So far this month I have logged 29.85 km with my nike ipod thingy, at a 9 min 40 sec/km pace. That is a big improvement since April, when I logged 41.7 km over the whole month, at a 10min 45 sec /km pace. I am very pleased with myself. I am still hoping that AT SOME POINT the universe will recognize my efforts and the damn numbers will change.
I have the day off and I will head out to the beach for the afternoon. It’s not that it is such a beautiful day - more that I need to get out of town for a bit. Even in the rain. Getting itchy feet, which could lead to either a food or shopping binge, and I want to avoid both.
Yay me, I backed out halfway through an on-line checkout last night, avoiding a couple of hundred dollars of ’stuff’ on my credit card. And I did another 5km - although just a power walk, no running. I am feeling better about myself than I have in a long time. I will try to make it last.
(And later that same day….)
Beach was beautiful. Up there it was sunny, calm - the perfect summer day. I walked/ran 3km, which is much harder on sand than at the track, and still improved my average time per km slightly.
The water is still very cold - bearable, so I splashed around for a bit too. The dog does not like swimming, and really does not like people swimming. He tries to push them back to shore, or grab a hand in his mouth to turn them in the right direction. I have to be careful to stay far away from families - luckily it is a BIG EMPTY beach. Now I am going to shower and read in my garden-ish backyard. This is turning into a very nice day.
“What do you want on your tombstone; ‘got everything done; still died anyway.’?” I saw that somewhere today, probably just after I beat myself up for the nth time over my to-do list that is the size of a phone book.
I find Mondays so draining. By the end of the day I already feel like I have worked 5 long days. And I really didn’t do anything today, just frittered away the day surfing the net and returning phone calls. Then I came home and frittered away the evening. I have spent way to much of today sitting. I can feel my butt spreading right now. And soon I will be going to bed….ah well. Chalk it up as a rest day.
The weekend was busy. Sat we had a garage sale and we made a decent profit. I had forgotten how labour-intensive those things are - I spent about 10 hours cleaning out closets, sorting through things, pricing…and at the end of it all I still had a carload of stuff for charity. I wouldn’t say it was fun, but it was satisfying to empty my house of stuff I have been carting around through several moves FOR NO REASON.
I think I need to expand my social circle. If I can get myself to the point where I can run for 5k - not race, just not walk - I will join a local running club. I know there are several groups. And now that my den is cleared out there is no excuse for not making use of my fairly good collection of exercise dvds. Just watching them doesn’t really do anything, or so I have come to realise.
I also have been doing some serious financial analysis. Whew boy. Do I like to shop. That area of self-improvement is going to take a bit more work.
Damn, the 40s are a pain. Life was much more fun BEFORE I decided to be responsible and accountable and yada yada yada.
I am patting myself on the back because: 1) I bought a chocolate bar (milk chocolate and almonds, my favourite) took 2 bites and threw the rest in the garbage; 2) did NOT buy anything except pantyhose at Sears, which was the only reason I went and 3) did a personal best on my walk/run tonight, according to Lance Armstrong’s voice. My average pace over 32 “walks and walk/runs” has been 10min 52 sec/km. Tonight I did an average of 8min 58sec /km, over 5km. OK, so I am not in Olympic gold territory but I am happy.
Yay me.
I may not be shrinking but I KNOW this is good for me. A few days ago I tested my blood pressure at one of those drug store machines and it is well down in the safety zone, and I had a resting heart rate of 63. I just have to keep telling myself that I am taking care of myself and that the scale is an evilish torture device.
Today is a holiday and later, if the weather holds, I will take the dog to the beach for a run. First, though, someone gave me a mess of raspberry bushes and I want to get them in the ground, cut the grass, put the mulch around and I am done for the season. yay. And it looks pretty good, too.
Son #2 and I have come to a deal about his motorcycle - he is going to sell it to me, if I take a riding course, and over the summer he will teach me about basic maintenance. He retains right of first refusal if/when I decide to sell it. He almost reneged when I told him I planned to buy a side car for the dog - picture a big black cartoon dog with goggles and a snoopy flying helmet - truly, you should have seen his face! Once he realised I was joking he agreed to take the cash. I am very excited about this, this is something I have always wanted. Now I have the freedom and the opportunity so I am taking it.
Maybe that should be my motto for the summer - freedom and opportunity. Yes, I was in love with Loverboy, but it couldn’t overcome the fact that the relationship was a bad fit for both of us. I felt like I had neither freedom or opportunity. Which was not his fault, our lives were on different trajectories. I should have had the guts to end it months ago, instead of playing that passive-aggressive game that pushed him to the point of saying it for me. That was mean. Part of me couldn’t bring myself to let go, I guess. That’s the part that is lonely and sad.
However, the other part of me is: learning to run, catching up on a humungous backload of responsibilities and obligations, and is about to buy a motorcycle. And, as anngirl says, you have to let go to make room in your life to invite someone else in.
