TJ North

This is turning into a very busy week. Tomorrow I hit the road for a combo business/personal trip…it’s all complicated but should work out ok. Lots of driving though.

I completed my 65km in 4 weeks challenge by being a full 7 km over goal. Amazing to me that I can make my body do this.  I discovered a new motivation last night….lol. I met this gorgeous guy on the weekend and even though I doubt it will go anywhere I now have a great fantasy to push me through the mileage. I would definitely want increased cardio endurance ….lol

Scale is still being very infuriating but I am wearing a pretty dress today that was too tight at the beginning of the summer. Yay me.

Alright, I wanted to share this: Son #1 (who is in the doghouse as far as I am concerned right now, long story, but…) said, “How much weight have you lost, Mom?” Me: ‘Not one bloody pound, according to the scale.” Him: “Really. Cause you are looking a lot more lean. It must be all muscle.”

Ok, maybe I will keep him.

It is a Sunday but I am going to go into the office for a few hours. I’ve got tons of projects to tackle here at home, too, but I am waiting until Son #1 moves out (10 more days). I love him but I want my space back. Right now if I start anything I end up moving his stuff and tripping over him and my irritation levels blow sky high.

Well since I am back on the dating horse, I guess I am recovering from the latest EXperience. Seem to have my sense of humour back, too. Yesterday I went to a wedding - I was someone’s ‘guest’. I had never been to wedding before where I was a stranger. The good thing is I got to see my date interact with his friends and co-workers. He’s a nice guy and all but that’s not going anywhere. The food was ‘meat and pasta’ - lots and lots of meat. I pretended I was back on Atkins. Which I know I should be, but that’s another story….

My kitchen is full of fruit and veggies. I made an awesome veggie curry and tonight I am going to make a huge batch of tomato sauce with fresh herbs from my garden. The earwigs have left some basil for me…every year I plant a huge herb garden and every year I forget to harvest it before it is too late. Even still, I have enough sage growing out there to stuff a lifetime’s supply of turkeys.

But first, out for another run on the hiking trail with the dog. I noticed a big sign ‘Beware of Bears’ yesterday. It is legitimate - there are a lot of black bears in this part of the country. Last year I crossed paths with a bear on another trail and on this trail I came face-to-face with a moose. So now when I take the dog outside city limits both he and I wear big bells - they are actually called Bear Bells - the idea is that the jingle will warn wildlife we are coming and avoid startling them. Or them startling me, I guess it works that way too.

I am on track to meet my current exercise goals: I wanted to cover 65 km in 4 weeks, and I wanted to work out 24 times in 8 weeks. Yay me. The nike ipod thingy tracks it and I get to print off certificates of accomplishment at every milestone. I know this is hokey but I am sticking them up all over my wall.

I just have to accept that none of the weight-loss math applies to my body. Apparently my fat is from another planet and does not follow earth-bound rules.

Fine. I will ignore it.

I will turn my attention to mostly how I feel instead and only do the things that make me feel good. So far - increasing the exercise is a good thing; breakfast sunrise smoothies ditto; getting to bed before midnight…

Feeling very proud of myself right now. This afternoon I ventured off the running track and did 45 minutes - week 4 of the 5k training program plus some extra - on the hiking trail on the edge of town which meant I managed uneven terrain, hills and fear of bears. Of course I took the dog but he is useless as a wildlife early warning system, he’s just company.

I keep telling myself I am seeing a difference in my body and trying to ignore the frakking scale. Which I can’t help standing on every day, and which goes up and down and sidways every day. I can apparently put on 5 pounds IN MY SLEEP.

I certainly could not have run the distance I did today 6 weeks ago. So there, universe!

OK, my beloved nike ipod thingy is not recording the length/pace of my ‘wunning’ accurately. I am very unhappy about this. It’s supposed to last for 1000 hours and I have not covered anywhere near that. On the plus side I am up to week 4 of my ‘first 5k’ learn-to-run program. And tomorrow I will be going down stairs like an old person…one step at a time, because my calves are very sore.

Also, I am eating way too many carbs and all the bad ones, and not getting enough fruit and vegetables. This has been going on for the last couple of weeks. Partly because there is a fruit fly population explosion in my kitchen so I have cleared all possible breeding grounds. I set up an elaborate trap in a wine decanter, and drowned many many so I am hoping I have broken the cycle. So yucky.

I bought some very pretty earrings, three pairs of shoes and two books today. The budget has been thrown out the window. Another example of how fragile my self-discipline is. Yesterday I was in a total financial panic because my old car had broken down again (I thought) and I can’t throw any more cash into it. I was ready to go buy a new one, when my in-house mechanic (younger son) found the problem and fixed it very cheaply. Since I had blown through my very small savings account over the last 2 weeks I would rather not take on a new big expense for a while. I really can’t understand this - I make a very good salary, why am I broke all the time? Probably cause I spend a lot of money each month on just pretty stuff. Bad, bad, bad.

It is very late, and I am not sleepy. The last few nights have not been good. I will have a hot bath and try for sleep.

Grrr. I hate the scale. Yet I can’t seem to stay off it.

The past week I have let my exercise slow down a bit, so back to the couch-to-5k training program. Tonight I just did a random 30 minutes run, walk, run, walk…which I know always skews towards walking.

I am not a natural exerciser. I always spend the first 10 minutes trying to talk myself out of it, and the last 10 minutes trying to convince myself I can stop early. I like solitary activities, partly cause I always feel like I’m in the ‘run, jump and throw like a girl olympics’. Sigh. There are people who move through the world with style and grace; and then there’s me.

The other risk when I am exercising in a group is my competitive genes kick in and I push myself so hard I get hurt. I have done this and it is not good, although it makes a funny story afterwards - once I am healed.

Well, if all goes according to plan, i will run my 30 minute training course tomorrow morning, and then go for a longer walk/run with the dog in the evening. I would like that to be my every-second-day routine. I was doing well until I got thrown off course by last week - now time to regain control of my schedule.

Thank y’all for your kind words. Much appreciated.

It’s a quiet Sat morning - Son #1 is 24 today (so that makes me….39….lol) and he is sleeping in to celebrate, dog is sprawled across the hall, cat is curled up on the chair, and I have a big cup of coffee in front of me.  It is pouring rain, so I can’t do the yard chores. Nothing for it - I will just have to relax and enjoy the quiet.

I arrived home with a car load of stuff from my grandmother’s house, not so much that I wanted/needed it, more that I just couldn’t bear to see it go. And I agreed to take the dining room set, which is gorgeous mahogany but I now have to sell my set to make room.

I did manage to get out for 2 runs during all this, which made me feel good until I stepped on my scale this morning. Now, I KNOW it is not possible that I have really gained 9 lbs over the last week. I think my body is just becoming very sensitive to sugar, and I admit I did have some cake and pie but not 31,500 calories worth. But I think it leads to bloating.

I will head out on another run tonight and get back into the normal swing of things.

…later…another 5.18 km, I am ahead of the game on my first goal: run (?) 30 times in 12 weeks.

A very emotional day. Yesterday my mom called me to her side because my grandmother, who has been dying for a long time, had a heart attack. I joined her at the hospital and we took Grandma home, knowing it was finally her end. She died this afternoon.  I spent a lot of time with her throughout my life and was fortunate to have her as long as we did. She was 97.

So I have had about an hour’s sleep since yesterday morning, driven about 700 km and am now waiting for my sons to arrive. It’s 12:45 am. I just ate about a 6″ square piece of chocolate cake and have finished my 4th martini tonight. And I don’t care too much about that. When my sons arrive, I will go to sleep and then process this all tomorrow.

As the man would say, Sela.