
It is not even 9:30pm and I am exhausted. Yesterday I drove a 700km round trip to bring back a van full of furniture from my grandmother’s house. Family drama is very tiring, and we didn’t get home until close to midnight. This morning we unpacked and I spent most of the day re-organizing my house.
I did still go for a 7km “wun” on a trail that was more hilly than my usual route. Now my calves are very sore but in a good way.
Time to crawl under a blanket with a book.
Friday morning. Yay. Sticking to my ‘every-second-day’ mileage plan even though the scale is also still stuck. I can’t believe it anymore, I really don’t see the connection between how I am feeling and what the scale is saying. All this movement, hardly any sugar…what the frack is going on?
Son #1 has moved into the basement apartment; Son # 2 is safely moved to the other end of the province…I have my space back! Just me, the dog and the cat. I am so happy.
I have started on my next ‘wunning’ goal - covering 75 km in 4 weeks. Should be doable, even as the weather changes. I used the exercise room at the hotel to stay on my ‘every-other-day’ routine and I am very proud of myself. I had planned to run at the track yesterday but it was invaded by high school football tryouts so I headed up to the hills, did 7 km on the hiking trail, and lo! there was Hunk-Ra on his bike. (My fantasy boy).
And today I am wearing another dress that in June was too tight. This is working out ok. Maybe Sept will be a good month.
